“Don’t smoke, drink or chew, or run with boys who do”
"Don't smoke, drink or chew, or run with boys/girls who do" is a popular Christian saying in the United States. The precise origin of the rhyme is unknown. "Me?...I never…
“Why do Baptists forbid kissing standing up?”/“It might lead to dancing.”
A joke about Baptists (or other denominations) is: Q: Why do Baptists forbid having sex while standing up?A: It might lead to dancing. The joke has been cited in print since at least 1983. Google…
“What’s the result of tossing a live grenade into a French kitchen?” (joke)
A French kitchen pun is: Q: What's the result of tossing a live grenade into a French kitchen?A: Linoleum Blownapart. The Napoleon Bonaparte/Linoleum Blownapart joke has been cited in print…
“Where do cows go for entertainment?”/“To the moo-vies.”
A popular cow joke is: Q: Where do cows go for entertainment?A: To the moo-vies. The joke has been cited in print since at least 1979. “Where do cows go on vacation?"/"Moo York" is…
“What did the boy scout say when he fixed the car horn?”/“Beep repaired.”
The motto of the Boy Scouts of America is "Be Prepared." There's a joke: Q: What did the boy scout say when he fixed the car horn?A: "Beep repaired." The joke has been…
“How many protesters does it take to change a light bulb?” (joke)
Many people believe that protesting doesn't work. A joke is: Q: How many protesters does it take to change a light bulb?A: Trick question. Protesters never change anything. The joke has been…
Ameritude (America + attitude)
The USA Freedom Kids performed on January 14, 2016 in Pensacola, Florida, at a political rally for Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump. To the tune of "Over There" (1917), they…
“What’s the difference between a bad golfer and a bad skydiver?” (joke)
A popular golf joke is: Q: What's the difference between a bad golfer and a bad skydiver?A: A bad golfer goes, "WHACK! Oh shit!" A bad skydiver goes, "Oh shit! WHACK!" The…
Moneyvangelist (money + evangelist)
A "moneyvangelist" (money + evangelist) is a preacher (such as a "televangelist") who is most concerned about money. The term was coined and defined by American humorist James…
“What do you call a day old pastry?”/“Yesterdanish.”
A joke about the Danish pastry is: Q: What do you call a day old pastry?A: Yesterdanish. The joke was cited on Reddit on July 21, 2016. "#replacebeatlessongwithfood Yesterdanish" was…
“Why don’t orphans play baseball?”/“They don’t know where home is.”
A baseball riddle (a "home" plate pun) is: Q: Why don't orphans play baseball?A: They don't know where home is. "Stupid question: Why don't orphans play…
“What is a cannibal?”/“Someone who is fed up with people.”
An old joke definition of a cannibal is: Q: What is a cannibal?A: Someone who is fed up with people. The joke has been cited in print since at least July 1943, when the newspaper PM (New York, NY)…
Wunch of Bankers
The collective noun for a group of bankers is sometimes said to be "a wunch of bankers" -- a spoonerism for "a bunch of wankers." The "wunch of bankers" joke has been…
“If sex is great exercise, then why are there still fat sluts?”
"If sex is great exercise, then why are there still fat sluts?" is a jocular saying that has been printed on GIFs. "If sex is such good exercise then why is there fat sluts?"…
“If earth is the third planet from the sun, then isn’t every country a third world country?”
The term "third world" was popularized in the 1950s during the Cold War and referred to political alignments, but there's a joke: "If earth is the third planet from the sun,…
“When accountants go insane, do they start to hear invoices?
A joke about accountants/bookkeepers is: "When accountants go insane, do they start to hear invoices? The joke has been cited on Twitter since December 2, 2011. The "hear invoices"…
“When is the best time for a dental appointment?”/“Tooth-hurty (2:30).”
A classic dentist joke is: Q: When is the best time for a dental appointment?A: Tooth-hurty (2:30 ). The "tooth-hurty"/"2:30" pun has been cited since at least October 1877,…
“Yo girl, are you a zero APR loan?” (joke)
A finance-themed pick-up line is: "Yo girl, are you a zero APR loan? Because I don't really understand your terms and you keep saying you have no interest." The joke was posted by…
“I saw a sign that said ‘falling rocks.’ I tried. It doesn’t”
A "falling rocks" sign is present on some mountain roads. "Rocks" is a noun, but "rocks" as a verb is a popular pun. "I keep seeing all these signs that say…
“This is not a restaurant” (joke)
Some places are not restaurants -- that is, food is not allowed -- and there's a joke: "A student walks into the classroom, loaded down with sandwiches and soda The teacher yells,…