“My first date with an Emergency department nurse was a casual tea”
"Casual tea" is a pun on the word "casualty." "Count of casualty? Or cup of casual tea?" was posted on Twitter by Laura Briggs on April 27, 2009. "What does a…
Alphebetical for "m"
“My first time using an elevator was an uplifting experience, The second time let me down”
An elevator joke that has been printed on many images is: "My first time using an elevator was an uplifting experience, The second time let me down." "The first time I used an…
“My food is grown and harvested, not born and killed”
"My food is grown and harvested, not born and killed" is a vegan saying that has been printed on many images. "My food is grown and harvested, not born and killed" was posted on…
“My food is grown, not born”
"My food is grown, not born" is a vegan saying that has been printed on many images. "Make a statement with this 100% cotton canvas tote bag! 'My food is Grown not born' -…
“My formula for success is rise early, work late and strike oil”
"My formula for success is rise early, work late and strike oil" is a saying that has been printed on many images. Origin is uncertain. "How to get rich farming -- rise early, work…
“My freedom doesn’t end where your fear begins”
"My/Our rights don't end where your fear begins" (or "My/Our rights don't end where your fears begin") is a saying that has been printed on many images. "My/Our…
“My freedom is more important than your good idea”
"My freedom is more important than your good idea" has been a bumper sticker saying since at least 2001. The saying means that government often has "good ideas" with its…
“My French teacher has retired. Adios, amigo”
"My french teacher died. Adios, buddy" was posted on Reddit -- Sixwordstories on June 21, 2016. "After a long and effective career, my French teacher finally retired. Adios,…
“My friend asked me if I wanted a frozen banana…” (joke)
Not everyone understands the concept of a frozen banana (a dessert on a stick). American stand-up comedian Mitch Hedberg (1968-2005) told this joke in his act by at least 1999: "My friend…
“My friend bullied and pressured me to go spelunking, so I caved”
"Caving" is also known as "spelunking" in the United States. "Cave" also means to cease to resist (to submit). "RT @YUCKYBOT: My friends convinced me to go…
“My friend can’t afford to pay his water bill anymore. So I sent him a card, “Get well soon’”
A "get-well card" is usually a card to encourage someone to "get well" after an illness. It's not a card encouraging someone to get a water well, but there are jokes.…
“My friend cuts up his Indian bread to look like coins. It’s naan cents”
"Naan" (flatbread) has resulted in some "naan cents" (nonsense) jokes. "I can't believe the Indian restaurant would not accept my jar of change as payment. That's…
“My friend David had his ID stolen the other day. Now we just call him Dav”
"My friend David had his ID stolen yesterday. We just call him Dav now" is an ID joke that was posted on Twitter by Sickipedia_Feed on April 13, 2011. The joke originated on the…
“My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled him in”
Muesli has its own popular joke: ""My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled him in." The joke has been cited in print since at least 2000 and has been…
“My friend got fired from his cow milking job. He was a danger to himself and udders”
"Udders" can sound like "others," and, of course, there are jokes. "Psychotic calves are a danger to themselves and udders" was posted on Twitter by ribbles on March…
“My friend has got an excellent nose for wine. It’s shaped like a corkscrew”
Some people are said to have a "nose for wine." They can sniff a wine and tell about its properties. "My friend has got an excellent nose for wine. It's shaped like a…
“My friend has just passed his master’s degree in salad studies. He now has lettuce after his name”
People with many degrees have many letters after their names. This shouldn't be confused with "lettuce" after a name, but there are jokes. "Q: Why was the rabbit called Peter…
“My friend helped me move and dropped 20% of my couch on his foot. Ouch”
A couch joke was posted on Reddit -- 3amjokes on June 11, 2019: "I just lost 20% of my couch. Ouch." "Couch" is a five-letter word, and the letter "C" is 20% of the…
“My friend is a professional sleep walker. He is living the dream”
A person who has a dream job is "living the dream." But suppose that person is a professional sleepwalker or a professional sleeper? "Sleepwalker livin the dream, sleepwalker sing…
“My friend is a professional sleeper. He is living the dream”
A person who has a dream job is "living the dream." But suppose that person is a professional sleepwalker or a professional sleeper? "Sleepwalker livin the dream, sleepwalker sing…