“I sure hope I get an ‘A’ on my daughter’s science fair project”
Many parents do most of the work on a child's science fair project. "I hope I get an A on my daughter's science fair project" was posted on Twitter by Andie Johnson on January…
Food/Drink
“I survived a fall without a parachute. I’ve also survived a winter, spring and summer without one, too”
"Fall" can be a season, and it can also mean a drop. This pun was posted on X/Twitter by Funny Dad Jokes on April 6, 2026: "I survived a fall without a parachute... I've also…
“I survived a Monday, and for what? Tuesday? Disgusting”
"I survived a Tuesday, and for what? Wednesday? Disgusting" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. Both Tuesday and Wednesday are usually work days. "i survived a…
“I survived a Monday, and for what? Tuesday? When does it end?”
"I survived a Tuesday, and for what? Wednesday? Disgusting" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. Both Tuesday and Wednesday are usually work days. "i survived a…
“I survived a Tuesday, and for what? Wednesday? Disgusting”
"I survived a Tuesday, and for what? Wednesday? Disgusting" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. Both Tuesday and Wednesday are usually work days. "i survived a…
“I survived a Tuesday, and for what? Wednesday? When does it end?”
"I survived a Tuesday, and for what? Wednesday? Disgusting" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. Both Tuesday and Wednesday are usually work days. "i survived a…
“I survived a Wednesday, and for what? Thursday? Disgusting”
"I survived a Tuesday, and for what? Wednesday? Disgusting" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. Both Tuesday and Wednesday are usually work days. "i survived a…
“I survived a Wednesday, and for what? Thursday? When does it end?”
"I survived a Tuesday, and for what? Wednesday? Disgusting" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. Both Tuesday and Wednesday are usually work days. "i survived a…
“I survived the NYC earthquake” (April 5, 2024)
New York City doesn't have earthquakes often. On April 25, 2024, at 10:23 AM, a magnitude 4.8 earthquake struck New Jersey and was felt in New York City. Almost immediately, "I survived…
“I suspect there will never be an edible version of Scrabble. But if there is, I’ll eat my words”
The expression "eat my words" is usually not taken literally, but there are Scrabble jokes. "I don't think there will ever be an edible version of Scrabble. Having said that,…
“I swallowed a dictionary. It gave me thesaurus throat I’ve ever had”
"Thesaurus" sometimes sounds like "the sorest." "My mom just said when she had strep she had thesaurus throat shes ever had" was posted on Twitter by Jake DeLoera on…
“I swallowed an abacus because it’s what’s inside that counts”
A pun about an abacus (a calculating tool) was posted on Twitter on February 22, 2010: "People think I'm weird because I swallowed an abacus. It's what's inside that…
“I swear every time I turn around, I’m paying a bill. I’m just going to stop turning around”
"I swear every time I turn around, I'm paying a bill. I'm just going to stop turning around" is a saying that has been printeda on several images. “@_Fatalatraction: seem like…
“I swear it was Friday like 2 seconds ago”
"I swear it was Friday like 5 minutes ago" is a jocular saying (showing how fast the weekend passes by) that has been printed on many images. "Its moday ....damn already it was…
“I swear it was Friday like 5 minutes ago”
"I swear it was Friday like 5 minutes ago" is a jocular saying (showing how fast the weekend passes by) that has been printed on many images. "Its moday ....damn already it was…
“I swear to drunk I’m not God” (joke)
“Ossifer, I swear to drunk I’m not God” is how a drunk might say, "Officer, I swear to God I'm not drunk." The jocular speech pattern has been cited in print since at least…
“I swim because I’m too sexy for a sport that requires clothes”
"I swim because I'm too sexy for a sport that requires clothes" (or "We swim because we are too sexy for a sport that requires clothes") is a swimming saying that has been…
“I swim to look good naked”
"I swim to look good naked" is a saying about swimming that has been printed on many images. "I don’t swim to be healthy, I swim to look good as fuck naked.." was posted on…
“I switched to a wine that doesn’t make me urinate. Pinot Moor”
Pinot Noir is a a red-wine grape variety. There is no "Pinot Moir"/"Pinot Moor"/"Pinot More" (pee no more), but there are jokes. "A California vintner in the Napa…
“I take my coffee with two scoops of it’s too early for this shit and a splash of zip it until noon”
"I take my coffee with two scoops of it's too early for this shit and a splash of zip it until noon" is a coffee saying that has been printed on many images. "I take my coffee…