"I pretended to be asleep and then I fell asleep. Now I'm going to pretend I'm skinny" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "I pretended to be asleep,…
People often cry when they cut up onions, but not when they cut up carrots or other vegetables. "I purposely cry while cutting carrots so onions don't think they're ugly or…
The word "moist" makes some people uncomfortable. This was posted on X/Twitter by Rodney Lacroix on November 20, 2023: "I purposely overcook my holiday turkeys so I don’t have to…
"Hindsight" is sometimes joked as "Heinzsight" (involving Heinz ketchup). "Pouring ketchup in my eyes was a mistake in Heinz sight" was posted on Twitter by IVESGAGS…
The expression "get one's knickers in a twist" shouldn't be confused with "Snickers in a Twix," but there are jokes. Snickers and Twix are chocolate bars.…
"Surprise" shouldn't be confused with "soup rise," but there are jokes. "overheard someone, who added yeast to their broth, say, ''Well, that was a…
"Cold turkey" is defined as a sudden stop to a dependency (such as smoking or drugs). A pun on the "cold turkey" term appeared in New York magazine on November 20, 1978: "I…
Some people run...for ice cream? "I Ran Five Miles Today.....Damn Ice Cream Truck Still Didn't Stop...Even Though I Was Yellin & Wavin My Money At Him!!" was posted on Twitter on…
"I ran out of coffee this morning. Tequila seemed a reasonable replacement. Everyone is so pretty" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "I ran out of coffee this…
Blue Moion is a Belgian-style witbier brewed by MillerCoors. The beer is usually served with an orange slice. There are many "once in a Blue Moon" jokes. "I hardly ever eat orange…
American comedian Rita Rudner used a successful line in her routine by at least 2000: "I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and think, 'Well, that's…
A banana a day can help the colon. However, one should eat the banana -- and not attempt to directly insert it into the colon. "Maxwell said a banana a day is good for keeping your colon…
Some doctors believe that cinnamon helps for weight control -- so patients can then order a lot of cinnamon rolls? This is just a food joke because no one eats cinnamon rolls to lose weight.…
The frozen food instructions "remove cardboard sleeve and film" doesn't mean to film the dish, but there are jokes. "'Remove cardboard sleeve and film', so I did. My…
Chips and salsa make many people feel good. Do chips and salsa have healing powers? "dr recommended another week of rest....and Mexican for lunch. The amazing healing power of chips and…
A "bread knife" cuts bread; the knife is not made of bread, but there are jokes. This was posted on Reddit -- 3amjokes on July 19, 2019: "I recently bought a bread knife. It's…
"I decided to become a fruitarian! Meaning I only eat things that naturally fall from a tree! Yesterday I had 2 apples and an Owl!" was posted on Twitter by Sarah Jane Cruickshank on…
Horlicks is a British sweet malted milk hot drink powder. Ovaltine is a brand of milk flavoring product made with malt extract. "Malty millionaire" is a pun on…
Many people refuse to drink tap water until it’s gone though their Brita filter -- even though they haven’t changed that filter in years! This popular comment was posted on Twitter by Mac…
"I relabeled all the jars in my mom's spice rack. I'm not in trouble yet but the thyme is cumin" was posted on Reddit -- Jokes on February 22, 2019. "Thyme is cumin"…