“If number two pencils are so popular, why are they still number two?”
No. 2 pencils are often required on standardized tests. The name "No. 2" refers to the graphite grading scale. A popular joke has been cited in print since at least 1998: "If a…
Food/Drink
“If one door closes and another door opens, you’re probably in prison”
"When one door closes, another opens" is an old proverb about opportunity. A joke variation is: "If one door closes and another door opens, you’re probably in prison."…
“If one door closes and another one opens, your house is probably haunted”
"When one door shuts, another opens" is an old proverb about opportunity. "If one door closes and another one opens, your house is probably haunted" is a jocular variation that…
“If one teacher can’t teach every subject, why does one student have to learn them all?”
"If one teacher can't teach every subject, why does one student have to learn them all?" is an education question that has been printed on an image. "If one Teacher can’t…
“If only closed minds came with closed mouths”
"If only closed minds came with closed mouths" is a saying that has been printed on many images. "IF ONLY CLOSED MINDS CAME WITH CLOSED MOUTHS," credited to Nicole Aitoro of New…
“If only vegetables smelt as good as bacon”
American syndicated newspaper columnist Doug Larson (1926-2017) wrote in the Green Bay (WI) Press-Gazette on July 16, 1989: "Life expectancy would grow by leaps and bounds if green vegetables…
“If opportunity doesn’t knock, build a door”
"Opportunity knocks but once" is a proverb that dates, in various forms, to the 1500s. "If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door" is a jocular take on the old proverb…
“If oranges could talk, what language would they speak?”/“Mandarin.”
A mandarin orange doesn't speak Mandarin, but there are jokes. "In a Rosetta Stone commercial, a lady claims to know Mandarin. I had no idea oranges could speak! And with such zest.…
“If overthinking situations burned calories, I’d be dead”
"If overthinking situations burned calories, I'd be dead" is a saying that has been printed on many images. "If overthinking burned calories then I'd be stick thin"…
“If past history is all there was to the game, the richest people would be librarians”
"If past history is all there was to the game, the richest people would be librarians" is one of the sayings of American investor Warren Buffett. It's another way of stating the…
“If Patrick Henry thought taxation without representation was bad…”
"Taxation without representation is tyranny" was a slogan of the American Revolution. A modern version of the saying is: "If Patrick Henry thought taxation without representation was…
“If paying a cashier a living wage will make prices go up, why doesn’t replacing cashiers with Self Checkouts make prices go down?”
"If paying a cashier a living wage will make prices go up, why doesn't replacing cashiers with Self Checkouts make prices go down?" is a saying that has been printed on many images.…
“If peanut butter cookies are made from peanut butter, what are Girl Scout cookies made out of?”
"If peanut butter cookies are made from peanut butter, then what are Girl Scout cookies made out of?" is a joke that has been included in many collections of one-line saying. "If…
“If people are talking about you behind your back, then just fart”
"If people are talking about you behind your back, then just fart" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "Don't get angry when people are talking behind your…
“If people are trying to bring you down, it only means that you are above them”
"If people are trying to bring you down, it only means that you are above them" is saying that has been printed on many posters. "There will always be someone trying to bring you…
“If people aren’t laughing at your dreams, your dreams aren’t big enough”
"If people aren't laughing at your dreams, your dreams aren't big enough" is a saying that has been printed on many images. "If people aren't laughing at your dreams,…
“If people can’t be trusted to govern themselves, how can they be trusted to govern others?”
"Sometimes it is said that man cannot be trusted with the government of himself. Can he then be trusted with the government of others?" was said by Thomas Jefferson (1743-1826) at his…
“If people cannot be trusted to govern themselves, how can they be trusted to govern other people?”
"Sometimes it is said that man cannot be trusted with the government of himself. Can he then be trusted with the government of others?" was said by Thomas Jefferson (1743-1826) at his…
“If people concentrated on the really important things, there’d be a shortage of fishing poles”
"If people concentrated on the really important things in life, there'd be a shortage of fishing poles" is a jocular fishing saying that has been printed on many images. American…
“If people could hear the next five seconds after we hit ‘end call,’ we would have no friends”
"If people could hear the next five seconds after we hit 'end call,' we would have no friends" is a jocular phone saying that has been printed on many images. "If people…