“Not bragging but I made six figures last year. At the toy factory”
To "make six figures" is to earn at least $100,000 -- unless one is, literally making six figures. "If you can say 'I made six figures last year,' you either have a well…
“I kicked some dropped ice cubes under the refrigerator. It’s now water under the fridge”
“Lazy rule: If ice falls, kick it under the refrigerator” is a rule about dropped ice cubes. Does the ice then become "water under the fridge" (a pun on "water under the…
“I had a dream last night that I was cutting carrots with the Grim Reaper—dicing with death”
English writer and comedian Tim Vine has a frequently told one-line joke about dicing carrots: "I had a dream last night that I was cutting carrots with the Grim Reaper -- dicing with…
“I asked the hot girl at my gym what her new year’s resolution was” (joke)
A new year's resolution joke was posted on Reddit -- Jokes on December 12, 2016: "Today i asked the hot girl at my gym what her New Year's resolution was. She said 'fuck…
“Mary and Abby!”/“Mary and Abby who?”/“Mary Christmas and a Abby New Year!”
An end-of-year knock-knock joke is: "Knock, knock!""Who's there?""Mary and Abby!""Mary and Abby who?""Mary Christmas and Abby New Year!" The…
“What did the intergalactic cookie say to the other intergalactic cookie?”/“Beam me up biscotti.”
The Star Trek television series and movies include an engineer character named Scott (Scotty), to whom the other characters often request to "beam" them up (transport them). "Beam me…
“How can a lighthouse, rose trellis, windstorm, dune & Halloween costume make something tasty?”
The "BLT" (bacon, lettuce and tomato) is one of America's most popular sandwiches. A riddle has been cited in print since at least 1994: Q: How can you use a lighthouse, a rose…
“Why does your mom taste like a savory?”/“Because she’s umami.”
"Umami" (savory taste) sometimes sounds like "your mommy." A joke was posted on Reddit -- Dad Jokes on December 28, 2017: Q: Why does your mom taste like a savory?A: Because…
“I asked the hot girl at my gym what her new year’s resolution was” (joke)
A new year's resolution joke was posted on Reddit -- Jokes on December 12, 2016: "Today i asked the hot girl at my gym what her New Year's resolution was. She said 'fuck…
“Entered what I ate today into my new fitness app and it just sent an ambulance to my house”
A joke about a fitness app was posted on Twitter by Mikey on October 12, 2015: "Entered what I ate today into my new fitness app and it just sent an ambulance to my house." The one-line…
“Why do dinosaurs pay for Amazon Shipping?”/“Because they live in the Land before Prime.”
The Land Before Time (1988) is an animated adventure drama film about dinosaurs. How did the dinosaurs order products from Amazon.com in such a prehistoric age? A riddle was posted on Reddit --…
“What’s the shittiest day of the week?”/“SaTURDay.”
A riddle was posted on Twitter on January 2, 2011: Q: What's the shittiest day of the week? A: Sa"TURD"ay. "What's the shittiest day of the week? SaTURDay" was posted…
“I entered a dad joke competition and won $1000. It was a grand dad joke”
The sum of $1,000 is a "grand." There is a "dad joke" -- or rather a "grand dad joke" -- about this. "I was paid $1000 for this joke. It was a grand dad…
“Paper or plastic?”/“Either. I’m bisacktual.”
A cashier often gives a customer a choice of bags and asks, “Paper or plastic?” A joke is: CASHIER: Paper or plastic?CUSTOMER: Either. I'm bisacksual/bisacktual. "When they ask…
“I’m going to a notable restaurant tonight. I’m excited, but I don’t know where I’ll put my plate”
There's a difference between a "notable" restaurant and a "no table" restaurant. "I'm going to a notable restaurant tonight. I'm excited, but I don't…
“As a child: ‘You’re grounded.’ As an adult: ‘Your package will be delivered between 8 am and 6 pm’”
Waiting for a package is like being in prison, or like being grounded as a child, A joke was posted on the website Sickipedia on December 19, 2017: As a child: 'You are grounded. 'As an…
“Dad used to say ‘the sky’s the limit.’ Which is probably why he got fired from NASA”
A joke about the National Aeronautics and Space Administration (NASA) was posted on Twitter on May 20, 2017: "My Grandpa always said 'the sky's the limit' to encourage me. Now I…
“I always pick the checkout aisle with the most attractive cashier. The self-checkout”
Some people look for the checkout with the hottest-looking cashier. "I always pick out the best looking cashier at the market, self check out lane it is" was posted on Twitter on…
“‘No lemon, no melon’ backwards is ‘No lemon, no melon’”
Entry in progress. -- B.P. Reddit -- Shower Thoughts'No lemon, no melon' backwards is 'No lemon, no melon'submitted December 25, 2017 by MazkaraManik
“Do dragons enjoy playing offices and accountants?”
Dungeons and Dragons is a fantasy tabletop role-playing game. Offices & Bosses is another role-playing game. "If we play D&D...do Dragons play 'Offices & Humans' in their…