“A stoner, a Jedi and a surgeon walk into a bar…” (bar joke)
"A guy walks into a bar..." is a typical form of what has been called the "bar joke." A version was posted on Reddit -- Jokes on November 16, 2019: "OK so a stoner, a Jedi,…
Archive for 02/2020
“My wife volunteers as a school crossing guard. I tell everyone she’s into human trafficking”
A school crossing guard protects children from traffic. The crossing guard is not involved in "human trafficking," but there are jokes. "Just found out what 'human…
“If I had some ham, I could make a ham sandwich—if I had some bread”
"If we had some ham, we could have ham and eggs -- if we had some eggs" (or "If I had some bread, I could make a ham sandwich -- if I had some ham") is a jocular saying from a…
“My superiority complex is better than yours”
"My superiority complex is better than yours!" is a jocular saying that was posted on the newsgroup comp.sys.apple2.comm on March 20, 1994. The speaker feels superior to others in every…
“At the stroke of midnight, Neil wept softly, cradling the sour cream as it expired”
Food doesn't suddenly go bad at the exact second of the printed expiration date, but there are jokes. This was posted on Twitter by blake on June 1, 2012: "At the stroke of midnight, Neil…
“If I had some ham, I could have ham and eggs—if I had some eggs”
"If I/we had some ham, I/we could have ham and eggs -- if I/we had some eggs" (or "If I had some bread, I could make a ham sandwich -- if I had some ham") is a jocular saying…
“May the wind at your back not be the result of the corned beef and cabbage you had for lunch”
“May the wind always be at your back” is a traditional Irish blessing. "May the wind at your back not be the result of the corned beef and cabbage you had for lunch" is a jocular…
“How do you ask out a D&D player?”/“Ask them for a D8.”
A Dungeons & Dragons riddle is: Q: How do you ask out a D&D player?A: Ask them for a D8 (date). The joke has been cited in print since at least 2016 and has been printed on several images.…
“Remember last year on St. Patrick’s Day? Yeah, me neither”
"Remember last year on St. Patrick's Day? Yeah, me neither" -- that is, people get too drunk on St. Patrick's Day to remember it -- is a jocular drinking saying that has been…
“May your blessings outnumber the shamrocks that grow, and may trouble avoid you wherever you go”
"May your blessings outnumber the shamrocks that grow, and may trouble avoid you wherever you go" is an Irish blessing that has been printed on many images. Authorship is unknown.…
“If I had some bread, I could make a ham sandwich—if I had some ham”
"If we had some ham, we could have ham and eggs -- if we had some eggs" (or "If I had some bread, I could make a ham sandwich -- if I had some ham") is a jocular saying from a…
“Why did Karen press Ctrl+Alt+Del?”/“She wanted to see the task manager.”
People often want to see a manager, but a "task manager" is not a person. A riddle was posted on Reddit -- Jokes on December 25, 2019: Q: Why did Karen press Ctrl+Alt+Del?A: She wanted to…
“If we had some ham, we could have ham and eggs—if we had some eggs”
"If we had some ham, we could have ham and eggs -- if we had some eggs" (or "If I had some bread, I could make a ham sandwich -- if I had some ham") is a jocular saying from a…
“Mathematics is the source code of the universe”
Math is important for understanding many things. "The amazing language of the Multiverse is comprised of 1 - infinity. Math is the source code" was posted on Twitter by MKCULTRA on August…
“Math is the source code of the universe. Physics is the anti-cheat of the universe”
Math is important for understanding many things. "The amazing language of the Multiverse is comprised of 1 - infinity. Math is the source code" was posted on Twitter by MKCULTRA on August…
“Truth sounds like hate to those who hate the truth”
"Truth sounds like hate to those who hate (the) truth" is a saying that has been printed on many images. Authorship is unknown. "Overheard: To those who hate the truth, the truth…
“Truth sounds like hate to those who hate truth”
"Truth sounds like hate to those who hate (the) truth" is a saying that has been printed on many images. Authorship is unknown. "Overheard: To those who hate the truth, the truth…
“Your credit card pays for things with future hours of your life”
"When you pay for things with a credit card, you’re paying with your future earnings. When you pay with a debit card, you’re paying with your past earnings" is an explanation of…
“Your debit card pays for things with past hours of your life”
"When you pay for things with a credit card, you’re paying with your future earnings. When you pay with a debit card, you’re paying with your past earnings" is an explanation of…
“When you pay with a debit card, you’re paying with your past earnings”
"When you pay for things with a credit card, you’re paying with your future earnings. When you pay with a debit card, you’re paying with your past earnings" is an explanation of…