“My boss yelled, ‘You’ve been late 5 times this week, Do you know what that means?’” (Friday joke)
"My boss yelled, 'You've been late 5 times this week, Do you know what that means?' Apparently, 'It's Friday' wasn't the correct answer" is a jocular…
Alphebetical for "m"
“My brain has too many tabs open”
"My brain has too many tabs open" -- that is, a person (like a computer) is too busy with too much work -- is a jocular one-line saying that has been printed on many images. "I feel…
“My brain isn’t rotting, I’m saving it for banana bread”
Old, almost rotting bananas are often used in banana bread. "My brain isn't rotting, I'm saving it for banana bread" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images.…
“My brain just logged me out due to inactivity and now I can’t remember my password”
"My brain just logged me out due to inactivity and now I can't remember my password" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. The saying was posted on X/Twitter by…
“My brother ate a Rolex because I told him ‘watch his mouth’”
A Rolex is an expensive watch. "My brother ate a Rolex cause I told him 'watch his mouth'" is from a short rap video that was posted on Twitter by Girlhefunnyaf4 on September…
“My brother is dating a girl named Rosemary. I don’t know what he season her”
"Season" sounds like "sees in." A joke was posted on Twitter by Bob Kostic (and others) on July 29, 2014: "My brother is dating a girl named Rosemary. I don't know…
“My buddy just got a job in marketing with Kellogg’s cereals. His job is Raisin Bran awareness”
Kellogg's Raisin Bran is a popular brand of cereal. "Raisin Bran awareness" sounds like "raising brand awareness." "Social media can help in raisin bran…
“My buddy lost his job to AI. It was his job to chug thousands of gallons of water at a data center”
It's often said that AI is coming for people's jobs, but AI requires a lot of water. A joke about this was posted on X/Twitter by Benny Feldman 🪸🫧🐠 on October 12, 2025, and this…
“My candle store got robbed. They took every scent I had”
"Scent" shouldn't be confused with "cent," but there are jokes. "My candle store got robbed. They took every scent I had" was posted on Reddit -- Dadjokes on…
“My car is a hybrid. It burns gas and rubber” (bumper sticker)
"It's a hybrid. It burns gas and rubber" (or "My truck is a hybrid. It burns diesel and rubber") is a saying that has been printed on many bumper stickers. "My car is…
“My car is covered in sour cream and chives. Last time I ignore a ‘hidden dip’ sign”
"Hidden dip" is a road sign. This has nothing to do with "dipping sauce," but there are jokes. "Was driving the other day and saw a sign saying 'Hidden Dip', went…
“My car is getting 3 weeks to a gallon” (quarantine joke)
The 2019–20 coronavirus pandemic resulted in quarantines. Many people stayed at home and didn't drive their cars. "Anyone else getting two weeks to the gallon out of their car lately...…
“My car isn’t voice activated. It goes without saying”
"It goes without saying" is an expression that means something is understood without being expressly stated in words. "It goes without saying" has nothing to do with…
“My car loan identifies as a student loan” (student loan forgiveness joke)
Student loan debt forgiveness became an issue at the first Democratic Party 2020 presidential debate on June 26, 2022. Joe Biden, who participated in the debates, was elected president. "FACT…
“My car was on E, I put $20 in the tank, now it’s on E+”
"$20 used to fill up a tank of gas, but not with high gas prices. That amount of money hardly gets the gas gauge above "E" (empty). "My 🚘 was on E, I put 20$ in the tank, now…
“My career as a street fighter didn’t last very long. I broke my hand punching a curb”
Street Fighter is one of the highest-grossing video game franchises of all time. The title refers to fighting in the street -- not fighting against the street. "My career as a street fighter…
“My cat is wondering why I keep cleaning my ice cream cone”
Cat lick themselves clean; people lick ice cream cones. "Your cat probably thinks I'm cleaning my ice cream cone" is a jocular line that was posted on Twitter on January 26, 2016.…
“My cat, who does not pay rent or bills and is, himself, a bill, has sighed three times in the past five minutes”
A dog or a cat can sigh a lot, but their owners often wonder why that is, when pets have no responsibilities. "My dog sighs as if she has bills to pay" was posted on X/Twitter by…
“My ceiling fan has 3 speeds…” (joke)
Ceiling fans always seem to move too slowly or too fast. A joke has been printed in an image: "My ceiling fan has 3 settings/speeds:1) Barely moving.2) Kinda feels like it’s working.3) Is…
“My chemistry teacher offered me a Pb and J sandwich. Hospital bill is pretty high”
A peanut butter and jelly sandwich (PB&J) is popular in the United States. However, "Pb" is the chemical symbol for lead. "J" is an old symbol for iodine.…