“Just paid my taxes. The roads should be fixed any day now”
"I just paid my car registration. The roads will be fixed any day now" and "Just paid my taxes. The roads should be fixed any day now" are jocular anti-government sayings that…
Alphebetical for "j"
“Just passed my cheerleading exam. I went in to the exam room and said ‘Give me an A!’ so they did”
Cheerleaders often shout, "Give me a T! Give me an E! Give me an A! Give me an M! What does that spell? TEAM!" "Evening of stand-up @ Headliners.Exam joke from Milton Jones. 'I…
“Just put salt on the napkin in this bar so the napkin doesn’t stick to the bottom of my drink…”
"To keep your beer glass or mug from sticking to your bar napkin, sprinkle a little salt on the napkin before you set your glass down" was posted on X/Twitter by Happyhourguys on March…
“Just received my master’s degree in garden fencing. I’m now a post graduate”
"Post-graduate" means "after graduation," but a joke was posted on Facebook by Ian G Melonie on March 25, 2021: "Just received my Masters degree in garden fencing. I’m…
“Just remember who will always be there for you. DISHES. They will literally always be there”
"When life gets you down and you feel like you can’t go on, just remember who will always be there for you. DISHES. They will literally always be there" is a jocular saying that has…
“Just renewed my gin membership”
"Just renewed my gin membership" -- a pun on "gym membership" -- is a saying that has been printed on many images. "A gin membership sounds better than a gym membership.…
“Just saw loads of pears at a meeting. They must be Conference pears”
The name "Conference pear" has been the subject of several jokes. "When Worcs CCC hold a committee meeting is it called a 'Conference Pear'???" was posted to the…
“Just seen a burglar kicking his own door in. He was working from home”
The 2019–20 coronavirus pandemic caused many people to work from home. What did burglars do? "I'm working from home,as a burglar I've robbed my own house 150 times in the last…
“Just so we’re clear, I have no problem with the LG HDTV Community”
"I have no problem with the LG HDTV Community" (or "Just so we're clear, I have no problem with the LG HDTV Community") has been posted on many images. "LG HDTV"…
“Just so we’re clear, The Grinch never really hated Christmas. He hated people, which is fair”
"Just so we're clear, The Grinch never really hated Christmas. He hated people, which is fair" is a jocular saying that has been printed on several images. How the Grinch Stole…
“Just so you know, we’re ashamed the president of the United States is from Texas” (Dixie Chicks)
The Dixie Chicks hail from Dallas, Texas. At a London concert on March 12, 2003 (when the United States was at the brink of war with Iraq), Dixie Chick singer Natalie Maines said to the audience:…
“Just spent 45 minutes on the treadmill. Tomorrow my goal is to turn it on”
"Just spent 45 minutes on the treadmill. Tomorrow my goal is to turn it on" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "Just spent 45 minutes on the treadmill -…
“Just spilt coffee on my new pants. They’re cappuchinos now”
Cappuccino (espresso-based coffee) has nothing to do with chinos (trousers from chino cloth), but there are jokes. "I can only presume that those coffees advertised as 'Cappuchinos'…
“Just text us when you’re here. There’s no need to knock and get the dogs involved”
"Just text us when you're here. There's no need to knock and get the dogs involved" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many house signs and doormats. A doorbell ring…
“Just to be clear, none of this matters if there is a virus” (said at Constitutional Convention)
The 2019–20 coronavirus pandemic essentially resulted in medical martial law. A meme shows the painting "Washington as Statesman at the Constitutional Convention" by Junius Brutus…
“Just to be clear, we have all agreed that liquor stores are ‘essential’ and schools are not”
The 2019–20 coronavirus pandemic resulted in many school closings. Grocery stores and liquor stores were usually deemed "essential" and were allowed to remain open. "Just to be…
“Just tried some vegan mayo, it wasn’t bad. Made the chicken sandwich taste lovely”
A joke has a person trying vegan mayo -- on a chicken sandwich. "Guy at work put vegan mayo on his chicken sandwich..." was posted on X/Twitter by Cowbeep Bopboy on June 25, 2013. "I…
“Just tried to buy toilet paper, but the grocery store’s supply was wiped out”
The 2019–20 coronavirus outbreak caused panic buying (and shortages) of toilet paper. Toilet paper puns were used during the crisis, but they had also been used earlier. "No toilet paper at…
“Just trying to find the YEE to my HAW, and I keep finding the HELL to my NAW”
"Just trying to find the YEE to my HAW, and I keep finding the HELL to my NAW" is a jocular saying that has been printe on many images. "Just trying to find the yee to my haw, and I…
“Just turned wine into vomit. Your move, Jesus”
The Gospel of John describes a miracle of Jesus -- the transformation of water into wine. "RT @jenfunkyjen Jesus turned water into wine. I'm going to turn decade-old boxed wine into…