“If time is money, then an ATM is A Time Machine”
"Time is money" is a proverb that was popularized by Benjamin Franklin (1705-1790). "ATM" stands for "automated teller machine," but there's a joke: "If time…
Food/Drink
“If tomatoes are technically a fruit, is ketchup technically a smoothie?”
Botanically, a tomato is a fruit. "If tomatoes are technically a fruit, is ketchup technically a smoothie?" is a jocular line that has been printed on posters and e-cards. "Today, I…
“If trade schools teach trades and religious schools teach religion, then what do state schools teach?”
What do state schools teach? "If trade schools teach trades, and religious schools teach religion, then what do state schools teach?" was posted on Facebook by Justin Damask on May 23,…
“If tuna is chicken of the sea, does that make chicken tuna of the land?”
Entry in progress -- BP Reddit -- StonerThoughtsPosted by u/markp_93 March 7, 2019Chicken is tuna of the land Reddit -- NoStpuiduestionsPosted by u/dab840 June 17, 2019If tuna is chicken of the…
“If two people are in love nothing is impossible, except deciding where to eat”
"If two people are in love nothing is impossible, except deciding where to eat" is a jocular one-line saying that has been printed on many images. "If two people are in love, nothing…
“If two vegans have a fight, is it still considered a beef?”
When someone has a "beef" with someone else, it means a "grudge" or a "complaint." The word "beef" does not mean "meat," but the confusion leads to…
“If two vegans have an argument, is it still called a beef? Or is it a quornfrontation?”
“If two vegans have a fight, is it still considered a beef?” is a popular joke. "Quornfrontation" (quorn + confrontation) is often added to the end of the joke. "If two vegans…
“If two wrongs don’t make a right, what do two rights make?”/“An airplane.”
A popular aviation riddle about the Wright Brothers is: Q: If two wrongs don't make a right, what do two rights make?A: An airplane. The joke has been cited in print since at least 1969.…
“If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy”
"If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy" is a popular quotation that has been credited to James Madison (1751-1836), but there is…
“If Valentine’s Day is a day for lovers, what day is special for singles?”/“Palm Sunday.”
A not-safe-for-work joke is told about Valentine's Day. "If Valentines Day is for lovers... what day is for single men... Palm Sunday" was posted on the newsgroup rec.humor on…
“If vegetables are so good, why do vegans always try to make them taste like meat?”
"If vegetables are so good, why do vegans always try to make them taste like meat?" is a saying that has been printedon several images. "If vegetables are so good, why do vegans…
“If vegetarians love animals so much, why do they eat all their food?”
"If vegetarians love animals so much, why do they eat all their food?" is a jocular saying that has been printed on several signs. The saying has been cited in print since at least 2000…
“If voting changed anything, they’d make it illegal”
Entry in progress -- B.P. [This entry was prepared with the assistance of Garson O'Toole, the Quote Investigator.] Google BooksThe Yale Book of QuotationsEdited by Fred R. ShapiroNew Haven,…
“If war and infrastructure spending helps the economy, why don’t we just bomb our own cities?”
"If war and infrastructure spending helps the economy, why don't we just bomb our own cities?" is shown on a meme, as posted on Facebook by Tung Nguyen on March 19, 2024. Authorship…
“If wars can be started by lies, then peace can be started by truth”
"If wars can be started by lies, (then) peace can be started by truth" is a saying that has been printed on many images. Julian Assange, the director of WikiLeaks, said at an anti-war…
“If we all just stay home for 2 weeks, we could flatten the gas shortage curve”
A temporary closure of the Colonial Pipeline in May 2021 caused gas shortages in the United States. Some people applied Coivd-19 (coronavirus) pandemic logic to the problem. "Maybe if everyone…
“If we all just switched to cursive and stick shift cars, we could cripple a generation”
People don't write in cursive or drive stick shift cars like they used to. "If we all just switched to cursive and stick shift cars, we could cripple an entire generation" is a…
“If we all stay inside a bit longer, then maybe we can starve mosquitos to extinction”
The 2019–20 coronavirus pandemic caused people to quarantine in their homes. Many people wondered if all the mosquitoes would starve because of the lack of humans to bite. "Mosquitos are…
“If we are to live together, we have to talk”
Former U.S. first lady Eleanor Roosevelt (1884-1962) met with Soviet leader Nikita Khrushchev (1894-1971) at her Manhattan home in October 1960. Roosevelt explained the situation (as cited in the…
“If we are what we eat, I’m fast, cheap and easy”
The food phrase "you are what you eat" is taken from a phrase by Jean Anthelme Brillat-Savarin (1755-1826): "Tell me what you eat, and I will tell you what you are." Many…