“Crying all the way to the bank” (“Laughing all the way to the bank”)
"Crying all the way to the bank" (or "laughing all the way to the bank") means that, regardless of the situtation, that person has made money to take to the bank. A critic once…
“Customer Service: How does your name appear on your credit card?” (joke)
"How does you name appear on your credit card?" is a typical credit card question, asking about a name's spelling and any middle name or initial. However. several jokes take this…
“Customer: I have a question about my account. Teller: Withdrawal?” (joke)
"Withdrawal" shouldn't be confused with "with drawl," but there are jokes. This was posted on Twitter by meghan on April 5, 2021: Customer: I have a question about my…
“Cut your losses and let your profits run” (Wall Street proverb)
"Cut your losses (short) and let your profits run" is an old Wall Street adage, cited in print from at least 1837. The proverb is frequently attributed to British economist David Ricardo…
“Dear account balance: Wingardium Leviosa”
"Dear account balance: Wingardium Leviosa" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. It means that the speaker has a low bank account balance, and desires it to levitate…
“Decided to give all my money to Charity last night. The other strippers were a bit miffed”
"Charity" is (or was) a popular stripper name. The Broadway musical Sweet Charity (1966) and its 1969 movie adaptation further popularized the "Charity" name. "I give to…
“Deciding whether to buy gold or silver is an either ore situation”
"I've been called a rare commodity. I wonder if that makes me silver or gold? I guess I could be either ore" is a gold and silver pun that was posted on the website Pun of the Day on…
“Definition of obscene profits — something you always hear about but never experience yourself”
Mark Skousen's book, The Maxims of Wall Street (2011), contains: “Definition of obscene profits — something you always hear about but never experience yourself.” That is, an…
“Despite the high cost of living, it remains very popular”
"Despite the high cost of living, it remains (very) popular" (or, "Despite the high cost of living, it remains a popular item") is a jocular statement that has been printed on…
“Did Jesus pay for our sins with cash or credit? He used PrayPal”
"bones-and-bricks" posted on tumblr. on August 30, 2013: "did Jesus pay for our sins with cash or credithe used praypal" The PrayPal (pray + PayPal) joke has been frequently…
“Did you hear about the ATM that got addicted to money? It suffered from withdrawals”
A banking joke about an AtM was posted on Twitter by Jason Parker on May 17, 2014: "Did you hear about the ATM that was addicted to money? It suffered from withdrawals. #BadJokeSaturday"…
“Did you hear about the coin shortage? Apparently, America is literally out of common cents”
The 2019-2020 coronavirus pandemic resulted in a coin shortage in the United States. "The recent coin shortage shows us that we're all 'Missing common cents?'" -- a pun on…
“Did you hear about the guy who made a fortune investing in Apple? He was in cider trading”
"In cider trading" is a pun on "insider trading." "I was thrown out of the London Stock Exchange for standing in a bucket of Scrumpy, apparently there's rules against…
“Discretionary goods—things people don’t need, paid for with money people don’t have”
"Discretionary goods -- things that people don't really need and are paid for with money people really don't have" was written by Jon Marksman on MarketWatch on June 23, 2010.…
“Divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man’s genitals through his wallet”
American comedian and actor Robin Williams (1951-2014) said: "Ah yes, divorce, from that Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet." It's uncertain when…
“Do I run? Yes. Out of patience, fucks and money”
"Do you run? Yes. Out of patience, fucks and money" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images -- especially running shirts. "Do I run?Yes. Out of patience,fucks and…
“Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market”
The stock market doesn't sell chicken stock, but there's a joke: "Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market." "To me, stock market means…
“Do Your Own Due Diligence” (DYODD)
"Due diligence" is a term that dates from at least 1598 in the Oxford English Dictionary, meaning "appropriate, sufficient, or proper care and attention." "Do Your Own Due…
“Does balancing my checkbook count as exercise?”
"Does balancing my checkbook count as exercise?" is a one-line saying about exercise. The joke was posted by Mary Charlene on Twitter on March 3, 2014. "Does running late count as…
“Does running out of money count as exercise?”
"Does running out of money count as exercise?" is a jocular question that has been printed on many images. “The only exercise he ever got was running out of money" was cited in…