“Video games are just really intense thumb wars”
Entry in progress -- B.P. Reddit -- Shower ThoughtsVideo games are just really intense thumb wars.submitted March 17, 2016 by mizpixy Reddit -- Shower ThoughtsVideo games are just long-range thumb…
“Maybe hot chocolate wants to be called ‘beautiful’ chocolate, just one time”
"Why would you call it hot chocolate maybe it wants to be called beautiful chocolate” is a jocular saying that was posted on Twitter on July 16, 2013. "What if it doesn't want to…
“Waiter: Do you wanna box for that? Diner: No, but I’ll wrestle you for it.”
Entry in progress -- B.P. Twitter Frank Berry Jr. @FrankBerryAt the end of my meal last night:Waiter: "You wanna box for that?" Me: "No. But I'll WRESTLE you for…
“I’m pretty sure it’s easier to leave most street gangs than it is to cancel a gym membership”
Entry in progress -- B.P. TwitterBill Murray @BiIIMurrayI’m pretty sure that it’s easier to leave most street gangs than it is to cancel a membership to a gym.12:30 PM - 21 Dec 2017
“Why is a foot a good Christmas present?”/“Because it’s a great stocking filler.”
A Christmas riddle is: Q: Why is a foot a good Christmas present?A: Because it's a great stocking filler. The Christmas joke has been cited in print since at least 2010. Twitterabbie…
“What’s the difference between a Ritz cracker and a lesbian?” (joke)
Entry in progress -- B.P. Wikipedia: Ritz CrackersRitz Crackers are a brand of snack cracker introduced by Nabisco in 1934. Outside the United States, the Ritz Cracker brand is made by a subsidiary…
“I got so drunk last night, I don’t know if I found some keys or lost a car”
Entry in progress -- B.P. Twitter Sawyer Stone @FuckinnShiti sooooooo wasted I don't kno if I found some keys or lost a car2:19 PM - 26 Sep 2013 TwitterRyan @RyanGoodyerI'm so…
“How do you decorate a canoe for Christmas?”/“With oar-naments.”
A Christmas riddle is: Q: How do you decorate a canoe for Christmas? A: With oar-naments. The Christmas joke has been cited in print since at least 2005. Google BooksCrazy Christmas JokesBy Alison…
“I told my wife that it was her turn to shovel and salt the front steps. All I got was icy stares”
A winter joke was posted on the website Pun of the Day on April 25, 2017: "I told my wife that it was her turn to shovel and salt the front steps. All I got was icy stares." "Icy…
Indiana: “If the kitchen’s in the house and Diana’s in the kitchen, what’s in Diana?”
An Indiana riddle is: "If the kitchen's in the house, and Diana's in the kitchen, then what's in Diana?" The joke has been cited in print since at least 2001. Wikipedia:…
“You want to be too sick for school, but well enough to play video games”
An acceptable sickness to some people is being too sick to go to school or to work, but well enough to play video games at home. "Homemade turkey and vegetable broth with rotini for me and the…
“Why are Christmas trees so bad at sewing?”/“They always drop their needles.”
A Christmas tree riddle is: Q: Why are Christmas trees like bad knitters? A: They both drop their needles. The Christmas joke has been cited in print since at least 1994. Google BooksThe Father…
“Did you hear about the farmer who made gloves out of herbs? He had way too much thyme on his hands”
"Thyme" (an aromatic perennial evergreen herb) has had many "time" puns. "After a day of removing ground cover in the garden without gloves, I am left with too much thyme…
“Most pastas are very serious, but there are a fusilli”
"Fusilli" pasta sounds like "few silly." "Most Pasta shapes are sensible, but there are a fusilli" was posted on the newsgroup alt.humor.puns on November 10, 2003.…
“Waitress: Sorry about your wait. Diner: Well, I’ve been doing my best to lose it.”
A restaurant joke was posted on Twitter on July 13, 2010: Waitress:"Sorry about your wait" Me:"So is my dietician," Another version of the "wait"/"weight"…
“I can’t wait for the day when I can drink wine with my kids instead of because of them”
Children are sometimes the reason why a parent drinks wine. "I can't wait for the day I can drink wine with my children instead of because of them..." was posted on Twitter on…
“Where can you always find money?”/“In the dictionary.”
A popular money riddle is: Q: Where can you always find money?A: In the dictionary. Versions of the riddle have been cited in print since at least 1908 and 1913. 15 October 1908, The Kentucky Post…
“What do you get if you deep fry Santa Claus?”/“Crisp Cringle.”
A Christmas riddle is: Q: What do you get if you deep fry Santa Claus?A: Crisp Cringle. The "Kris Kringle" pun has been cited in print since at least 1997. “Pringles got into my carpet.…
“I’ve trained my dog to bring me a glass of red wine. He’s a Bordeaux collie”
Is a "Bordeaux collie" (Bordeaux wine + Border Collie) a dog that will bring red wine? "Bordeaux collie" has been cited in print since at least 1995 and has been printed on…
“When I see a bruised apple at the grocery store, I hold it close & whisper, ‘Who did this to you?’”
Bruised fruit usually can't be blamed on a bully, but there's a joke. "When I see a bruised apple at the market, I give it a soft hug and whisper, 'Who did this to…