“I think getting older is when you’d rather day drink than go out all night”
"I think getting older is when you'd rather day drink than go out all night" is a saying that has been printed on many images. "I think getting older is when you'd rather…
“I think I’m reaching my ‘Best If Used By’ date”
"I think I’m approaching my 'Best If Used By' date" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. A "Best If Used By" date usually applies to foods, not…
“I think I’ve been eating too much salmon recently. I keep running up down escalators”
If you eat too much salmon, you don't necessarily turn into a salmon and start spawning. This joke was posted on Twitter by Sickipedia Official on December 28, 2013: "I think I've…
“I think I’m approaching my ‘Best If Used By’ date”
"I think I’m approaching my 'Best If Used By' date" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. A "Best If Used By" date usually applies to foods, not…
“I think I’m getting close to my ‘Best If Used By’ date”
"I think I’m approaching my 'Best If Used By' date" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. A "Best If Used By" date usually applies to foods, not…
“I think it’s neat to order whisky, no ice”
A "neat" alcoholic drink is one that is poured straight in the glass -- without ice or anything else. "Know what's neat? no ice" was posted on Twitter on June 12, 2009.…
“I think it’s great that people are finally going to drink water, wipe their ass, and wash hands”
The 2019–20 coronavirus outbreak led to panic buying of water and toilet paper, and to constant messages about washing hands. "I think it’s great that people are finally going to drink…
“I think my ‘check liver’ light is going to come on soon”
Cars have a "check engine" light. People do not have a "check liver" light to see if it can handle more alcohol, but there are jokes. "Check liver light" has been…
“I think my patience is at the bottom of this coffee cup. Hang on while I find it”
"I think my patience is at the bottom of this coffee cup. Hang on while I find it" is a jocular coffee saying that has been printed on many images. The saying was posted on Twitter on…
“I think my soulmate might be carbs”
"I think my soulmate might be carbs" is a jocular one-line saying that has been printed on many images. The saying was posted on Twitter by Katie Kaleidoscope on December 5, 2013,…
“I think someone’s been watering down my whiskey, but I don’t have the proof”
A joke about alcohol proof was posted on Reddit -- Oneliners on February 24, 2021: "I think someone's been Watering down my Whiskey but I don't have the Proof." Wikipedia:…
“I think you’re suffering from a lack of vitamin me”
"I think you're suffering from a lack of vitamin me" -- a pun on vitamin C -- has been printed on many images. The pickup line was posted on the newsgroup XciteFun on November 6,…
“I thought ‘clean eating’ was devouring cupcakes while mopping the floor”
"Clean eating" means cutting out junk foods. It has nothing to do with housecleaning (cleaning and eating at the same time), but there are jokes. "I thought 'clean eating'…
“I thought a flautist was an expert in flautas”
"Flauta" (Spanish for "flute") is a Mexican dish. There are, of course, jokes involving flute players, or "flautists." "Why are people who play the flute called…
“I thought a gyroscope helped you find Greek food”
"Gyro" (a Greek food) and "gyroscope" a measuring device) are not the same thing and are usually not pronounced the same, but there are jokes. "New iPhone 4 adds a…
“I thought I dipped my tortilla chip into cheese sauce, but it was a queso mistaken identity”
"Queso" (Spanish for "cheese") can sound like "case of." "It was a queso mistaken identity" was posted on the newsgroup rec.outdoors.fishing.fly on December…
“I thought the dryer made my clothes shrink. Turns out it was the refrigerator”
"I thought the dryer made my clothes shrink. Turns out it was the refrigerator" -- that is, the person ate too much and can't fit into the same clothes -- is a jocular saying that…
“I thought turkey bacon was when you ate three pieces of bacon in a row. Sort of like bowling”
A "turkey" in bowling is three strikes in a row. "I thought turkey bacon was when you ate three pieces of bacon in a row. Sort of like bowling" was posted on X/Twitter by Kyle…
“I threw old kale in my backyard and now the squirrels are riding little Pelotons and requesting coconut water”
Kale has a reputation as a New Age food. This was posted on X/Twitter by Abby Heugel on April 3, 2023: "I threw old kale in my backyard and now the squirrels are riding little Pelotons and…
“I threw out animal crackers because the box said, ‘Do not consume if seal is broken’”
A box of animal crackers often has a "seal" cracker. A joke was posted on the newsgroup comp.databases.informix on August 17, 1993: "'I bought a box of animal crackers. It said,…