“I run on equal parts coffee and spite”
Entry in progress -- BP X/Twitter Emam @eN4STY fueled by spite and also by caffeine a lil 6:23 PM · May 10, 2017 X/Twitter Lara Mann @larasgalaxyjax If it weren’t for coffee and spite in equal…
“I said ‘THE FLOOR IS JAVA’ when I dropped my coffee and I got a high five from 5 other dads”
"The floor is lava" is a game. "The floor is java" is a coffee pun. "The floor is java" is also a Java programming language joke. "I want to play the floor is…
“I saw a family of raisins in the bank today. They were opening a currant account!”
Many people have a "current account" at a bank; a "currant" account is a popular pun that was cited in a 2008 book. "I just got asked if I wanted to invest in a business…
“I saw a pasta driving a piece of yellow fruit. Spaghetti in a car banana”
Entry in progress -- B.P. Wikipedia: CarbonaraCarbonara (Italian: [karboˈnaːra]) is an Italian pasta dish from Rome made with eggs, cheese (Pecorino Romano or Parmigiano-Reggiano), bacon…
“I saw an Amish billboard that said, ‘don’t drink or drive’”
"Don't drink and drive" is a popular saying. "Don't drink or drive" -- with an Amish picture -- is a saying that has been printed on many T-shirts. BustedTees came out…
“I saw an Elvis impersonator covered in cream and black cherries, singing ‘In the Gâteau’”
"Gâteau" (plural is "gâteaux") is French for "cake." It sounds like the word "ghetto." Both "gâteau" and ""gâteaux" have been…
“I say it’s spinach, and I say the hell with it”
The famous New Yorker cartoon was on December 8, 1928, with a drawing by Carl Rose and text by E. B. White: Young Mother: "It's broccoli, dear."Young Daughter: "I say it's…
“I say no to alcohol, it just doesn’t listen”
"I say no to alcohol, it just doesn't listen" is a jocular line that has been printed on GIFs. The saying has been cited in print since at least August 2007, the first of several…
“I scream for ice cream” (“I scream, you scream, we all scream for ice cream”)
"I Scream, You Scream, We All Scream for Ice Cream" is the title of a popular 1927 song. However, the spelling "I scream" for "ice cream" has been used in New York…
“I see the price of Oxo cubes has shot up again. The stock market’s gone crazy”
The Oxo company manufactures beef stock cubes, among other products. There have been several Oxo puns mentioning the "stock" market. "Retweeting @andrewsayer: I see the price of Oxo…
“I sell pies from my car. $2 for apple, $3 for pumpkin. These are the pie rates of the car I be in”
"Pie Rates of the Caribbean”—a pun on the Pirates of the Caribbean film series—has been printed on many images. A different version was posted on Reddit -- Jokes on January 14, 2019:…
“I sexually identify as a microwave dinner…” (joke)
"I sexually identify as a microwave dinner because I’m ready in 5 minutes but don’t look anything like my photos" is a joke that was posted on Twitter by Lisa Marie on October 7,…
“I should never have climbed into this vat of curdled milk. I’m in whey over my head”
"I should never have climbed into this vat of curdled milk, I'm in whey over my head" is a joke with a popular whey/way pun. The oneliner was posted on Twitter by Tony Cowards on…
“I should quit my job to focus on cooking dinner”
Dinner takes a lot of effort to prepare, and having a job can conflict with this. "Might quit my job to focus on cooking dinner every day for the rest of my life" was posted on X/Twitter…
“I shouldn’t have had seafood because now I’m feeling a little eel”
"I knew I shouldn't have had the seafood because now I'm feeling a little eel" is a jocular one-liner that has been printed on many images. "You'll have to excuse me,…
“I slept in a bed of rice last night. I was asleep as soon as my head hit the pilau”
"Pilaf" (U.S. spelling) is a rice dish that is spelled "pilau" in the United Kingdom, and, of course, there are "pillow" jokes. "I slept in a bed of rice last…
“I sometimes wonder if Uncle Ben and Aunt Jemima are married to each other”
Uncle Ben's is a brand name for rice products. Aunt Jemima is a brand name for pancake mixes and syrups. People sometimes joke that Uncle Ben and Aunt Jemima are married, and this has been…
“I speak fluent French (fries)”
"I speak French (fries)" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "I speak fluent French (fries)" has also been printed on many images. "I speak French…
“I speak French (fries)”
"I speak French (fries)" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "I speak fluent French (fries)" has also been printed on many images. "I speak French…
“I spend a lot of time holding the fridge door open looking for answers”
"I spend a lot of time holding the refrigerator door open looking for the answer" is a one-line saying that has been printed on many images. The saying was posted on Twitter by Andy…