"I got so drunk last night, I walked across the dance floor to get another drink and won the dance contest" is a jocular saying that as been printed on many images. "Last night I was…
Entry in progress -- B.P. Twitter Sawyer Stone @FuckinnShiti sooooooo wasted I don't kno if I found some keys or lost a car2:19 PM - 26 Sep 2013 TwitterRyan @RyanGoodyerI'm so…
"I got so much procrastinating done today" is a jocular work saying that has been printed on many images. "Got up early so I could get more procrastinating done today. Only managed…
The 2019–20 coronavirus pandemic forced many people to stay at home in quarantine. "It's driving me crazy not going out. I was that pissed last night I don't remember getting home…
A bee stings, but it usually doesn't have a sting operation -- that is, to catch suckers. "IT'S early evening in a south London pub and Robbie Williams -- for so long dubbed `the…
"Monopoly money" (from the board game Monopoly
"Politics" is sometimes jocularly written as "polly tics," and there's a "polly" joke about "political correctness." "@DanRebellato *starts car*…
A teacher joke was posted by Jamie Tighe on Twitter on January 21, 2014: "I got voted 'Least Likely To Succeed' by my high school class. Christ I hate being a teacher." The joke…
"I gotta get my life together. This damn heat made me realize I can’t go to hell" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "It's hot af fam. This weather made…
AncestryDNA tests for ethnicity. A popular St. Patrick's Day joke is about a test for Irish roots. "I grew up all my life believing I was Irish. But thanks to http://ancestry.Com I now…
An old joke describes a rich person who claims to have grown up surrounded by poverty -- the maid was poor, the butler was poor, the chauffeur was poor and the gardener was poor. The joke dates to…
"Why did the chicken cross the road?"/"To get to the other side" is a classic riddle from the 19th century. A popular joke variation is: "I grilled a chicken for two hours…
"My girlfriend said she'd break up with me if I kept making puns about our seasonings and spices. I guess it's only a matter of thyme until bay leaves" was posted on Reddit --…
"I guess that people who run marathons for fun haven’t heard about sex and booze" and "I bet people who run marathons for fun haven't heard about sex and alcohol" are…
Harry Nilsson wrote "I Guess the Lord Must Be in New York City" for the movie Midnight Cowboy (1969), but the director used Nilsson's "Everybody's Talkin'"…
Many hotels serve continental breakfasts. One joke is that some serve African continent breakfasts -- that is, not much food. "I'd forgotten how broadly interpreted Continental Breakfast…
"OMG" (Oh My God) shouldn't be confused with "0mg" (no milligrams), but there are jokes. "I had a crazy dream that I weighed less than a thousandth of a gram. I was,…
This pun was posted on Reddit -- Jokes on April 28, 2022: "I had a dream I was driving a Ferrari last night... I was fast, asleep." A Ferrari is an Italian luxury sports car that can go…
English writer and comedian Tim Vine has a frequently told one-line joke about dicing carrots: "I had a dream last night that I was cutting carrots with the Grim Reaper -- dicing with…
"Auto body experience" is a pun on "out-of-body-experience," and there are many jokes. "Did you hear about the clairvoyant who repaired his fender bender? He had an auto…