“Just booked a table for Valentine’s Day. I hope she likes snooker”
Valentine's Day tables -- at restaurants -- usually have to be booked in advance. A Valentines Day joke about "booking a table" has been printed on several images. "Ive booked a…
Alphebetical for "j"
“Just bought some Viagra tea bags. They stop your biscuit from going soft”
"Viagra’ is now available in tea bags. It doesn’t enhance your sexual performance, but it does stop your biscuit going soft" is a jocular one-line saying about Viagra that has been…
“Just brewed happiness in a cup”
"Just brewed happiness in a cup" is a coffee saying that has been printed on many images. "You can't buy happiness, but you can buy coffee, and that's pretty close. Just…
“Just call me the little engine that said, ‘OK, but I need some coffee first’”
"Just call me the little engine that said, 'OK, but I need some coffee first'" is a jocular work saying that has been printed on many images. The Little Engine That Could is an…
“Just changed my password to ‘14days’ but it said it was too weak”
"I just changed my Facebook password to ‘14 days’ but it said it was ‘Too weak’" --"14 days" is two weeks -- is a pun that was posted on Twitter on November 20, 2010.…
“Just checked my bank account and it looks like everyone getting text messages for Christmas”
"Bank account looking like everybody getting a text message for Christmas" (or "Just checked my bank account and it looks like everyone getting text messages for Christmas") is…
“Just Dance implies the existence of Unjust Dance”
Just Dance is a rhythm game series. There is no "Unjust Dance." "Just Dance implies the existence of Unjust Dance" was posted on Twitter by Ultimate BLM ACAB Deluxe on April 25,…
“Just don’t get how people afford life without a job. I can’t even afford it with a job”
Many people live paycheck to paycheck, just barely surviving. Other people don't seem to have jobs, but manage to survive. "Just don't get how people afford life without a job ??? I…
“Just drove past a road sign that read, ‘Beware Hidden Dip.’ I hope it’s garlic”
"Hidden dip" is a road sign. This has nothing to do with "dipping sauce," but there are jokes. "Was driving the other day and saw a sign saying 'Hidden Dip', went…
“Just finished my taxes and found out I still owe Ukraine $15,387.40”
The United States gives a lot of U.S. taxpayer money to other countries. A joke is that someone has just finished doing personal income taxes and has figured out how much is owed to another…
“Just finished my taxes. Apparently I owe Israel $11,375.82”
The United States gives a lot of U.S. taxpayer money to other countries. A joke is that someone has just finished doing personal income taxes and has figured out how much is owed to another…
“Just finished my taxes. Apparently I owe Ukraine $11,375.82”
The United States gives a lot of U.S. taxpayer money to other countries. A joke is that someone has just finished doing personal income taxes and has figured out how much is owed to another…
“Just for the halibut” (“just for the hell of it” euphemism)
"Just for the halibut" is a euphemism for "just for the hell of it." "Let's go fishin' -- just for the halibut (helofit)" was cited in print in May 1941. The…
“Just found out I’ve failed my German exam. Sacre bleu!”
"Just found out I've failed my German exam. Sacre bleu!" is a joke that was posted on Twitter by Bob Kostic on January 28, 2018. "Sacrebleu" is French. TwitterBob…
“Just found out it don’t matter how early I go to sleep I just don’t want to go to work”
"I just found out it doesn't matter how early I go to sleep I just don't want to go to work" is a saying that has been printed on many images. That is, even if the speaker gets…
“Just found out there’s no popcorn in popcorn shrimp. Guess there’s no reason to try pot roast”
"Found out there's no popcorn in popcorn shrimp. Guess there's no use in trying the pot roast..." is a jocular saying that was posted on Twitter by "good luck chuck"…
“Just gave my hamster a coffee because I don’t want him falling asleep at the wheel”
Many people have a coffee before driving to prevent falling asleep at the wheel. A coffee joke transfers this to a hamster wheel. "'@sixthformpoet: I just made my hamster a strong coffee.…
“Just gone online for a video conference call. A can of corned beef popped up on my screen. Must be a zoom meat tin”
"Zoom meeting" is sometimes joked as "zoom meat tin." "Just gone online for a video conference call.. A can of corned beef popped up on my screen.. Must be a zoom meat…
“Just got a job as senior director at Old MacDonald’s Farm. I’m the CIEIO”
The "EIEIO" in the song "Old MacDonald's Farm" shouldn't be confused with the position of "CEO," but there are jokes. "@TheFagCasanova: Old…
“Just got kicked out of the hospital for telling the Covid patients to stay positive”
"Stay positive" usually means to stay optimistic, but for a Covid test to "stay positive" means that the person still has the disease. The original authorship of a popular…