“What do you call an emo vegetable?”/“A despair-agus.”

“Despairagus” (despair + asparagus) is a portmanteau word that has been called the “saddest vegetable.” The word “despairagus” was used in the newsgroup rec.humor in 1991. “The saddest vegetable in the world is the despairagus” was posted on Twitter on February 3, 2010.
 
A joke was posted on Reddit on August 7, 2016:
 
“What do you call an emo vegetable? A despair-agus.”
 
   
Wikipedia: Asparagus
Asparagus, or garden asparagus, scientific name Asparagus officinalis, is a spring vegetable, a flowering perennial plant species in the genus Asparagus.
 
Google Groups: rec.humor
Life In The Slaw Lane lyric
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9/1/91
LIFE IN THE SLAW LANE
by Kip Adotta
 
It was Cucumber the First; Summer was over.
I had just spinached a long day and I was busheled.
I’m the kinda guy that works hard for his celery,
And I don’t mind tellin’ you I was feeling a bit wilted.
 
But I didn’t carrot all, ‘cuz otherwise things were vine.
I try never to despairagus, and I don’t sweat the truffles.
I’m outstanding in my field, and I know that something good will turnip, eventually.
 
Google Books
America the Beautiful:
A Novel
By Moon Unit Zappa
New York, NY: Scribner paperback Fiction
2001
Pg. 290:
“Spoonie is performing with Despairagus and Suzanne Somers Thighs.”
   
Twitter
talulattdh
‏@talulattdh
RT @MikeDoughtyYeah: “Here in Portugal, they dine on the vegetable of sorrow: Despair-agus.” *giggle-snort*
7:15 AM - 2 Apr 2009
 
Twitter
Patrick Richardson
‏@Pat_Rich_OK
The saddest vegetable in the world is the despairagus.
6:36 PM - 3 Feb 2010
 
Twitter
vtjilly
‏@vtjilly
AJ’s latest words:  Un-ductor (conductor), Despair-agus (asparagus), and Cum-sheen (machine).  LOL!
8:23 AM - 9 May 2010
 
Twitter
Bill Mizgerd
‏@TheBillOfWrites
What’s the saddest vegetable? Despair-agus
1:25 PM - 7 May 2014
       
Twitter
Olivia Brown
‏@Livs_Brown
“What do you call a vegetable on Prozac? A despair-agus” —Adam Livingston @AdmanLivingston
10:07 PM - 11 Feb 2015
 
Twitter
Frogleggy
‏@frogleggy
E’s least favorite vegetable: “despair-agus.”
7:42 PM - 4 May 2015
 
Urban Dictionary
despairagus
The saddest vegetable in the world.
Despairagus.
by davyjonesin January 19, 2016
 
Twitter
Maddie Hays
‏@maddiemierro
“if asparagus is sad, does that make it despair-agus?” - my roommate
7:00 PM - 19 Apr 2016
 
reddit
What do you call an emo vegetable?
submitted August 7, 2016 by jbloodz
A despair-agus