“I work hard so my dog can have a better life”
"I work hard so my dog can have a better life" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "Working hard so my dog can have a better life!" was posted on Twitter…
“I actually have a lot of jokes about potatoes, I just don’t know where to starch”
Potatoes contain starch. "I would tell a joke about potatoes, but i don't know where to starch!" -- a pun on "where to start" -- was posted on Twitter by PUNS on October…
“Why does Santa go down the chimney on Christmas Eve?”/“Because it soots him.”
A Christmas riddle is: Q: Why does Santa go down the chimney on Christmas Eve?A: Because it soots (suits) him. The Christmas pun has been cited in print since at least December 1894. Google…
“What do elves do after school?”/“Gnomework.”
A Christmas riddle is: Q: What do elves do after school?A: Gnomework. The riddle has been cited in print since at least 1984. Google BooksThe Zaniest Riddle Book in the WorldBy Joseph Rosenbloom…
“Every time a bird poops on my car, I eat a plate of scrambled eggs on my front porch” (joke)
Do birds feel nervous when people eat eggs? "Every time a bird poops/shits on my car, I eat a plate of scrambled eggs on my front porch, just to show them what I'm capable of" is a…
“Why didn’t Rudolph get a good report card?”/“Because he went down in History.”
A riddle about Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer is: Q: Why didn't Rudolph get a good report card?A: Because he went down in History. The joke is based on the last lyrics to the "Rudolph the…
“What did Santa say to Mrs. Claus when he looked out the window?”/“Looks like rain, dear.”
"Reindeer" sounds like "rain, dear." ""Santa Claus is welcome but I do not want to see the rain dear" was printed in an 1888 newspaper. "Why does Santa Claus…
“How do you scare a snowman?”/“You get a hairdryer!”
A snowman riddle is: Q: How do you scare a snowman?A: You get a hairdryer! The joke was posted on Twitter on November 9, 2011. TwitterHannah @HannahTweetsWWE.. How do you scare a snowman? You…
“What do Santa’s elves learn at school?”/“The elfabet.”
A Christmas riddle is: Q: What do Santa's elves learn at school?A: The elfabet. The "elfabet" (elf + alphabet) pun was posted on the newsgroup rec.humor on November 26, 1999. The…
Fake Bureau of Investigation (Federal Bureau of Investigation or FBI nickname)
The Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI) has been perceived by many to have a political agenda to its investigations. The FBI has been called the "Fake Bureau of Investigation" by those…
“A bad football team is like an old bra—no cups and very little support”
A popular quotation about soccer (football) is: "A bad football team is like an old bra -- no cups and very little support." The sports saying has been cited in print since at least 1998…
“What did the snowman say to the aggressive carrot?”/“Get out of my face.”
A snowman often has a carrot for a nose. A riddle is: Q: What did the snowman say to the aggressive carrot?A: "Get out of my face." The riddle was posted on Twitter on October 13, 2014.…
“Why did the teacher write on the window?”/“Because she wanted the lesson to be very clear.”
A school riddle is: Q: Why did the teacher write on the window?A: Because she wanted the lesson to be very clear. "Why did the teacher write on the window? He wanted his lesson to be…
“If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?”
"If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?" is a joke on police Miranda warnings that has been printed on many images. The saying has been cited in…
“What do you get when you cross an apple with a Christmas tree?”/“A pineapple.”
A Christmas riddle is: Q: What do you get when you cross an apple with a Christmas tree?A: A pineapple. The joke was posted on the newsgroup alt.humor.puns on December 27, 2002. “What do you get…
“Food is just a tasty laxative”
"Food is just a tasty laxative" was posted on Reddit -- Shower Thoughts on December 5, 2017. The "tasty laxative" saying has usually been used for specific types of food.…
“I made chili con carne from Scratch. I’ll miss Scratch. He was a good dog!”
Some home-cooked meals are said to be made "from scratch." "My Korean girlfriend made me dinner earlier.... a pie made from scratch. Gutted. Bloody loved that dog" is a joke…
“If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?”
Parsley is often used as a garnish. "If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?" is a pun that has been printed on many images. American comedian Bruce Baum said in July…
“What Christmas carol is a favorite of parents?”/“Silent Night.”
A Christmas riddle is: Q: What Christmas carol is a favorite of parents?A: Silent Night. That is, parents prefer silence. The joke has been cited in print since at least 2001. Wikipedia: Silent…
“Why did the woman wear a helmet at the dinner table?”/“She was on a crash diet.”
A riddle about a "crash" diet (an extreme diet) is: Q: Why did the woman wear a helmet at the dinner table?A: She was on a crash diet. Forms of the riddle have been cited in print since…