“I went to the store to buy chicken broth, but they said they were out of stock”
"Out of stock" means that a business has no more of an item. It shouldn't be confused with the "stock" that is broth (bouillon), but there are jokes. "I went to buy…
Food/Drink
“I went to the store to get 6 cans of Sprite, but ended up picking 7 Up”
Sprite (a lemon and lime-flavored soft drink) is often mistaken for 7 Up, and there's a popular joke. "@davelee Just been done for shoplifting in Tesco. Thought I'd gone to the…
“I went to the worst escape room ever. It’s called IKEA”
The IKEA furniture store can be confusing to many people, who have compared it to leaving an escape room. "Me all the time: this IKEA is the worst escape room ever." was posted on Twitter…
“I went to the zoo and saw a piece of toast in a cage. A sign read: ‘Bread in captivity’”
"Bred in captivity" is sometimes punned as "bread in captivity." A joke was posted on Twitter by "milk" on August 21, 2011: "I went to the zoo and saw a piece…
“I whispered because I didn’t want Zuckerberg to hear us. She laughed. I laughed. Siri laughed”
A joke about surveillance mentions Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg, Amazon Alexa and/or Apple's Siri. "My son asked me why I speak so softly in the house. I said I was afraid the NSA was…
“I will be back on my feet just as soon as the coffee reaches life supporting levels”
"I will be back on my feet once the coffee reaches life supporting levels" is a coffee saying that has been printed on many images. There are several slight variations. "I'll be…
“I will be back on my feet once the coffee reaches life supporting levels”
"I will be back on my feet once the coffee reaches life supporting levels" is a coffee saying that has been printed on many images. There are several slight variations. "I'll be…
“I will be mailing out W-2s on January 2nd for everyone who was in my business this year”
"Sending W-2s out to everyone who's been in my business all year" (or "I will be mailing out W-2s on January 2nd for everyone who was in my business this year") is a…
“I will bring you down to Chinatown!”
"I will bring you down to Chinatown!" is what actor Robert De Niro said to Ben Stiller in the film comedy Meet the Parents (2000). De Niro meant that he would rough Stiller up (maybe with…
“I will eat a bowl of water with a fork before I care what anyone thinks of me”
"I will eat a bowl of water with a fork before I care what anyone thinks of me" (or "I will eat a bowl of water with a fork before I give a fuck about your opinion of me") is a…
“I will never donate money to anyone collecting for a marathon. They just take the money and run”
"Take the money and run" is a common expression to describe a scammer who will run off with someone's money. "Never donate money to anyone collecting for a marathon. They just…
“I will never have a welcome mat at my house ‘cause I ain’t a liar”
Many people don't like visitors at their home. "I don't have a welcome mat at my door/ouse because I'm not a liar" is a saying that has been printed on many images. There…
“I will never understand some people’s fascination with their ancestry. Isn’t knowing your current family bad enough?”
Many people want to research their ancestry. "will never understand people's fascination with their ancestry, isn't knowing your current family bad enough" was posted on…
“I will not be seen, until I have my caffeine”
"I will not be seen, until I have my caffeine" is a coffee saying that has been printed on many images. "I will not be seen until I have my CAFFEINE" (shown on a sign) was…
“I will not eat my cold weather snacks early”
Many people prepare for an extreme weather event by buying snacks, but then there's the temptation to immediately eat them. "I WILL NOT EAT MY [HURRICANE/SNOWSTORM] SNACKS EARLY" is…
“I will not eat my hurricane snacks early”
Many people prepare for an extreme weather event by buying snacks, but then there's the temptation to immediately eat them. "I WILL NOT EAT MY [HURRICANE/SNOWSTORM] SNACKS EARLY" is…
“I will not eat my snow storm snacks early”
Many people prepare for an extreme weather event by buying snacks, but then there's the temptation to immediately eat them. "I WILL NOT EAT MY [HURRICANE/SNOWSTORM] SNACKS EARLY" is…
“I will not eat my snowpocalypse snacks early”
Many people prepare for an extreme weather event by buying snacks, but then there's the temptation to immediately eat them. "I WILL NOT EAT MY [HURRICANE/SNOWSTORM] SNACKS EARLY" is…
“I will not eat my snowstorm snacks early”
Many people prepare for an extreme weather event by buying snacks, but then there's the temptation to immediately eat them. "I WILL NOT EAT MY [HURRICANE/SNOWSTORM] SNACKS EARLY" is…
“I will not eat my winter snacks early”
Many people prepare for an extreme weather event by buying snacks, but then there's the temptation to immediately eat them. "I WILL NOT EAT MY [HURRICANE/SNOWSTORM] SNACKS EARLY" is…