“I got a bottle of scotch for my wife…” (joke)
New York-based comedian Henny Youngman (1906-1998) did a liquor commercial in 1972: “I got a case of Hoffman’s for my wife...that’s not a bad trade.” The line has had many variations.…
Food/Drink
“I got a job at a paperless office. Everything was great until I needed to use the bathroom”
Entry in progress -- BP “Their plan for a paperless office looked good, on paper” is a related joke. Google Groups: rec.humor oxymorons Henry Troup Jul 11, 1991, 6:17:30 PM (...) "a…
“I got a job at Comcast and completed training so I could fix my own cable…” (joke)
Customer service for a communications company such as Comcast or Spectrum can take a long time. A joke was posted on Twitter by Simon Holland on May 8, 2017: "I got a job at Comcast and…
“I got a job at Spectrum and completed training so I could fix my own cable…” (joke)
Customer service for a communications company such as Comcast or Spectrum can take a long time. A joke was posted on Twitter by Simon Holland on May 8, 2017: "I got a job at Comcast and…
“I got a job for the summer filling salt and pepper pots. It’s only seasonal work”
A food joke involves the terms "seasoning" (salt and pepper, in the joke) and "seasonal work." "Why didn't the server want a job filling salt and pepper shakers?...…
“I got a job making plastic Draculas. Two of us work, so I have to make every second count”
To "make every second count" does not mean to "make every second Count Dracula," but there are jokes. "Bought a Dracula themed clock. Every second Count" was posted on…
“I got a new job at the guillotine factory. I’ll beheading there soon”
"beheading" sounds like "be heading." "Going to an interview at a guillotine factory. I'll beheading there soon, maybe!" was posted on Twitter by Jay Gonzales on…
“I got a rejection letter from the origami university today, I’m not sure what to make of it”
A joke about college rejection letters was posted on Twitter by "the name is Les" on November 18, 2018: "I got a rejection letter from the origami university today, I’m not sure…
“I got a sweater for Christmas, but I really wanted a screamer or a moaner”
"I got a sweater for Christmas, but I really wanted a screamer or a moaner" is a jocular one-line saying that has been printed on many images. The line was posted to the newsgroup…
“I got an A on my origami assignment when I turned my paper into my teacher”
"I got an A on my origami assignment when I turned my paper into my teacher" was posted on X/Twitter by Trey on April 19, 2016. "dailybadjokes: I got an A on my origami assignment…
“I got an apartment over a bank. Now my assets over 10 million dollars”
A money joke was told by The Unknown Comic (Murray Langston) on television's The Gong Show (1976-1980): "I got an apartment over a bank. Now my assets over 10 million dollars." The…
“I got an invite to a wedding that said ‘black tie only’” (joke)
An invitation stating "black tie only" means that men must wear a black tie, but not only a black tie. "I got an invite to a wedding that said 'black tie only'. But when I…
“I got arrested for studying abroad. Stalking is what the judge prefers to call it”
"Studying abroad" shouldn't be confused with "studying a broad," but there are jokes. "I got arrested for studying abroad. The police called it stalking" was…
“I got arrested for studying abroad. The police called it stalking”
"Studying abroad" shouldn't be confused with "studying a broad," but there are jokes. "I got arrested for studying abroad. The police called it stalking" was…
“I got arrested yesterday for stealing hay from a farmer. I’ve been refused bale”
"Bail" shouldn't be confused with "bale," but there are jokes. "I got arrested yesterday for stealing hay from a farmer. I’ve been refused bale" was posted on…
“I got asked to leave a hall of mirrors yesterday. I said, ‘Don’t worry, I’ll see myself out’”
The saying "I'll see myself out" means that someone will leave the premises without further assistance. It doesn't mean literal seeing, but there is a hall of mirrors joke.…
“I got booted from the coffee club because I wore a tea shirt”
"T-shirt" shouldn't be confused with "tea shirt," but there are jokes. "Got thrown out of Coffee Club. I turned up wearing a tea shirt" was posted on Twitter by…
“I got confused by all the yard signs, and I think I may have voted for a realtor”
Many people put political signs in their yards, and this sometimes gets confused with realty signs. "Remember to double check lawn signs this Primary Election Season, I almost voted for a…
“I got eczema, diarrhoea, gonorrhoea and haemorrhoids last week. First time I’ve ever won a game of Scrabble”
Eczema, diarrhoea, gonorrhoea and haemorrhoids are difficult to spell, and there are Scrabble jokes. "I got eczema, diarrhoea, gonorrhoea and haemorrhoids last week. First time I've ever…
“I got expelled from music school for theft, but all I was doing was taking notes”
"Taking notes" usually means "making notes," not "taking" or "stealing" them. Several jokes involve music school and music "notes." "I once…