“I gave up my seat to a blind person on the bus” (joke)
A joke about giving up a seat on the bus was posted to Reddit on October 8, 2016: "I gave up my seat to a blind person on the bus. That's how I lost my job as a bus driver." The joke…
Food/Drink
“I General Lee don’t find civil war jokes funny”
Confederate General Robert E. Lee (1807-1870) has a name that sounds like the word "generally" (General Lee). "Civil War jokes? I General Lee don't find them funny" is a…
“I General Lee don’t find civil war puns to be funny”
Confederate General Robert E. Lee (1807-1870) has a name that sounds like the word "generally" (General Lee). "Civil War jokes? I General Lee don't find them funny" is a…
“I General Lee don’t care for Civil War jokes”
Confederate General Robert E. Lee (1807-1870) has a name that sounds like the word "generally" (General Lee). "Civil War jokes? I General Lee don't find them funny" is a…
“I get fatter and broker each time I don’t take my lunch to work”
People who forget to bring lunch from home to work often have to buy it. A saying was posted on Reddit -- Shower Thoughts on August 11, 2017: "I get fatter and broker each time I don't…
“I get most of my exercise these days from shaking my head in disbelief”
"I get most of my exercise these days from shaking my head in disbelief" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. The quote was posted on Twitter by Mr Roger Quimbly on…
“I get nostalgic when reversing my car. It always takes me back”
"I get nostalgic when reversing my car. It always takes me back" is a car joke that was posted on Reddit -- Dad Jokes on June 18, 2018. The joke was also posted on Reddit -- Oneliners and…
“I get paid to be nice at work. Not sure why family and friends expect that for free”
"I get paid to be nice at work. Not sure why family and friends expect that for free" is a jocular line that has been printed on ecards. "I get paid to be nice to people at work. So…
“I get them online. I’ll send you a link.”/“Oh, well, at home, I smoke sausages. I’ll send you a link.”
Internet links and sausage links aren't the same links, but there are jokes. "I get them online. I'll send you a link."/"Oh, well, at home, I smoke sausages. I'll send…
“I get within ten feet of a rotisserie chicken and start acting different”
Many people love rotisserie chicken. "I get within ten feet of a rotisserie chicken and start acting different" was posted on X/Twitter by serena shahidi on October 5, 2024, and this…
“I give in to beer pressure”
"I give in to beer pressure" -- a beer pun on "peer pressure" -- is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "I give into peer pressure" is another form…
“I give the eclipse one star”
How does one rate an eclipse? How many stars? "I score the eclipse, minus one star" was posted on Twitter on March 20, 2015. Reviewers of the August 21, 2017 solar eclipse were more…
“I go to the gym almost every day—almost Monday, almost Tuesday…”
"I go to the gym almost every day -- almost Monday, almost Tuesday..." is a joke spoken by someone who almost never goes to the gym. "I go to the gym almost every day. Almost Monday,…
“I go to the gym religiously. About twice a year around the holidays”
To do something "religiously" usually means to do it regularly and well -- to please God. However, not everyone is religious. "Tell people you go to the gym religiously When they…
“I go to work, I make my coworkers wonder what is wrong with me, and then I clock out”
"I go to work, I make my coworkers wonder what is wrong with me, and then I clock out" is a saying that has been printed on many images. "I go to work, I make my coworkers wonder…
“I googled my symptoms. Turns out I just need more coffee”
"I googled my symptoms. Turned/Turns out I just need more coffee" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. The speaker believes that the caffeine in coffee can energize…
“I googled my symptoms. Turns out I’m a bitch”
"I googled my symptoms. Turns out I'm a bitch" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "A tweet that made me laugh: I was googling my cold symptoms; turns out…
“I Googled the phrase ‘missing medieval servant.’ It came back with ‘Page not found’”
"Courtesy of @themiltonjones live tonight in St Albans: don't try googling 'lost medieval servant boy.' You'll get 'page not found'" was posted on Twitter by…
“I googled your symptoms. The good news is you might just need coffee. The bad news is you could be a zombie”
"I googled my symptoms. Turned/Turns out I just need more coffee" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. The speaker believes that the caffeine in coffee can energize…
“I got a bill in the mail that said FINAL NOTICE. What a relief!”
"I got a bill in the mail that said FINAL NOTICE. What a relief!" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. That is, the speaker is happy not to be bothered again about…