“If a tree falls in the forest and nobody hears, my illegal logging business is a success”

“If a tree falls in a forest and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound?” is a classic question. “If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to hear it, then my illegal logging business is a success” is a jocular version.
   
American television comedian Stephen Colbert said on Comedy Central’s The Colbert Report on May 11, 2009:
   
“If a tree falls in the forest and no one is there to hear it, my illegal logging business succeeds.”
   
     
Wikipedia: If a tree falls in a forest
“If a tree falls in a forest and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound?” is a philosophical thought experiment that raises questions regarding observation and perception.
     
Wikiquote: The Colbert Report
The Colbert Report (October 17, 2005 - December 18, 2014) is an American comedy television program starring political humorist Stephen Colbert, formerly of The Daily Show. The show satirizes personality-driven political pundit programs, particularly Fox News’ The O’Reilly Factor. It was created by Colbert, and Jon Stewart and Ben Karlin of The Daily Show.
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Season 5 (2009)
Stephen: (05-11-2009) If a tree falls in the forest and no one is there to hear it, my illegal logging business succeeds. This Is the Colbert Report!
     
Twitter
Quintin LaFoe‏
@QUINTtastic
If a tree falls in the forest and there is no one there to hear it…
My illegal logging business succeeds.
10:32 PM - 11 May 2009
 
Twitter
Scott Stewart‏
@ScottStewart84
“if a tree falls in the forest and nobody hears it, then my illegal logging company succeeds!”
10:32 PM - 11 May 2009
 
Twitter
StanfordSteph‏
@StanfordSteph
“If a tree falls in the forest, and no one’s there to hear it, my illegal logging business succeeds.” Stephen Colbert #thecolbertreport
10:33 PM - 11 May 2009
   
Twitter
FedGod‏
@B_Fed
If a tree falls in the forest and noone hears it, then my illegal logging company is paying off!
1:30 AM - 12 May 2009
 
Twitter
Rahul Pathak‏
@rahulpathak
lol: “if a tree falls in the woods and no one hears it…then my illegal logging business is succeeding.” - stephen colbert.
1:38 AM - 12 May 2009
 
Twitter
Cocoanetics ‏
@Cocoanetics
If a tree falls in the forest and nobody hears it ... my illegal logging business succeeds. *gg* <- watching latest Colbert Report.

5:58 PM - 12 May 2009
 
Twitter
Shit Jokes‏
@ShitJokes
If a tree falls in the forest and nobody hears it…
Then my illegal logging business is a success!
4:20 AM - 15 Aug 2016
 
Reddit—Jokes
If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to hear it…
submitted August 14, 2017 by ChrisTaliaferro
...then my illegal logging business is a success.
 
Irish Examiner
14 of the best jokes on the internet that aren’t disastrously offensive
Friday, September 01, 2017 - 04:14 pm
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11. If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to hear it…
…then my illegal logging business is a success – ChrisTaliaferro
 
Reddit—Oneliners
If a tree falls in the forest and nobody hears, my illegal logging business is a success. (self.oneliners)
submitted September 7, 2017 by ItsNotLongNow