“I do not want to have a career. I want to sit on the porch”
"I do not want to have a career. I want to sit on the porch" is a saying that has been printed on many images. Many people would rather relax at home than go to work. The saying was…
Food/Drink
“I do really good on my diet for like 8 or 9 hours, and then I wake up”
A diet is easy to follow --when one is sleeping (and not eating). "I do really good on my diet for like 8 or 9 hours, and then I wake up" was posted on X/Twitter by That Girl on January…
“I do resistance training every day. It’s called refusing to go to the gym”
"Resistance training" doesn't mean resisting going to the gym, but that's the popular joke. "I'm counting the past 2 hours lying on the couch *not* going to the gym as…
“I do ten sit ups every morning. It might not sound like much, but there are only so many times you can hit the snooze button”
"I do 5 sit-ups every morning. May not sound like much, but there's only so many times you can hit the snooze button" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. To the…
“I do whatever I can to fight poverty. Only the other day I punched a tramp”
The saying "fight poverty" doesn't mean to attack poor people, but there are jokes. "I saw an amazing looking girl the other day wearing a T-Shirt that said 'Fight…
“I do whatever my Rice Krispies tell me to do”
"I do whatever my rice crispies/krispies tell me to" is a popular bumper sticker saying. Kellogg's Rice Krispies cereal says "snap, crackle, pop" when milk is added…
“I do yoga to relieve stress. Just kidding! I drink wine in yoga pants”
"I do yoga to relieve stress. Just kidding! I drink wine in yoga pants" is a jocular yoga saying that has been printed on many images. "'@Carrie_Br4dshaw: I do yoga to relieve…
“I do yoga to relieve stress. Just kidding! I drink wine in yoga pants”
"I do yoga to relieve stress. Just kidding! I drink wine in yoga pants" is a jocular yoga saying that has been printed on many images. "'@Carrie_Br4dshaw: I do yoga to relieve…
“I don’t advertise my lip reading business. It’s all word of mouth”
Some businesses don't advertise, but succeed by word of mouth. A joke was posted on Reddit -- Dad Jokes on October 26, 2018: "I don't advertise my lip reading business. It's all…
“I don’t always carry all the groceries on one arm, but when I do, my keys are in the wrong pocket”
"I don't always carry all the groceries on one arm, but when I do, my keys are in the wrong pocket" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. One image involves…
“I don’t always drink water, but when I do it’s filtered water. Through my coffeemaker. It’s coffee”
"I don't always drink water, but when I do, it's coffee" is a coffee saying that has been printed on many images. One image involves "The Most Interesting Man in the…
“I don’t always drink water, but when I do, it’s coffee”
"I don't always drink water, but when I do, it's coffee" is a coffee saying that has been printed on many images. One image involves "The Most Interesting Man in the…
“I don’t always go the extra mile, but when I do it’s because I missed my exit”
To "go the extra mile" is an idiom meaning to give an extra effort. "Extra mile" usually is not meant literally, but there are jokes. "I don't always go the extra…
“I don’t always have time to study…but when I do, I don’t”
"I don't always have time to study (for exams)...but when I do, I don't" is a joke based on the Dos Equis "Most Interesting Man in the World" advertisement tagline…
“I don’t always have to retype my password, but when I do, I stab each letter into the keyboard”
Many people have to retype a password. When they retype it, they often do it carefully, and stab the keyboard. "I don't always have to retype my password but when I do, I stab each letter…
“I don’t always ignore government health advice, but when I do, I end up healthier”
"I don't always ignore government health advice, but when I do, I end up healthier" is an anti-government saying. Government's health advice might be influenced by milllions of…
“I don’t always tell dad jokes. But when I do, he laughs”
There's a difference between "telling dad" jokes and telling "dad jokes." The former is told to a father, while the latter is usually told by a father. A joke was posted on…
“I don’t always tolerate stupid people, but when I do, I’m probably at work”
"I don't always tolerate stupid people, but when I do, I'm probably at work" -- a work variation of the :Most Interesting Man in the World" meme -- is a jocular saying that…
“I don’t believe anything the government tells me. Nothing. Zero”
"I have certain rules I live by. My first rule: I don't believe anything the government tells me. Nothing. Zero" is a saying credited to American stand-up comedian George Carlin…
“I don’t believe the liberal media”
"I don't believe the liberal media" was a slogan of the National Conservative Foundation in 1985. Later, the slogan was used by the Media Research Center (a conservative media…