“My time machine is the best thing till sliced bread”
"The best/greatest thing since sliced bread" is a popular phrase. “What was the greatest thing before sliced bread?” is a question that's sometimes asked, and there is a time…
“My time machine is the best thing untill sliced bread”
"The best/greatest thing since sliced bread" is a popular phrase. “What was the greatest thing before sliced bread?” is a question that's sometimes asked, and there is a time…
“My tolerance for alcohol is higher than my tolerance for people”
"My tolerance for alcohol is way higher than my tolerance for people" is a saying that has been printed on many images. The saying has been said with many slight variations. "high…
“My tolerance for alcohol is much higher than my tolerance for people”
"My tolerance for alcohol is way higher than my tolerance for people" is a saying that has been printed on many images. The saying has been said with many slight variations. "high…
“My tolerance for alcohol is way higher than my tolerance for people”
"My tolerance for alcohol is way higher than my tolerance for people" is a saying that has been printed on many images. The saying has been said with many slight variations. "high…
“My toxic trait is thinking another cup of coffee will help my problems”
"My toxic trait is thinking another cup of coffee will help my problems" is a coffee saying that has been printed on many images. "My toxic trait is thinking another cup of coffee…
“My toxic trait is thinking another cup of coffee will motivate me”
"My toxic trait is thinking another cup of coffee will help my problems" is a coffee saying that has been printed on many images. "My toxic trait is thinking another cup of coffee…
“My toxic trait is thinking I need an iced coffee every time I leave the house”
"My toxic trait is thinking I need an iced coffee every time I leave the house" is a coffee saying that has been printed on many images. "My toxic trait is thinking I have to get…
“My toxic trait is thinking I need to get an iced coffee everytime I leave my house”
"My toxic trait is thinking I need an iced coffee every time I leave the house" is a coffee saying that has been printed on many images. "My toxic trait is thinking I have to get…
“My toxic trait: Hmm, let me see if this food that normally hurts my stomach hurts my stomach TODAY”
Some people know that certain foods are not good for them, but they eat them anyway. This was posted on X/Twitter by Kaye Foley on May 20, 2022, and it received over 193,000 likes: "My toxic…
“My trainer tells me that my fitness goals are within reach. Unfortunately, so are my snacks” (
"All of my fitness goals are within reach, but unfortunately so are the snacks" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "All of my fitness goals are within reach…
“My Tupperware lids and single socks are chilling somewhere laughing at me. Jerks”
"My Tupperware lids and single socks are chilling somewhere laughing at me. Jerks" is a jocular saying about missing Tupperware lids and socks that has been printed on several images.…
“My uncle used to carry a trifle in the army. He was a desserter”
"Deserter" (a member of the armed forces who deserts) shouldn't be confused with "desserter" (someone who enjoys desserts), but there are puns. "Waggish comrades say…
“My veggie drawer identifies as a second cheese drawer”
Some people have a refrigerator with a vegetables drawer and a cheese drawer. Other people, who really love cheese, have two cheese drawers. "I have a cheese drawer instead of a vegetable…
“My wife asked if I wanted to eat some of the chicken on the barbecue. I suggested a chair”
People who want to "eat food on the barbecue" want to eat the food on that is on the barbecue. They do not want to sit on the barbecue to eat food, but there are jokes. "It was a…
“My wife asked if she could have a little peace and quiet while she cooked dinner…” (joke)
A husband's joke about a wife's cooking was posted on Twitter on July 31, 2016: "My wife asked if she could have a little peace and quiet while she cooked dinner. So I took the…
“My wife asked me if I ate the ice cream she had in the freezer…” (joke)
A joke (cited since 2012) was posted on Reddit -- Dadjokes on July 17, 2020: "My wife asked me if I ate the ice cream she had in the freezer? I told her no. I ate it on the couch." “Did…
“My wife asked me if I could clear the kitchen table. I had to get a running start but I made it!”
People sometimes are asked to "clear the table," but this doesn't mean to jump clear over it. A joke was posted on Reddit -- Dadjokes on November 1, 2020: "My wife asked me if I…
“My wife asked me to bring home some stuff for the pancakes” (joke)
"Pancakes" is slang for small breasts. A joke is: "My wife asked me to bring home some stuff for the pancakes yesterday. She wasn't happy when I came back with a push up…
“My wife asked me to put ketchup on the shopping list. I can’t read a word now”
There's a difference between putting the name of a food on the shopping list and putting the actual food on the list, but there are jokes. "My wife asked me to put ketchup on the shopping…