“The first submarine sandwich shop opened in 1898, but the store went under”
A company that’s bankrupt and closes is said to have “gone under” (as if buried). There are several submarine ("sub") sandwich shop jokes. "The inventor of the submarine…
“I’d rather let someone see me naked than parallel park”
Many people find that parallel parking is difficult. "I'd rather let someone see me naked than parallel park" is a saying that has been printed on an image. "I'd rather…
Lasting Eye Damage (“LED” backronym)
"LED" usually stands for "light-emitting diodes." Many computer screens are LED screens. Joe Imbriano, of The Fullerton Informer YouTube channel, said on a July 3, 2018 video…
“Two Canadian body builders were working out at the gym…” (joke)
Canadians have a reputation for saying "sorry" and "eh." "'So sore, eh.' - Some Canadian who's a little funny" was posted on Twitter on December 8,…
Qtard (QAnon + retard)
"QAnon" refers to an anonymous person who has "Q" clearance (a high U.S. security clearance) and who shares some of this classified information on the internet. Some people have…
“Eat whatever you want, and if someone lectures you about your weight, eat them too”
"Eat whatever you want, and if anyone/someone tries to lecture you about your weight, eat them too" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "Diet ideas: Eat…
“15 years ago the internet was an escape from the real world”
The internet is often compared to the "real world." Noah Smith posted an observation on Twitter on August 28, 2017 that immediately went viral: "15 years ago, the internet was an…
“Where do shellfish go to borrow money?”/“The prawn broker.”
"Prawn" sounds to some like "pawn." A riddle has been cited in print since at least 2001: Q: Where do shellfish go to borrow money?A: The prawn broker. “How could the dolphin…
“A movie ticket for baby should cost at least $50”
Many people can't stand crying babies at the movies. "A movie ticket for baby should cost at least $50" -- that is, an expensive price to discourage parents from taking babies to the…
“How much of the cake did the sword want?”/“Just a slice.”
A cake riddle is: Q: How much of the cake did the sword want?A: Just a slice. The riddle was posted on Twitter by Sagittarius on November 1, 2017. TwitterSagittarius@Otoya808@dadtellsjokes How much…
“How long have you been chopping wood for?”/“I’m not sure, I’ll check the logs.”
A time pun was posted on Reddit -- Jokes on June 11, 2016: "How long have you been chopping wood for?""I'm not sure, I'll check the logs." The joke was posted on…
“Some things are better left unsaid, but I’ll probably get drunk and say them anyway”
"Some things are better left unsaid, but I'll probably get drunk and say them anyway" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "Some things are better left…
“The U.S. government is an insurance company with a sideline business in defense”
Is the U.S. government an insurance company? It pays out Medicare, Medicaid, Social Security -- and it has an army. Under Secretary of the U.S. Treasury Peter R. Fisher said at the Columbus Council…
“You remind me of a penny—two-faced and not worth much”
"You remind me of a penny -- two-faced and not worth much" (or "You remind me of a penny -- two-faced and worthless") has is an expression that has been printed on many images.…
“What do you call an American drawing?”/“A Yankee Doodle.”
A popular July 4th (Independence Day) riddle is: Q: What do you call an American drawing?A: A Yankee Doodle. The Yankee Doodle pun has been cited in print since at least 1988. Wikipedia: Yankee…
“My diving school has gone under”
A company that's bankrupt and closes is said to have "gone under" (as if buried). There are several diving company/school jokes. "Friend's had to cancel his deep sea diving…
“You remind me of a penny—two-faced and worthless”
"You remind me of a penny -- two-faced and not worth much" (or "You remind me of a penny -- two-faced and worthless") has is an expression that has been printed on many images.…
“Yesterday’s eyeliner can be today’s smokey eye if you just believe in yourself”
"Yesterday's eyeliner can be today's smokey eye if you just believe in yourself" is an inspirational saying that has been printed on many images. "Yesterday's eyeliner…
“The U.S. government is an insurance company with an army”
Is the U.S. government an insurance company? It pays out Medicare, Medicaid, Social Security -- and it has an army. Under Secretary of the U.S. Treasury Peter R. Fisher said at the Columbus Council…
“You remind me of a penny—worthless and found in everyone’s pants”
"You remind me of a penny -- two-faced and not worth much" (or "You remind me of a penny -- two-faced and worthless") has is an expression that has been printed on many images.…