Shellebration (shell + celebration)
A "shellebration" (shell + celebration) is a seafood festival. "A clambake (shellebration)" was cited in print in 1959. "Eating our seafood is a shell-ebration" was a…
Archive for 09/2017
“I’m a magician who steals candy bars. You could say I have a few Twix up my sleeve”
The Twix chocolate bar has had a few puns, such as a magician having Twix (tricks) up his sleeve. "One laugh on all of NBC's Thursday night shows: Twix up my sleeve. Ruined by being in…
“A man walks into a bar and sees a fat girl dancing on a table…” (bar joke)
According to one popular bar joke, a man enters a bar and sees a fat girl dancing on a table. "Nice legs!" he says. "Do you really think so?" she asks him. "Definitely.…
“What do you call a snake who makes a living building passenger airplanes?”/“A Boeing constructor.”
A pun on the name "Boeing" is: Q: What do you call a snake who makes a living building passenger airplanes?A: A Boeing constructor. The riddle was posted on Reddit -- Jokes on September…
“Parenting with fruit snacks: little bags of shut the hell up”
"Parenting with fruit snacks: little bags of shut the hell up" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "Fruit snacks are a big part of my parenting strategy. Little…
“What’s the longest piece of furniture in the school?”/“The multiplication table.”
A school riddle is: Q: What's the longest piece of furniture in the school?A: The multiplication table. The joke has been cited in print since at least 1957. Google BooksThe Year-Round Party…
“My houseplants probably wouldn’t die so fast if they could scream for food and water like my kids”
"My houseplants probably wouldn't die so fast if they could scream for food and water like my kids do" is a jocular line that has been printed on several images. The saying probably…
“Why shouldn’t you tell secrets when a clock is around?”/“Because time will tell.”
A clock riddle is: Q: Why shouldn't you tell secrets when a clock is around? A: Because time will tell. The joke has been cited in print since at least 1976. Google BooksBiggest Riddle Book in…
“What happened when the dog went to the flea circus?”/“It stole the show!”
A joke about a flea circus is: Q: What happened when the dog went to the flea circus?A: It stole the show! The joke has been cited in print since at least 1935, when it was credited to New York…
“I saw a documentary on how ships are kept together. It was riveting”
"I saw a documentary on how ships are kept together. It was riveting" is a joke that has been printed on several images. "I watched a documentary last night that explained how they…
“In America, dogs are k-9s. But in China, dogs are e-10”
A dog joke was posted on Reddit -- Jokes on September 7, 2017: "In America, dogs are k-9s. But in China, dogs are e-10." The "E10"/"eaten" pun quickly became popular.…
“If a tree falls in the forest and nobody hears, my illegal logging business is a success”
"If a tree falls in a forest and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound?" is a classic question. "If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to hear it, then my…
“Why did the bank robber take a bath?”/“So he could make a clean getaway.”
A robbery riddle is: Q: Why did the bank robber take a bath?A: So he could make a clean getaway. "A Boston robber who shaved and dressed up to loot a residence must have wanted to make a clean…
“The only abs I have are abnormalities”
"THe only abs I have are abnormalities" is a jocular one-line saying that has been printed on several images. The saying was posted on Twitter on March 19, 2014. TwitterKendall…
“Safe driving is no accident”
Entry in progress. -- B.P. Reddit -- OnelinersSafe driving is no accident (self.oneliners)submitted September 7, 2017 by YourInnerIdiot
“Why did the clown cross the road?”/“To find his rubber chicken.”
"Why did the chicken cross the road?"/"To get to the other side" is a classic riddle from the 19th century. A clown version is: Q: Why did the clown cross the road?A: To find…
“Why have abs when you can have kebabs?”
"Why have abs when you can have kebabs" is a jocular one-line saying that has been printed on many images. The saying was posted on Twitter on January 15, 2010. TwitterCheyne Abdullah…
“Can I think of any red wine puns? You bet Shiraz I can”
Shiraz wine is often mentioned in the pun "You bet Shiraz!" ("You bet your ass!") that has been cited in print since at least the 1990s. The pun has been printed on many images.…
“Banks are cloud storage for your money”
"My 10-Guy moment: 'Banks are like cloud storage for your money… Whoa'" was posted on Twitter on November 12, 2013. "Banks are like cloud storage for money ... except…
“Making fun of a fat person at the gym is like making fun of a homeless person at a job fair”
"Making fun of a fat person at the gym is like making fun of a homeless person at a job fair" is a saying that has been printed on many images. The saying was posted on Reddit -- Shower…