“My friend asked me if I wanted a frozen banana…” (joke)
Not everyone understands the concept of a frozen banana (a dessert on a stick). American stand-up comedian Mitch Hedberg (1968-2005) told this joke in his act by at least 1999: "My friend…
Alphebetical for "m"
“My friend bullied and pressured me to go spelunking, so I caved”
"Caving" is also known as "spelunking" in the United States. "Cave" also means to cease to resist (to submit). "RT @YUCKYBOT: My friends convinced me to go…
“My friend can’t afford to pay his water bill anymore. So I sent him a card, “Get well soon’”
A "get-well card" is usually a card to encourage someone to "get well" after an illness. It's not a card encouraging someone to get a water well, but there are jokes.…
“My friend cuts up his Indian bread to look like coins. It’s naan cents”
"Naan" (flatbread) has resulted in some "naan cents" (nonsense) jokes. "I can't believe the Indian restaurant would not accept my jar of change as payment. That's…
“My friend David had his ID stolen the other day. Now we just call him Dav”
"My friend David had his ID stolen yesterday. We just call him Dav now" is an ID joke that was posted on Twitter by Sickipedia_Feed on April 13, 2011. The joke originated on the…
“My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled him in”
Muesli has its own popular joke: ""My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled him in." The joke has been cited in print since at least 2000 and has been…
“My friend got fired from his cow milking job. He was a danger to himself and udders”
"Udders" can sound like "others," and, of course, there are jokes. "Psychotic calves are a danger to themselves and udders" was posted on Twitter by ribbles on March…
“My friend has got an excellent nose for wine. It’s shaped like a corkscrew”
Some people are said to have a "nose for wine." They can sniff a wine and tell about its properties. "My friend has got an excellent nose for wine. It's shaped like a…
“My friend has just passed his master’s degree in salad studies. He now has lettuce after his name”
People with many degrees have many letters after their names. This shouldn't be confused with "lettuce" after a name, but there are jokes. "Q: Why was the rabbit called Peter…
“My friend helped me move and dropped 20% of my couch on his foot. Ouch”
A couch joke was posted on Reddit -- 3amjokes on June 11, 2019: "I just lost 20% of my couch. Ouch." "Couch" is a five-letter word, and the letter "C" is 20% of the…
“My friend is a professional sleep walker. He is living the dream”
A person who has a dream job is "living the dream." But suppose that person is a professional sleepwalker or a professional sleeper? "Sleepwalker livin the dream, sleepwalker sing…
“My friend is a professional sleeper. He is living the dream”
A person who has a dream job is "living the dream." But suppose that person is a professional sleepwalker or a professional sleeper? "Sleepwalker livin the dream, sleepwalker sing…
“My friend is a qualified greengrocer. He has lettuce after his name”
People with many degrees have many letters after their names. This shouldn't be confused with "lettuce" after a name, but there are jokes. "Q: Why was the rabbit called Peter…
“My friend is making easy money by selling pictures of salmon dressed in human clothes…” (joke)
The idiom "like shooting fish in a barrel" (meaning something that is extremely easy) shouldn't be confused with "shooting fish in apparel," but there are jokes. "My…
“My friend is so vegan, he won’t even have his picture taken because he’d have to say ‘cheese’”
A photographer sometimes gets people to smile by getting subjects to say "cheese." A joke is: "My friend is so vegan, he won't even have his picture taken because he'd have…
“My friend just quit his job at BMW. He gave no indication he was leaving”
BMW drivers, it's often said, don't use their turn signals. A joke was posted on Sickipedia on February 11, 2023: "My mate quit his job at BMW. He of course gave no indication he was…
“My friend lost his job as a journalist at a classic rock magazine through musical differences. He was always giving rave reviews”
A "rave review" isn't necessarily a review of a rave, but there are jokes. "Friend of mine gave up his job at the classic rock magazine as he had musical differences with his…
“My friend phoned that he’s changing his name to ‘Spinal Column.’ I said, ‘Can I call you back?’”
To "call someone back" is usually not meant literally in those words, but there are jokes. This was posted on Twitter by Tom Fox on November 2, 2015: "My mate rang to say he's…
“My friend rang me and asked me what I was doing. I said, ‘Probably failing my driving test!’”
"RT @sickipediabot: My mate rang me and asked 'What're you doing at the moment?' I said 'Probably failing my driving test'" was posted on X/Twitter by Eve on…
“My friend said onions are the only food that make you cry—so I threw a coconut at his face”
"My friend thinks he's smart. He said onions are the only food that make you cry. So I threw a coconut at his face" is a joke that has been printed on several posters. The joke has…