Two Left Feet (clumsy at dancing)
A person who has "two left left" is clumsy and can't do various things, such as dance, play soccer, or march. The "two left feet" expression was popularized by…
“If it burns, it earns”
"If it burns, it earns” means that tabloid newspapers and radio/television news lead their news reports with sensationalist stories, such as violence. The Crisis Papers published "If It…
“The most dangerous part of an automobile is the nut behind the wheel”
"The most dangerous part of an automobile is the nut behind the wheel" is an old saying about auto safety. The "nut" is the driver. The following poem was in the Brooklyn (NY)…
“The only person telling you the truth in politics is the one who says he is not voting for you”
“The only person telling you the truth in politics is the one who says he is not voting for you" is a saying of unknown authorship. A person who is against you and who tells that to you --…
“Studying—notice how they conveniently put ‘dying’ at the end of this word”
"Studying -- Notice how they conveniently put 'DYING' at the end of this word" is a jocular line that has been printed on many posters. The line has been cited in print since at…
“Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at it”
"Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at it" was cited in print in 1965 and credited to a banquet remark of American professional golfer Jimmy Demaret…
“An onion will make you cry, but they never have invented a vegetable that will make you laugh”
What's harder -- to make an audience laugh or to make them cry? The classic answer is that comedy is harder because even an onion can make someone cry, but there is no vegetable that can make…
“Some debts are fun when you’re acquiring them, but none are fun when you’re retiring them”
"Some debts are fun when you're acquiring them, but none are fun when you set about retiring them" was written by American poet Ogden Nash (1902-1971) in The New Yorker on January…
“Facebook is like jail” (joke)
"Facebook is like a jail. You sit around, waste time, have a profile picture, write on walls and get poked by guys you don't really know" appeared on NUK3.com on December 17, 2009.…
“If people are trying to bring you down, it only means that you are above them”
"If people are trying to bring you down, it only means that you are above them" is saying that has been printed on many posters. "There will always be someone trying to bring you…
Road Pirates (police nickname)
"Road Pirates -- Paid by/with your money to steal your money" is a popular poster. The saying refers to "theft by cop" (civil asset forfeiture), where police stop cars and take…
“Who was the wisest financial investor in the Bible?” (joke)
"Who was the wisest financial investor in the Bible?" begins an old joke. The answer is Noah because he was able to float a company while the rest of the world was in liquidation. The…
“Love is grand; divorce is a hundred grand”
"Love is grand: divorce is a hundred grand" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many gift items, such as posters, bumper stickers and T-shirts. "Love is grand, but divorce…
“Life is too short for fake butter, cheese or people”
"Life is too short for fake butter, cheese or people" is a saying that has been printed on many posters. The saying was first cited on Twitter on November 9, 2012. Similar sayings include…
“It’s no longer called ‘box wine’—the classy term is ‘Cardboardeaux’”
"Cardboardeaux" or "Cardbordeaux" (cardboard + Bordeaux wine) is a jocular name for a box wine. "It's no longer called 'box wine' -- the classy term is…
“Courage is fear that has said its prayers”
"Courage is fear that has said its prayers" is a popular motivational quote on many posters, but it's almost always misattributed. The line comes from the short poem…
“Sometimes I wonder whether the world is being run by smart people who are putting us on”
“Sometimes I wonder whether the world is being run by smart people who are putting us on or by imbeciles who really mean it" is often credited to American author Mark Twain, the pen name of…
“What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer?” (lawyer joke)
The Italian mafia boss Don Corleone spoke the following line in Mario Puzo's novel The Godfather (1969, later made into a 1972 film): "He's a businessman. I'll make him an offer…
“Do you serve lawyers here?” (bar/lawyer joke)
There is a combination bar joke and lawyer joke. The "Do you serve lawyers here?" joke has been cited in print since at least 1994 and is of unknown authorship. Google Groups:…
“What’s the difference between a lawyer and a trampoline?” (lawyer joke)
"What's the difference between a bassoon and a trampoline? You take off your shoes to jump on a trampoline" is a musician joke that has been cited in print since at least 1992. It…