“I had a thought, but unfortunately I had a second thought…” (joke)
"I had a thought, but unfortunately I had a second thought. They ricocheted off each other and I can't find either anymore" (or "I had a thought, but unfortunately I had another…
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“I had a thought, but unfortunately I had another thought…” (joke)
"I had a thought, but unfortunately I had a second thought. They ricocheted off each other and I can't find either anymore" (or "I had a thought, but unfortunately I had another…
“I had cheese, but no crackers. I was cracka-lackin’”
"Crackalackin'" is defined in a 2004 entry in the Urban Dictionary: "It's an upbeat way of asking someone how they are doing, and may cause one to crack a smile in…
“I had cheese, but no crackers. I was cracka-lacking”
"Crackalackin'" is defined in a 2004 entry in the Urban Dictionary: "It's an upbeat way of asking someone how they are doing, and may cause one to crack a smile in…
“I had donkey meat for the first time. It tasted like ass”
The Urban Dictionary defined "taste like ass" as "when something tastes bad" on March 19, 2003. "'I ate donkey for lunch. It tasted like Ass.' -…
“I had heard so much raving about ‘The Big Apple,’ as it was called” (Malcolm X, 1964)
African-American Muslim minister and human rights activist Malcolm X (1925-1965) was assassinated in Harlem's Audubon Ballroom on February 21, 1965. In 1987. New York Mayor Ed Koch re-named…
“I had my parking validated—which was nice because I’d been practicing for so long”
"Parking validation" usually refers to the parking slip that one gets when on entering a car park. A person can patronize a local business (such as going to a conference at hotel) and get…
“I had my patience tested. I’m negative”
"I had my patience tested. I'm negative" -- that is, the speaker has no patience -- is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. The saying was posted on Twitter by Dumb…
“I had no idea what ghee was until someone clarified it for me”
Ghee is a class of clarified butter that originated in India. "He didn't understand what ghee is, but someone clarified it for him" was posted on Twitter by Ian Froeb on May 18,…
“I had the rudest, slowest, nastiest cashier today. It’s my own fault for using the self checkout”
People sometimes get rude cashiers at stores. This was posted on Facebook by Jim Shaver on December 3, 2020: "I had the rudest, slowest, nastiest cashier today. I guess it's my own fault…
“I had to fire our fruit delivery guy this morning. He was driving me bananas”
"Driving me bananas" usually means "driving me crazy," but some jokes involve literal driving of bananas. "First day running my family fruit and veg delivery service and my…
“I had to fly across the country for my vaccine, and, wow, are my arms sore”
“I just flew in and boy, are my arms tired!” is a very old joke (1940s). The arms are tired from flapping so much (like a bird's wings). A variation of the joke was posted on Reddit--…
“I had to give up my vegetarian diet. Turns out they’re a lot harder to catch than cows”
There's a difference between "eating vegetarian" and "eating a vegetarian." A joke was posted on the newsgroup alt.humor.puns on January 31, 2003, taken from the comic…
“I had to prove I was a citizen of New York, so I stabbed him” (joke)
New York City has a reputation as a violent place (or at least it had that reputation in the 1970s and 1980s). The comedian Emo Phillips told this joke on his album, E=MO² (1985): "New…
“I had to throw out all of my Danish currency. I didn’t wanna catch the Kronervirus”
The 2019–20 coronavirus pandemic has nothing to do with the Danish krone, Icelandic króna, Norwegian krone or Swedish krona, but there are jokes. "Maybe it was Norwegian #KronaVirus"…
“I had to use a store discount card to scrape the ice from the car windscreen, but only got 10% off”
Many people use a credit/discount card to scrape off ice from a car windshield. "RT @Noot54: Damn cold this morning! Had to use store discount card to scrape the ice from the car windscreen,…
“I had to walk to school uphill, both ways! – M.C. Escher”
“I used to walk five miles to and from school, uphill both ways” is a joke on what some parents tell children. However, sometimes the speaker is stated to be Dutch graphic artist M. C. Escher…
“I Happen To Like New York” (1930)
"I Happen To Like New York" was written by Cole Porter for his show The New Yorkers. Cole Porter is one of the greatest lyricists of all time, but this song usually does not rank among…
“I hate anti-maskers. They make me sick”
The 2019–20 coronavirus pandemic resulted in many requirements to wear face masks. "I hate anti-maskers, they make me sick" -- with the literal pun intended -- was posted on Twitter by…
“I hate chewing gum underneath school tables. I wish I was comfortable enough to do it in public”
Many people put gum underneath school tables -- to the disgust of others who find it. A joke was posted on Reddit -- Jokes on August 25, 2017: "I hate chewing gum underneath school tables. I…