“My wife asked me, ‘Did you eat my chocolate in the cupboard?’” (joke)
A chocolate joke (sometimes told on Valentine's Day) was posted on Twitter by Sickipedia_Feed on March 21, 2012: "My wife asked me, 'Did you eat my chocolate in the…
“My wife dresses to kill; she cooks the same way”
"My wife dresses to kill -- and she cooks the same way" is a joke that has been credited to New York comedian and "king of the one-liners" Henny Youngman (1906-1998), but the…
“My wife gets annoyed if I mess with her red wine. I added fruit and lemonade & she’s sangria”
"He's/She's sangria" sounds like "he's/she's angrier." "My brother keeps getting mad that I tamper with his red wine. So I added some oranges and…
“My wife has OCD and arranges dinner plates. It’s a very rare dish order”
"Disorder" can sound a little like "dish order." "My mate has OCD. He's obsessed with organising dinner plates by weight & size. It's a very rare…
“My wife just gave me a restraining order. Who knew there was a correct way to use a colander?”
A colander is a kitchen utensil used to strain foods. "My wife told me I was using the colander incorrectly, so she gave me a restraining order..." was posted on Twitter by…
“My wife left a note on the fridge that said ‘This isn’t working’” (joke)
A popular joke about a refrigerator is: "My wife left a note on the fridge that said 'This isn't working I'm going to my mom's.' I opened up the fridge. The light was…
“My wife made some bread from a North African recipe book…” (“old thyme Moroccan roll” joke)
"I wanted to make some Moroccan rolls for a party, but I found all my spices were out of date. I made them anyway and people loved them. Just proves the saying 'People love that old thyme…
“My wife says I put plates and bowls in the wrong cupboards. She thinks I’m dishlexic”
"Dishlexia" (dish + dyslexia) was entered in the Urban Dictionary on June 2, 2007. "Dishlexic" (dish + dyslexic) was entered in the Urban Dictionary on November 23, 2010.…
“My wife suffers from a drinking problem…” (joke)
"My wife suffers from a drinking problem..." is the start of a joke that has been printed on several images. The joke is that the husband drinks, but the wife suffers from the problem.…
“My wife thinks I’m crazy because I like sausages” (joke)
A sausages joke has been cited in print since at least 1978: Patient: Doctor, my wife thinks I’m crazy because I like sausages. Psychiatrist: Nonsense! I like sausages too. Patient: Good, you…
“My wife told me I’ve grown as a person. Her actual words were, ‘You’ve gotten fat’”
Spiritual growth and physical growth are different, but there are jokes. This was posted on Reddit -- Dadjokes on January 19, 2021: "My wife told me I’ve grown as a person. Her actual word…
“My wife told me she’s making a trail mix without any raisins or M&M’s. I told her, ‘Well that’s just nuts’”
"Nuts" is slang for "crazy" "That's just nuts" can mean "that's just crazy," or it can mean that something is literally "just nuts." This…
“My wife’s a peach—she has a heart of stone”
To say that a person is a "peach" means that this person is admirable or pleasing. "Joe: My math teacher is a peach! Sam: You mean she is pretty? Joe: No, she has a heart of…
“My wife’s cooking has really improved. That was the best slice of soup I’ve ever had!”
Soup usually doesn't come in slices -- except maybe in a joke. This was posted on Reddit -- Jokes on May 17, 2018: "I hate to admit it, but my wife's cooking has seriously…
“My wife’s cooking is incredible. With a silent ‘cr’”
"My wife's cooking is incredible. With a silent 'cr'" is a funny way to say that the cooking is "inedible." The saying was posted on Twitter on January 18, 2016…
“Nachos are just broken tacos”
Nachos have been compared to tacos. "Nachos are broken tacos and ground meat" was posted on Twitter by Mike5ive on August 4, 2009. "Don pablos nachos are whole taco shells that are…
“Nachos are just chip salad”
Many people have referred tp nachos as (tortilla) chip salad. "At my house..we call this 'Chip Salad.' Whatever works, right..? #nachos" was posted on Twitter by Ali Meyer on…
“Nachos are just flat tacos”
Several Mexican foods have been described as "flat tacos." Tostadas are most frequently described as flat tacos, but the description has also been applied to chalupas, Mexican pizza,…
“Nachos are just open-face tacos”
Nachos are sometimes called open-face(d) tacos. "Tostadas are a better fit for 'open faced taco' honors. Nachos are 'exploded tacos'" was posted on Twitter by Brad…
“Nachos are just open-faced tacos”
Nachos are sometimes called open-face(d) tacos. "Tostadas are a better fit for 'open faced taco' honors. Nachos are 'exploded tacos'" was posted on Twitter by Brad…