“Glutton — A person who takes the piece of French pastry you wanted”
A jocular definition of a "glutton" appeared (uncredited) in a 1947 newspaper: "A glutton is a person who takes the piece of layer cake you wanted." "GLUTTON: Someone who…
Archive for 02/2016
“The trees taunt you; the sand mocks you; the water calls your name” (golf saying)
A popular golf saying is: "The trees taunt you; the sand mocks you; the water calls your name...and they say golf is a quiet game." The saying has been cited in print since at least 2001…
“The best wood in an amateur’s bag is a pencil” (golf joke)
Professional golfer Chi-Chi Rodriguez told many one-liners on the golf tour. At the U.S. Open in 1979, Rodriguez joked about a pencil: "That's the best wood in the bag for an amateur. If…
“Golf is an endless series of tragedies obscured by the occasional miracle”
"Golf is an endless series of tragedies obscured by the occasional miracle" was cited in 1999 and is of unknown authorship. "Golf can best be described as an endless series of…
“Relationships are like algebra. You look at your X and wonder Y”
A popular algebra joke has been printed on T-shirts and ecards: "Relationships are a lot like algebra. Have you ever looked at your X and wondered Y?" "This relationship shit is like…
“What do you call a bear with no teeth?”/“A gummy bear.”
A popular joke about gummy bears fruit candy is: Q: What you call a bear with no teeth?A: A gummy bear. The joke has been cited in print since at least 2004. Wikipedia: Gummy bearA gummy bear…
“i 8 sum Pi…and it was delicious” (math joke)
"√(-1) 2³ ∑π" ("i 8 sum Pi" or "I ate some pie") -- often followed with "and it was delicious" -- is a math joke that has been printed on T-shirts.…
“A physicist sees a young man about to jump off the Empire State Building” (joke)
A popular physics joke involving the Empire State Building is: "A physicist sees a young man about to jump off the Empire State Building. He yells 'Don't do it! You have so much…
“The first time I saw a universal remote control I thought, ‘This changes everything’”
A popular joke about a tv remote is: "I remember the first time I saw a universal remote control, and I thought to myself, 'Well, this changes everything.'" "A universal…
South Carolina: Palmetto State (nickname)
Entry in progress -- B.P.Sabal palmetto Wikipedia: Seal of South CarolinaThe Great Seal of the State of South Carolina was adopted in 1776. The seal is made up of two elliptical areas, linked by…
“My friend told me a joke about a TV controller. It wasn’t remotely funny”
A popular pun about the tv remote is: "My friend told me a joke about a TV controller. It wasn't remotely funny." "I told my TV controller a joke. It wasn't remotely…
“Couples have Valentine’s Day. Singles have Palm Sunday”
A not-safe-for-work joke is told about Valentine's Day. "If Valentines Day is for lovers... what day is for single men... Palm Sunday" was posted on the newsgroup rec.humor on…
“I shot someone with a starting gun. I’ve been charged with race crime”
Is a crime at a running race a race crime? There's a joke: "I shot someone with a starting gun. I've been charged with race crime." The pun was cited on Twitter on October 7,…
“I dropped my burger on the floor. Now it’s ground beef”
"Ground beef" is the subject of an obvious pun: "I dropped my burger on the floor. Now it's ground beef." "I dropped my beef on the ground haha ground beef" was…
Tennessee: Mudhead (nickname)
Entry in progress -- B.P. (Oxford English Dictionary)mudhead, n.U.S. colloq. (derogatory). A native of Tennessee. Now rare.1838 T. C. Haliburton Clockmaker 2nd Ser. xix. 289 There's the…
“I have a fear of speed bumps, but I’m slowly getting over it”
A pun about speed bumps has made many images: "I have a fear of speed bumps, but I'm slowly getting over it." "I have an irrational fear of speed bumps but I'm getting over…
“Never relinquish clothing to a hotel valet without telling him you want it back”
New York-based author Fran Lebowitz offered "Travel Hints" in her book Social Studies (1981): "Never relinquish clothing to a hotel valet without first specifically telling him that…
“Why do police officers speed?”/“Because they can.”
Police vehicles often go beyond the speed limit, and it's not clear if there is an emergency. There's a joke about this: Q: Why do police officers speed?A: Because they can. Who will give…
Tuxedo Park: Tuxedo (clothing)
Entry in progress -- B.P. Wikipedia: TuxedoA dinner jacket (British English) or tuxedo (American English, also colloquially known as “tux”), dinner suit, or DJ is a formal evening suit…
New Jersey: Armpit of the Nation (nickname)
A city of a state that's not very pleasant might be called the "armpit of the nation" or the "armpit of America." Armpits smell. "The midwest is the armpit of the…