"I spend a lot of time holding the refrigerator door open looking for the answer" is a one-line saying that has been printed on many images. The saying was posted on Twitter by Andy…
"Penne" (a type of pasta) can sound like "penny," and there are jokes about it being "worth every penne." "How did I enjoy my pasta dish? It was worth every…
American comedian Phyllis Diller is credited with a popular Thanksgiving line: "I spent three weeks trying to stuff the Thanksgiving turkey -- through the beak." Diller included the joke…
If you invest in beef stock and chicken stock and vegetable stock, could you become a "bouillonaire" (bouillon + billionaire)? "I bought apple stocks early.......also beef stocks,…
"I stepped on a cornflake this morning. I'm a cereal killer now" -- a pun on "serial killer" -- is a joke that has been printed on many images. "Oh. My. God. I stepped…
"I (still) cook my turkey the old fashioned way. I let my mom do it" is a jocular Thanksgiving saying that has been printed on many images. Mom's cooking of a turkey on Thanksgiving…
"I still don't understand what a wine stopper is for" is a jocular wine saying that has been printed on many images. "I've been known to ask what a wine-stopper is for. I…
"Proofing" is a step in the preparation of yeast bread. There are several puns about this process. "I stole yeast from the local bakery. They can't prove a thing" was…
Many people stop the microwave with one second left and take their food out; this makes them feel like a bomb defusal/disposal expert. "I like to stop the microwave when it gets to one second.…
"I support renewable energy. It's called coffee" is a coffee saying that has been printed on several images. "Yes, I support renewable energy. It’s called coffee" was…
"I sure do eat a lot of food for someone that/who expects to fit into clothes" is a food saying that has been printed on several images. "I sure do eat a lot of food for someone that…
"I sure do eat a lot of food for someone that/who expects to fit into clothes" is a food saying that has been printed on several images. "I sure do eat a lot of food for someone that…
The expression "eat my words" is usually not taken literally, but there are Scrabble jokes. "I don't think there will ever be an edible version of Scrabble. Having said that,…
"Thesaurus" sometimes sounds like "the sorest." "My mom just said when she had strep she had thesaurus throat shes ever had" was posted on Twitter by Jake DeLoera on…
“Ossifer, I swear to drunk I’m not God” is how a drunk might say, "Officer, I swear to God I'm not drunk." The jocular speech pattern has been cited in print since at least…
Pinot Noir is a a red-wine grape variety. There is no "Pinot Moir"/"Pinot Moor"/"Pinot More" (pee no more), but there are jokes. "A California vintner in the Napa…
"I take my coffee with two scoops of it's too early for this shit and a splash of zip it until noon" is a coffee saying that has been printed on many images. "I take my coffee…
"I think all my problems could be solved with fresh blueberry muffins and holding hands with someone" is a saying that was posted on Tumblr on July 19, 2020. The saying evokes life's…
Two related drinking sayings have been printed on many images: "I think Christmas is a wonderful time for drinking. And also after and before Christmas plus all the other days.""I…
"I want to make pancakes, but I keep waffling" -- "waffling" is a joke on "waffles" -- is a jocular saying that has been printed on a sign. "This morning the…