I.O.U.S.A. (IOU + USA)
"I.O.U.S.A." (IOU + USA) was printed in an income tax poem by an anonymous author that appeared in several newspapers since 1952: "Income tax is almost due,And this makes me,…
Archive for /P26860
“My main problem is reconciling my gross habits with my net income”
Australian-born actor Errol Flynn (1909-1959) was one of Hollywood's highest-paid stars in the 1940s; in the 1950s, however, he faced financial disaster. A Flynn quote was published in many…
“What is the definition of Death?”/“When you stop paying taxes suddenly.”
"Death and taxes" are often said to be the only certainties in life. There's a joke: Q: What is the definition of Death?A: When you stop paying taxes suddenly. The joke has been…
“What do you call an empty jar of Cheez Whiz?”/“Cheese was.”
Cheez Whiz (often misspelled as Cheese Whiz or Cheese Wiz) is a processed cheese sauce and the subject of a popular food pun: Q: What do you call an empty jar of Cheez Whiz?A: Cheese was.…
The Mighty Wurlitzer (CIA “playing” the media)
Frank Wisner (1909-1965) the Central Intelligence Agency's deputy director, was responsible for Operation Mockingbird in the 1950s to spread propaganda through the media. He boasted that the…
“Lie like a rug” (to always lie)
A rug lies on the floor. Someone who "lies like a rug" is someone who always lies (or prevaricates). The saying is frequently applied to politicians who don't tell the truth.…
“I am terrified of elevators. I’m going to start taking steps to avoid them”
"I am terrified of elevators. I'm going to start taking steps to avoid them" is an elevator pun that has been printed on many images. "In fact, I'm so opposed to space…
“My friend used my to-do list to roll a blunt. He’s high on my list of priorities”
Managers often make to-do lists. A joke was posted on Twitter on April 9, 2016: "My friend just used my to-do list to roll a joint... He's high on my list of priorities." "My…
“My wife told me to take a spider out instead of killing it” (joke)
Some people find spiders in their homes, but don't like to kill the spiders -- preferring to grab a spider and let it go free outside the house. A joke has been printed on many images:…
“What do you call a Chinese crab?”/“A crust-asian.”
The word "crustacean" has been the subject of a pun: Q: What do you call a Chinese crab?A: A crust-asian. "What do u call a chinese crab? A crustasian" was posted on Twitter on…
“Music with dinner is an insult both to the cook and violinist”
New York (NY) Times food journalist Craig Claiborne (1920-2000) wrote on November 16, 1967: "The Adrian Zorgniottis agree with G. K. Chesterton, who told a friend, 'Music with dinner is…
“Never put Nutella on salmon or you’ll get Salmonella”
"Never put Nutella on salmon or you'll get Salmonella" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. The joke Nutella recipe for "Salmonella" was printed on the…
“Wisdom is knowing what to do next, skill is knowing how to do it, and virtue is doing it”
"Wisdom is knowing what to do next, skill is knowing how to do it, and virtue is doing it" is a quotation from Stanford University President David Starr Jordan (1851-1931) that has been…
“I don’t need to ‘get a life.’ I’m a gamer. I have LOTS of lives”
"I don't need to 'get a life.' I'm a gamer. I have lots of lives" is a jocular one-line saying that has been printed on many images. "Get a life!" is a line…
“How do you get a grandmother to swear?”/“Have another say ‘Bingo!’”
A popular bingo joke is: Q: How do you get a grandmother to swear?A: Have another grandmother say "Bingo!" The joke has been cited in print since at least 1992. Google Groups:…
“Those who do not have goals are doomed forever to work for those who do”
Entry in progress -- B.P. Wikiquote: Brian TracyBrian Tracy (born 5 January 1944) is a motivational speaker and author. Google BooksMaximum Achievement: Strategies and Skills That Will Unlock Your…
“Put your diploma on the windshield so you can park in a handicap spot”
"Put your diploma on the windshield so you can park in a handicap spot" is a joke that has been said to deride many institutions of learning. "Why do (Texas A&M -- ed.) Aggies…
“... And all I got was this lousy T-shirt”
People often return home from vacation destinations with souvenir T-shirts. "My parents went to Florida and all I got was this lousy T-shirt" is a typical jocular saying. "Mom and…
“Dr. Frankenstein entered a bodybuilding competition” (joke)
Dr. Frankenstein is a character in Mary Shelley's novel Frankenstein; or, The Modern Prometheus (1823) who creates a monster. This "body building" is different from…
“A woman and a duck walk into a bar…” (bar joke)
"A guy walks into a bar..." is a typical form of what has been called the "bar joke." One duck version is: "A woman and a duck walk into a bar. The bartender says,…