“You wanna pizza me?”
"You wanna pizza me?" (a pizza version of "Do you want a piece of me?" -- that is, the start of an argument or a fight) is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images.…
Golden Globalist (Golden Globe + globalist)
The Golden Globe Awards are run by the Hollywood Foreign Press Association to honor the best in film and television. Many acceptance speeches are political, and the Golden Globe has been nicknamed…
“I’ve been watching the Origami Channel. It’s paper view”
"Pay Per View" sounds like "paper view." An obvious joke is: "I've been watching the Origami Channel. It's paper view." The "paper view" origami…
“Rowing is oarsome”
"Rowing is oarsome" (oar + awesome) is a saying that has been printed on several gift items. "Oarsome twosome" was cited in 1971 newspapers and "oarsome foursome" was…
“Dad, when I grow up, I want to be a feminist”
A popular feminist joke is: Daughter: Dad, when I grow up, I want to be a feminist.Father: Well, pick one. You can't do both. The joke was posted on Twitter on June 11, 2015 and was first…
“Is it true that an apple a day keeps the doctor away, or is it just one of Granny’s myths?”
“An apple a day keeps the doctor away” is an old saying. A joke involving the Granny Smith apple is: "Is it true that an apple a day keeps the doctor away, or is it just one of…
“I occasionally enjoy having my steak undercooked…but that’s rare”
A joke about ordering steak was posted on Twitter by Crap Jokes on April 1, 2015: "I occasionally enjoy having my steak undercooked...but that’s rare." The one-line saying has been…
“While you were arguing about the glass of water, I drank it! -Sincerely, The Opportunist”
"Is the glass half empty or half full?" is a classic question, and a jocular message has been printed on many images: Dear Optimist, Pessimist, and Realist,While you were arguing about…
“Whatever you do, always give 100%. Unless you’re donating blood”
"Whatever you do in life, always give 100%. Unless you're donating blood" is a jocular aphorism that has been printed on many images. The saying was first posted on Twitter on…
“What do you give to a man who has everything?”/“Penicillin.”
A problem was popularized in the 1950s, especially around Christmas -- what do you give the person who has everything? There's a joke: Q: What do you give to a man who has everything?A:…
“What do you call a guy in debt?”/“Owen.”
A riddle about a person in debt is: Q: What do you call a guy in debt?A: Owen. The riddle has been cited in print since at least 2006, when it was included in a joke book. “What do you call a…
“I bought some rocket salad yesterday, but it went off before I could eat it”
"Rocket salad" doesn't contain rocketships, but there's a joke: "I bought some rocket salad yesterday, but it went off before I could eat it." The joke was posted on…
“How do you make a Venetian blind?”/“Poke him in the eye.”
The term "Venetian blind" (a type of window blind) is used in a classic riddle: Q: How do you make a Venetian blind?A: Poke him in the eye. The joke has been cited in print since at least…
“I’m crazy? I want a second opinion!”/“You’re ugly, too.”
A popular psychiatry joke has a psychiatrist tell a man, "You're crazy." "I want a second opinion," the man responds. "OK," says the doctor, "you're…
“Baseball is the only sport you can play with food in your mouth”
Many baseball players have stuff in their mouths, such as gum or chewing tobacco. "Baseball is the only game you can play with food in your mouth smh" was posted on Twitter on May 15,…
“He said, ‘You remind me of a pepper pot.’ I said, ‘I’ll take that as a condiment’”
A top British pun (confusing "condiment" with "compliment") has been cited in print since at least 2001: "He said: 'You remind me of a pepper pot' I said:…
“Why can’t dogs dance?”/“Because they have two left feet.”
A clumsy dancer is said to have "two left feet." A popular animal riddle (usually about dogs) is: Q: Why can't dogs (four-legged animals) dance?A: Because they have two left feet.…
“What’s worse than spiders on your piano?”/“Crabs on your organ.”
The organ has been the subject of many sex jokes. One popular pun is: Q: What's worse than spiders on your piano?A: Crabs on your organ. "Q: Whats worse than lobsters on your piano? A:…
“I went to a zoo and it had only one animal—a dog. It was a Shih Tzu”
"I went to a zoo the other day and it had only one animal -- a dog. It was a Shih Tzu (shit zoo)" is a popular joke that has been printed on many images. The joke has been cited in print…
“A fruit probably wouldn’t travel to Australia, but a veggie might”
Vegemite (an Australian food spread made from leftover brewers' yeast extract) has had several "veggie might" puns. This was posted to Reddit -- Jokes on January 9, 2017: "A…