“Ahmed walks into Abbar…” (bar joke)
"A guy walks into a bar..." is a typical form of what has been called the "bar joke." An anti-joke version with Islamic names is: "Ahmed walks into Abbar..."…
“If you’re having trouble understanding fractions, don’t worry, our helpline is open 24/7”
"The Improper Fractions Helpline is now open 24/7" is a math joke that has been printed on coffee mugs. "My top-heavy fractions helpline is now open 24/7" was posted on Twitter…
“I don’t know if I just got hit by freezing rain, but it hurt like hail”
"Hurts like hail" sounds like "hurts like hell." "Frozen rain, when it hits you, hurts like hail" was published in a 1987 newspaper. "I don't know if I just…
“Employee of the Month is a good example of how a person can be a winner & loser at the same time”
"Employee of the Month is a good example of how a person can be a winner and a loser at the same time" is a jocular one-line work saying that has been printed on many images. New…
“What do you drain your Brussels sprouts with at Christmas?”/“An Advent colander.”
An Advent calendar shouldn't be written as an Advent "colander," but there have been several puns. "Each day the little Cratchits would peer through a different hole in the…
“What’s white and goes up?”/“A confused snowflake.”
A winter riddle is: Q: What's white and goes up?A: A confused snowflake. The joke has been cited in print since at least 1977. 11 January 1977, Los Angeles (CA) Times, You sec., pg. 2, col.…
“A priest, a minister and a rabbi walk into a bar…” (bar joke)
"A guy walks into a bar..." is a typical form of what has been called the "bar joke." An anti-joke version is: "A priest, a minister and a rabbi walk into a bar. Legally,…
“If Tetris has taught me anything, it’s that errors pile up and accomplishments disappear”
"If Tetris has taught me anything, it’s that errors pile up and accomplishments disappear" is a saying about the tile-matching puzzle video game that has been printed on several images.…
“What did the grape say to the peanut butter?”/“‘Tis the season to be jelly.”
The Christmas carol "Deck the Halls: has the lyric, "'Tis the season to be jolly." A riddle was cited in print in 1978: Q: What did one grape say to the other grape?A: 'Tis…
“What do you get from a cowmedian?”/“Cream of Wit!”
A cow riddle is: Q: What do you get from a cowmedian?A: Cream of wit. A "cowmedian" is a "cow-comedian." The joke has been cited in print since at least 2007. Wikipedia: Cream…
“What do cows eat for breakfast?”/“Moosli.”
A cow riddle is: Q: What do cows eat for breakfast?A: Moosli." The "moosli" joke (moo + muesli) has been cited in print since at least 2001. Wikipedia: MuesliMuesli (/ˈmjuːzli/ or…
“Did Rudolph go to a regular school?”/“No, he was elf taught.”
A Christmas riddle about Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer is: Q: Did Rudolph go to a regular school?A: No, he was elf taught. "Question: Did Rudolph go to a regular school?: Answer: No. He was…
“What do you call a rich elf?”/“Welfy.”
An elf riddle is: Q: What do you call a rich elf?A: Welfy (wealthy). The riddle has been cited in print since at least 2003. 14 December 2003, Green Bay (WI) Press-Gazette, "Sites of the…
“How does a flat earther travel the world?”/“On a plane.”
A flat earth riddle is: Q: How does a flat earther travel the world?A: On a plane (plain). The joke was posted on Reddit -- Jokes on November 30, 2017. Reddit -- JokesHow does a Flat Earther travel…
“When I accidentally bought the wrong type of bread, my day had gone a rye”
"A rye" is a frequent homophone for "awry." "My bread baking business has gone a rye" was posted on Twitter on August 9, 2011. A pun was posted on Reddit -- Oneliners…
True York City (true + New York City)
"True York City" (true + New York City) is a name from the marketing campaign of NYC & Company that began in November 2017. The logo "Famous Original New York City" features…
“How to tie the strongest knot ever: 1) put some headphones in your pocket 2) wait one minute”
Headphones often become tangled. A joke was posted on Twitter by "sweaty five dollars" on April 7, 2013: "How to tie the strongest knot ever: 1) put some headphones in your pocket…
“My parents told me I could be anyone I wanted to be. Turns out, this is called ‘Identity Theft’”
Parents often tell their children that they can become anyone they want to be. This is not meant to be taken literally. "As a young child my mum told me I could be anybody I wanted to be.…
“I’m beginning to think that I buy bananas just to watch them die a slow death in my kitchen”
Bananas go bad very quickly. "I’m beginning to think that I buy bananas just to watch them die a slow death in my kitchen" is a jocular one-line saying that has been printed on several…
“My new dog, Minton, just ate all my shuttlecocks. Bad Minton!”
A joke on the name of "badminton" has been cited in print since at least 2000: "My new dog, Minton, just ate all my shuttlecocks. Bad Minton!" The joke has been printed on…