“What’s the fastest way to transfer money?”/“Get married.”
What's the fastest way to transfer money? "Electronic Banking is a fast way to transfer money. Marriage is an even faster way" was posted on Twitter on April 17, 2009. "2nd…
“What’s the hardest thing to sell to a ghost?”/“Life insurance.”
A ghost riddle is: Q: What's the hardest thing to sell to a ghost? A: Life insurance. The life insurance joke has been cited in print since at least 1992. Google Books102 Haunted House JokesBy…
“What’s the use of happiness? It can’t buy you money”
"Money can't buy happiness" is a proverb that has been cited in English since at least 1821. There have been many jocular additions and variations to the proverb. "What good is…
“What’s the exchange rate between pounds, rubles, dollars?”/“A pound of rubles equals a dollar.”
A joke about the small value of the old Soviet Union's currency was posted on the newsgroup net.jokes on November 24, 1983: Q: What are the relative values of the British pound, American…
“When a fellow says, ‘It ain’t the money but the principle of the thing,’ it’s the money”
Kin Hubbard (1868-1930) drew the popular "Abe Martin Says" one-panel newspaper comic. Many sayings became widely quoted. "When a feller says, 'It hain't th' money, but…
“When a habit begins to cost money, it is called a hobby”
"When a habit begins to cost money, it is called a hobby" is a jocular one-line saying that appears to have been coined in the "Little Liz" newspaper comic strip in January…
“When a man retires, his wife gets twice the husband and half the salary”
“When a man retires, his wife gets twice/double the husband and half the salary/pay/income/cash" is an old retirement joke, cited in print since at least 1964. The saying has been credited…
“When a man says money can do anything, that settles it: He hasn’t any”
American novelist and journalist Edgar Watson Howe (1853-1937) wrote as one of his "Country Town Sayings" in 1911: "When a man says money can do anything, that settles it: He…
“When a woman puts me in the friend zone, I immediately borrow money from her”
Do true friend let you borrow money and never pay it back. Jay posted this joke on Twitter on September 27, 2013: "When a woman puts me in the friend zone the first thing I do is borrow money…
“When accountants go insane, do they start to hear invoices?
A joke about accountants/bookkeepers is: "When accountants go insane, do they start to hear invoices? The joke has been cited on Twitter since December 2, 2011. The "hear invoices"…
“When E. F. Hutton talks, people listen” (E. F. Hutton)
The investment firm of E. F. Hutton is now part of the Citigroup family. E. F. Hutton is still remembered for its catchy advertising slogan: "When E. F. Hutton talks, people listen." The…
“When even shoeshine boys are giving you stock tips, it’s time to sell” (Joseph P. Kennedy?)
An old Wall Street saying has it that when everybody's getting into the market and even the shoeshine boy is giving stock tips (or the barber/hairdresser or the taxi driver or the waiter or…
“When everybody gets to one side of the boat, it usually tips over”
"When everybody gets to one side of the boat, it usually tips over" is an old Wall Street saying of unknown authorship. The saying describes market panics or manias when everyone starts…
“When homeless people ask me for change, I tell them ‘change comes from within’”
"When a bum comes up to you (...) Tell him, 'Change comes from within, man..'" was posted on the newsgroup alt.religion.wicca on December 24, 1999. "When a homeless guy…
“When I grow up, I’d like to be a retired lottery winner”
"When I grow up, I'd like to be a retired lottery winner" is a jocular saying that has been printed on several images. "When I grow up I'd like to be a 'Retired…
“When I was at school, people used to throw gold bars at me. I was the victim of bullion”
Some people at school are victims of bullying. English comedian Tim Vine has used this joke in his act since at least 2008: "When I was at school, people used to throw gold bars at me. I was…
“When in doubt, get out” or “When in doubt, stay out” (Wall Street adage)
"When in doubt, get out" or "When in doubt, stay out" (also "If in doubt, get out" or "If in doubt, stay out") is an old stock market saying that dates at…
“When it becomes serious, you have to lie”
Jean-Claude Juncker was the PrimeMinister of Luxembourg and the President of the Eurogroup when, on April 20, 2011, he said that Eurozone economic policies should be made in dark secret rooms, away…
“When it comes to giving, some people stop at nothing”
"When it comes to helping you, some people stop at nothing" was written in April 1959 by syndicated newspaper columnist Helen Bottel (1914-1999). "When it comes to giving, some…
“When my money low, I don’t feel good. I think I’m a dollarbetic”
"When my money low, I don't feel good. I think I'm a dollarbetic" (usually shown spoken by Baby Yoda) is a saying that has been printed on many images. "Dollarbetic"…