“Coffee is my emotional support beverage”
"You call it coffee. I call it my emotional support beverage" is a coffee saying that has been printed on several images. "I sneak my coffee into public places by claiming it as an…
Archive for 02/2020
“Safety first. Just kidding, coffee first. Safety’s like third or fourth”
"Safety first" is a famous proverb. "Safety first. Just kidding, coffee first. Safety's like third or fourth" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images.…
“I’ve worn this for 20 years and it still fits.”/“It’s a scarf.”
Someone is in good shape when an old piece of clothing still fits, right? This joke was posted on Twitter by Sickipedia_Feed on October 4, 2011 (originally on the Sickipedia website) and has been…
“I consider page 2 of Google results the dark web”
What is the dark web? It's a mysterious part of the web that is not indexed. However, to many, the dark web is Google search page two (where they never go). "I suspect 'the dark…
“There’s banana juice, but bananas don’t have juice”
Bananas do not have juice, so how is there banana juice? Bananas are usually blended with other ingredients, such as grapefruit or milk. "Do banana's really have juice? I mean, I'm…
“Pre-school rules and bar rules are the same. You piss your pants, you go home”
"Preschool rules and bar rules are the same. You pee your pants, you go home" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "Nursery school rules and bar rules are the…
“Preschool rules and bar rules are the same. You pee your pants, you go home”
"Preschool rules and bar rules are the same. You pee your pants, you go home" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "Nursery school rules and bar rules are the…
“Just found out there’s no popcorn in popcorn shrimp. Guess there’s no reason to try pot roast”
"Found out there's no popcorn in popcorn shrimp. Guess there's no use in trying the pot roast..." is a jocular saying that was posted on Twitter by "good luck chuck"…
“My favorite part about having a job is assuming you’re fired every time your boss calls…”
A call from the boss can put fear into an employee. "My favorite part about having a job is assuming you’re fired every time your boss calls you into their office" was posted on Twitter…
“Coughs and sneezes spread diseases”
"Coughs and sneezes spread diseases" is a frequent public health campaign saying that has been printed on many images. "A Careless Sneeze Will Spread Disease. Use a Handkerchief If…
“I wish for a world without lawyers” (joke)
A lawyer joke has been printed on several images: Genie: I shall grant you 3 wishes.Me: I wish for a world without lawyersGenie: Done, you have no more wishes.Me: But you said 3.Genie: Sue me. The…
“Just remember who will always be there for you. DISHES. They will literally always be there”
"When life gets you down and you feel like you can’t go on, just remember who will always be there for you. DISHES. They will literally always be there" is a jocular saying that has…
“One time my kid’s elementary school went 6 days in a row without a fundraiser”
Schools often hold many, many fundraisers. This joke was posted on Twitter by Simon Holland on February 7, 2020: "One time my kid’s elementary school went 6 days in a row without a…
“Adam and Eve: The first people to not read the Apple terms and conditions”
"Adam and Eve: The first people to not read the Apple terms and conditions" is an Apple Inc. joke that has been printed on many images. "Adam and Eve were the first people to agree…
“I got so drunk last night I walked across the dance floor to get a drink & won a dance contest”
"I got so drunk last night, I walked across the dance floor to get another drink and won the dance contest" is a jocular saying that as been printed on many images. "Last night I was…
“I made some jerk chicken today. He didn’t even say ‘thank you’!”
A jerk chicken joke was posted on Twitter by T Morris (and others) on June 23, 2011: "I made some jerk chicken today. He didn't even say, 'thank you,' the tosser." Similar…
“What part of ‘I don’t want to spend anymore money’ don’t I understand?”
"What part of 'I don’t want to spend anymore money' don’t I understand?" -- "I understand," not "you understand" -- is a jocular saying about spending…
“Would the makers of a movie about a flat earth accept a Golden Globe award?”
"Would the makers of a movie about flat earth accept a Golden Globe?" is a joke that was posted on Twitter by Zach Stewart on January 8, 2019. "Would the makers of a movie about a…
“Keep your friends close and your coffee closer”
"Keep your friends close and/but your coffee closer" is a saying that has been printed on many images. "Keep your friends close, but your enemies closer" is a famous saying from…
“Just got the perfect tool for making a good Indian flat bread. It’s a naan stick pan”
"Naan" (a flatbread) is the subject of several puns, such as the "naan-stick pan." "My leavened flatbread keeps falling out of the oven. Guess I should've bought a…