“If a play is working, keep running it” (sports adage)
"If a play is working, keep running it" is a sports adage used in football, but also in other sports such as basketball. If a football team can't stop the run, for example, then the…
Food/Drink
“If a politician says you don’t need a gun, you need a gun”
"If a politician says you don’t need a gun, you need a gun" is a political saying that has been printed on many images. "If a politician says 'You don't need a…
“If a psychologist became a hip hop artist, does it make the music ‘shrink rap’?”
People in the psychology industry have long been nicknamed "shrinks." This has nothing to do with "shrink wrap," but there are many puns. "Psychologists convention: shrink…
“If a Shaolin monk had acne, would he have Chi zits?”
Cheez-It (a cheese cracker) shouldn't be confuse with "chi zit," but there are jokes. "Cheez-Its are better than Chi Zits. #truth #fact #stuff" was posted on Twitter by…
“If a single teacher can’t teach all the subjects, how can a single student learn them all?”
"If a single teacher can't teach us all the subjects, then how can you expect a single student to learn all the subjects?" is a jocular school saying that has been printed on many…
“If a supervisor at work gets the covid, do the people who kiss that ass need to be tested?”
The 2019–20 coronavirus pandemic affected workplaces -- even butt-kissers. "If a supervisor at work gets COVID, do the people who kiss that ass need to be tested? Asking for a friend"…
“If a sushi restaurant is giving you a discount, don’t take it. You’re getting a raw deal”
The expression "raw deal" doesn't usually involve raw seafood, but there are jokes. "There's an 'eat as much as you like for £4' special at my local sushi…
“If a tomato is a fruit, then ketchup is a jam”
Botanically, a tomato is a fruit. "If a tomato is a fruit, then ketchup is a jam" and "If a tomato is a fruit, then tomato sauce is a jam" and "If a tomato is a fruit, then…
“If a tomato is a fruit, then pizza sauce is a jam”
Botanically, a tomato is a fruit. "If a tomato is a fruit, then ketchup is a jam" and "If a tomato is a fruit, then tomato sauce is a jam" and "If a tomato is a fruit, then…
“If a tomato is a fruit, then tomato sauce is a jam”
Botanically, a tomato is a fruit. "If a tomato is a fruit, then ketchup is a jam" and "If a tomato is a fruit, then tomato sauce is a jam" and "If a tomato is a fruit, then…
“If a train station is where a train stops, then what’s a workstation?” (joke)
"A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station." This joke (a work station is where work stops?) has been cited in print…
“If a tree falls in the forest and nobody hears, my illegal logging business is a success”
"If a tree falls in a forest and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound?" is a classic question. "If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to hear it, then my…
“If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?”
"If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?" This play on words has been used since at least 1915, when the joke appeared in the Philadelphia (PA) Public Ledger. A…
“If a woman puts me in the friend zone, I immediately borrow money from her”
Do true friend let you borrow money and never pay it back. Jay posted this joke on Twitter on September 27, 2013: "When a woman puts me in the friend zone the first thing I do is borrow money…
“If abortion is murder, then are condoms kidnapping?”
"If abortion is murder, then are condoms kidnapping?" is a one-line saying that has been printed on many images. "If abortion is murder then condoms are weapons of mass…
“If absolute power corrupts absolutely, does absolute powerlessness make you pure?”
Entry in progress -- B.P. Wikipedia: Harry ShearerHarry Julius Shearer (born December 23, 1943) is an American actor, comedian, writer, voice actor, musician, author, radio host, director and…
“If actors are having fun, the audience will have fun, too” (theatre adage)
"If actors are having fun, the audience will have fun, too" is a theatre and film adage of uncertain origin. "The actors are having fun playing their parts and because of their…
“If advertisers were smart, they’d make a silent, slow-motion commercial”
Many people tape programs and fast forward through the advertisements. James Breakwell wrote on Twitter on March 20, 2013: "If advertisers were smart, they’d make a silent, slow-motion…
“If alcohol can damage your short term memory, just think what alcohol can do”
"If alcohol can damage your short term memory, just think what alcohol can do" -- "alcohol" is repeated because the speaker has had too much to drink -- is a jocular saying.…
“If alcohol is a crutch, Jack Daniel’s is a wheelchair”
"If alcohol is a crutch, Jack Daniel's is a wheelchair" was said by American actor and comedian Robin Williams at least by August 1990, when the joke was recorded in a newspaper. The…