“I never joined the mile-high club because I don’t give a flying fuck”
People who have sex on flying aircraft are said to have joined the "mile-high club." A one-line joke is: "I never joined the mile-high club because I don't give a flying…
Alphebetical for "i"
“I never knew I could drop out of school until the ‘Be cool, stay in school’ guy gave a speech”
"Be cool -- stay in school" is an education slogan that has been trademarked with a first use of 2016. Some people, however, didn't know that not going to school was a legal option.…
“I never laugh until I’ve had my coffee”
"I never laugh until I've had my coffee" is a saying that has been printed on many images. The saying is from the movie No Man of Her Own (1932), where the character "Babe"…
“I never make the same mistake twice. I make it five or six times, just to be sure”
"I never make the same mistake twice. I make it five or six times, just to be sure" is a jocular one-line saying that has been printed on many images. The saying was posted on Twitter by…
“I never promised you a rose garden”
"I never promised you a rose garden" is a saying that was popularized as the title of a 1964 book by Hannah Green, the pen name of Brooklyn-born author Joanne Greenberg. The novel is…
“I never question myself. Why should I start now?”
"I never question myself. Why should I start now?" is a jocular saying that was posted on Twitter by "KD" on July 1, 2010. The second sentence jokes on the first.…
“I never realized how short a month is until I started paying bills”
"I never realized how short a month is until I started paying bills" -- that is, there's not enough money to pay monthly expenses -- is a one-line saying that has been printed on…
“I never realized how short a month was until I started paying bills”
"I never realized how short a month is until I started paying bills" -- that is, there's not enough money to pay monthly expenses -- is a one-line saying that has been printed on…
“I never run with scissors. Those last two words were unnecessary”
"I never run with scissors. Those last two words were unnecessary" is a jocular anti-running saying that has been printed on many images. Children are often told not to run while carrying…
“I never see a whole family driving in a cyber truck. It’s always one man all alone”
Many people do not like Tesla Cybertrucks, and make fun of the drivers and owners. "I never see a whole family driving in a cyber truck. It’s always one man all alone" was posted on…
“I never thought ‘I wouldn’t touch him/her with a 10-foot pole’ would become a national policy”
"I wouldn't touch him/her with a ten-foot pole" was a common expression of avoidance in the United States in the 20th century. The 2019–20 coronavirus pandemic created social…
“I never thought ‘I wouldn’t touch him/her with a 6-foot pole’ would become a national policy”
"I wouldn't touch him/her with a ten-foot pole" was a common expression of avoidance in the United States in the 20th century. The 2019–20 coronavirus pandemic created social…
“I never thought I would see the day when weed was easier to get than toilet paper”
The 2019–20 coronavirus outbreak caused panic buying and shortages in toilet paper and hand sanitizer. "Two weeks left to stock up cookies! They're a lot easier to get than toilet…
“I never thought I’d be the kind of person who’d wake up early in the morning to exercise…”
"I never thought I'd be the kind of person who'd wake up early in the morning to exercise...And I was right" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "I…
“I never thought I’d get into Feng Shui, but oh, how the tables have turned”
Feng shui is a Chinese philosophical system of harmony that is reflected is many building designs. A "turn the tables" pun is often made. "People used to believe in Feng Shui. But…
“I never thought in my entire life that my hands would consume more alcohol than my mouth”
The 2019–20 coronavirus pandemic caused many people to use alcohol-based sanitizers on their hands. "I never thought in my entire life that my hands would consume more alcohol than my…
“I never understood school shooting jokes. I guess they’re aimed at a younger audience”
"Iv never understood school shooting jokes. I guess they are aimed at a younger audience" is a dark humor joke that was posted on Twitter by January Q Systemfoo on June 2, 2014. "I…
“I never understood why people follow you on social media but don’t like you in real life”
"if you don’t like me there should be no reason why you have me on social media" is a saying that has been printed on many images. The saying was posted on Facebook by Dionna Dionna on…
“I never use body butter. I don’t want to make myself irresistible to cannibals”
There's a difference between dairy butter (a food product) and body butter (a skin product), but a joke is: "I never use body butter. I don't want to make myself irresistible to…
“I never used to warm up my Thanksgiving leftovers, but then I quit cold turkey”
"Cold turkey" (an abrupt cessation of a substance dependence) has nothing to do with Thanksgiving leftovers, but there are jokes. "Show me a man who throws Thanksgiving leftovers in…