“I do my best proofreading after I hit ‘send’”
"I do my best proofreading after I hit 'send'" is a jocular one-line saying that has been printed on many images. The saying was posted on Twitter on March 14, 2009, but it…
Food/Drink
“I do my best thinking when I’m drinking”
" I do my best thinking when I'm drinking" is a T-shirt slogan. The saying has been cited in print since at least 2006. Zazzle.comI Do My Best Thinking When I'm Drinking Shirt…
“I do not find in Christianity one redeeming feature” (Jefferson?)
In October 2011, a California atheist group put up a billboard with the following anti-Christian saying attributed to founding father Thomas Jefferson: "I do not find in Christianity one…
“I do not hate morning people. Morning has nothing to do with it”
"I do not hate morning people. Morning has nothing to do with it" is a saying that has been printed on many images. "I don't hate morning people. Mornings have nothing to do…
“I do not have ducks. Or a row. I have squirrels and they’re everywhere”
To "get one's ducks in a row" means to take care of one’s duties and responsibilities. Many people do not have their "ducks in a row." "I don't have ducks. I…
“I do resistance training every day. It’s called refusing to go to the gym”
"Resistance training" doesn't mean resisting going to the gym, but that's the popular joke. "I'm counting the past 2 hours lying on the couch *not* going to the gym as…
“I do ten sit-ups every morning—hitting the snooze button”
"I do ten sit-ups every morning. It might not sound like much, but there are only so many times you can hit the snooze button" is a jocular saying by a lazy person who just wants to go…
“I do whatever I can to fight poverty. Only the other day I punched a tramp”
The saying "fight poverty" doesn't mean to attack poor people, but there are jokes. "I saw an amazing looking girl the other day wearing a T-Shirt that said 'Fight…
“I do whatever my Rice Krispies tell me to do”
"I do whatever my rice crispies/krispies tell me to" is a popular bumper sticker saying. Kellogg's Rice Krispies cereal says "snap, crackle, pop" when milk is added…
“I do yoga to relieve stress. Just kidding! I drink wine in yoga pants”
"I do yoga to relieve stress. Just kidding! I drink wine in yoga pants" is a jocular yoga saying that has been printed on many images. "'@Carrie_Br4dshaw: I do yoga to relieve…
“I do yoga to relieve stress. Just kidding! I drink wine in yoga pants”
"I do yoga to relieve stress. Just kidding! I drink wine in yoga pants" is a jocular yoga saying that has been printed on many images. "'@Carrie_Br4dshaw: I do yoga to relieve…
“I don’t advertise my lip reading business. It’s all word of mouth”
Some businesses don't advertise, but succeed by word of mouth. A joke was posted on Reddit -- Dad Jokes on October 26, 2018: "I don't advertise my lip reading business. It's all…
“I don’t always carry all the groceries on one arm, but when I do, my keys are in the wrong pocket”
"I don't always carry all the groceries on one arm, but when I do, my keys are in the wrong pocket" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. One image involves…
“I don’t always drink water, but when I do it’s filtered water. Through my coffeemaker. It’s coffee”
"I don't always drink water, but when I do, it's coffee" is a coffee saying that has been printed on many images. One image involves "The Most Interesting Man in the…
“I don’t always drink water, but when I do, it’s coffee”
"I don't always drink water, but when I do, it's coffee" is a coffee saying that has been printed on many images. One image involves "The Most Interesting Man in the…
“I don’t always go the extra mile, but when I do it’s because I missed my exit”
To "go the extra mile" is an idiom meaning to give an extra effort. "Extra mile" usually is not meant literally, but there are jokes. "I don't always go the extra…
“I don’t always have time to study…but when I do, I don’t”
"I don't always have time to study (for exams)...but when I do, I don't" is a joke based on the Dos Equis "Most Interesting Man in the World" advertisement tagline…
“I don’t always have to retype my password, but when I do, I stab each letter into the keyboard”
Many people have to retype a password. When they retype it, they often do it carefully, and stab the keyboard. "I don't always have to retype my password but when I do, I stab each letter…
“I don’t always tell dad jokes. But when I do, he laughs”
There's a difference between "telling dad" jokes and telling "dad jokes." The former is told to a father, while the latter is usually told by a father. A joke was posted on…
“I don’t always tolerate stupid people, but when I do, I’m probably at work”
"I don't always tolerate stupid people, but when I do, I'm probably at work" -- a work variation of the :Most Interesting Man in the World" meme -- is a jocular saying that…