“My wife left a note on the fridge that said ‘This isn’t working’” (joke)
A popular joke about a refrigerator is: "My wife left a note on the fridge that said 'This isn't working I'm going to my mom's.' I opened up the fridge. The light was…
“Trade him for a six pack. It doesn’t even have to be cold”
NFL football coach Buddy Ryan (1931-2016) didn't hide his opinions. In 1986 training camp when Ryan was head coach of the Philadelphia Eagles, he wasn't impressed with running back…
“I carry a gun because a cop is too heavy”
"I carry a gun because a cop is too heavy" is a pro-gun slogan that has been printed on many gift items, such as bumper stickers, T-shirts and posters. The saying has been cited in print…
“I will start working when my coffee does”
"I will start working when my coffee does" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many gift items, such as coffee mugs, posters and T-shirts. "I start working when the coffee…
“Independence Day—celebrating the country by blowing up a small part of it”
The Simpson, an American animated sitcom, aired an episode on May 19, 1996 where Homer Simpson bought fireworks. The Valu-Mart clerk said: "The M-320: Celebrate the independence of your nation…
“What did one loaf of bread say to the other?”/“Weirdo.”
A bread pun is: Q: What did one loaf of bread say to the other?A: Weirdo. (We're dough.) The pun was posted on Reddit on July 3, 2016. Twitterlil white dad@itismeE_A_DWe're dough!!…
“Why did the balloon burst?”/“Because it saw a lolly pop.”
A lollipop riddle is: Q: Why did the balloon burst?A: Because it saw the lollipop. The joke has been cited in print since at least 1984. 15 April 1984, The Sun-Herald (Sydney, Australia), pg. 84…
“Fight crime—shoot back”
"Fight crime -- shoot back" is a pro-gun slogan that has been printed on many bumper stickers.The bumper sticker has been printed since at least 1982, when a police chief in Terre Haute,…
Cathedral of Asphalt (Asphalt Green)
The former Municipal Asphalt Plant (now a sports facility called Asphalt Green) opened in 1941 at East 90st Street and York Avenue in Manhattan. New York Parks Commissioner Robert Moses (1888-1981)…
“The people have spoken—the bastards!”
Democratic politician and strategist Dick Tuck ran for the California State Senate in 1966, but finished second in a crowded field. When asked by a television newsman for his reaction, Tuck said:…
“Control the controllables” (business adage)
"Control the controllables" is a popular saying in business, government and sports. One should control what one can control and not stress about the uncontrollable factors.…
“How do you say goodbye in Arabic?”/“BOOM!”
"How do you say goodbye in Arabic?" is the start of a joke about Islamic terrorism. "How do you say goodbye in Arabic?....Press the detonator" was cited on Twitter on April 23,…
“Yo mama is so dumb, she uses Old Spice for cooking”
Old SPice is the name of an American brand of male grooming products> It's not a spice, but there's a "yo mama" insult joke: "Yo mama is so dumb, she uses Old Spice for…
Brooklyn Grit
"Brooklyn grit" has been used to describe the tough, working class borough. The term "brooklyn grit" has been cited in print infrequently since a least 1875. The Brooklyn Nets…
“How did Burger King get Dairy Queen pregnant?” (restaurant joke)
A popular joke is told about the fast food restaurants Dairy Queen and Burger King (home of the Whopper sandwich): Q: How did Burger King get Dairy Queen pregnant?A: Because Burger King forgot to…
“What’s the difference between being tired and exhausted?”
Some mock Chinese proverbs (supposedly of the ancient Chinese philosopher Confucius) have been published since at least 1996: ConFuSciouS SayS:"man who run in front of car get…
Stexit (Staten Island + exit)
"Grexit" (Greece/Greek + exit) spawned many similar terms. "Stexit" (Staten Island + exit) is a name for a possible exit of Staten Island from New York City. "Staten Island…
“Why does the Statue of Liberty stand in the harbor?”/“Because it can’t sit down.”
"Why does the Statue of Liberty stand in the harbor? is one of New York's oldest and most popular riddles. This was printed in 1926: "Why does the Statue of Liberty stand in the…
“Why did Eve want to move to New York?”/“She fell for the Big Apple!”
A "Big Apple" riddle is: Q: Why did Eve want to move to New York?A: She fell for the Big Apple! The biblical joke has been cited in print since at least 1996. Google BooksFunniest Riddle…
“Americans prefer houses with basements. They’re best cellars”
Houses with cellars are "best sellers," according to the pun. "I once read a book on how to remodel my basement. I expected a good read since it made the Best Cellars list" was…