“I used to be a tap dancer until I fell in the sink”
"I used to be a tap dancer until I fell into the sink" is a jocular one-line saying that has been printed on several images. "You know, I used to be a tap dancer, but I kept falling…
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“My doctor told me to drink a glass of wine after a hot bath…” (joke)
Supposedly, doctors sometimes advise patients to drink something (wine, carrot juice, lemonade or something else) after taking a hot bath. A popular joke was first published in The Humorist…
“I grilled a chicken for two hours yesterday…” (joke)
"Why did the chicken cross the road?"/"To get to the other side" is a classic riddle from the 19th century. A popular joke variation is: "I grilled a chicken for two hours…
“My Facebook-using grandfather died. We won’t be seeing the likes of him again”
Facebook is an online social media website that allows users to "like" posts. A joke is: "After spending up to twelve hours a day on Facebook for years, my grandfather died…
“Me and my limbo team go way back”
A pun about limbo dancing is: "Me and m limbo team go way back." The joke was posted on Twitter on June 11, 2011. Wikipedia: Limbo (dance)Limbo is a traditional popular dance contest that…
“Vodka! Tequila! Whiskey! I call the shots!”
"Vodka! Tequila! Whiskey! I call the shots!" is an alcohol variation of the expression "to call the shots." "TEQUILA! VODKA! SAMBUCA! That's right.........I call the…
“A policeman asked me to come down to the station for an interview” (joke)
A joke about police procedure is: "A policeman asked me to come down to the station for an interview. I haven't even applied for a job there!" The joke was posted on Twitter on July…
“Did you hear about the astronaut who stepped on chewing gum? He got stuck in Orbit!”
A joke about a certain brand of chewing gum is: "Did you hear about the astronaut who stepped on chewing gum? He got stuck in Orbit!" The joke has been cited in print since at least 2006.…
“What do you call a snowman with a suntan?”/“A puddle.”
A popular snowman riddle has two forms, both with the same punchline. This was cited in a 1997 newspaper: Q: What do you call a snowman with a suntan? A: A puddle. This version was cited in a 1999…
“What do you call a girl who sets fire to her credit card statements?”/“Bernadette.”
A riddle about a person in debt is: Q: What do you call a girl who sets fire to her credit card statements?A: Bernadette (burn a debt). "What do you call a woman who sticks her gas bills on…
“Gambling has brought our family together. We had to move to a smaller house”
A jocular one-line saying about gambling is: "Gambling sure brought our family together. We had to buy a smaller house!" The saying was cited in the Chicago (IL) Tribune in July 1972 and…
“You wanna pizza me?”
"You wanna pizza me?" (a pizza version of "Do you want a piece of me?" -- that is, the start of an argument or a fight) is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images.…
Golden Globalist (Golden Globe + globalist)
The Golden Globe Awards are run by the Hollywood Foreign Press Association to honor the best in film and television. Many acceptance speeches are political, and the Golden Globe has been nicknamed…
“I’ve been watching the Origami Channel. It’s paper view”
"Pay Per View" sounds like "paper view." An obvious joke is: "I've been watching the Origami Channel. It's paper view." The "paper view" origami…
“Rowing is oarsome”
"Rowing is oarsome" (oar + awesome) is a saying that has been printed on several gift items. "Oarsome twosome" was cited in 1971 newspapers and "oarsome foursome" was…
“Dad, when I grow up, I want to be a feminist”
A popular feminist joke is: Daughter: Dad, when I grow up, I want to be a feminist.Father: Well, pick one. You can't do both. The joke was posted on Twitter on June 11, 2015 and was first…
“Is it true that an apple a day keeps the doctor away, or is it just one of Granny’s myths?”
“An apple a day keeps the doctor away” is an old saying. A joke involving the Granny Smith apple is: "Is it true that an apple a day keeps the doctor away, or is it just one of…
“I occasionally enjoy having my steak undercooked…but that’s rare”
A joke about ordering steak was posted on Twitter by Crap Jokes on April 1, 2015: "I occasionally enjoy having my steak undercooked...but that’s rare." The one-line saying has been…
“While you were arguing about the glass of water, I drank it! -Sincerely, The Opportunist”
"Is the glass half empty or half full?" is a classic question, and a jocular message has been printed on many images: Dear Optimist, Pessimist, and Realist,While you were arguing about…
“Whatever you do, always give 100%. Unless you’re donating blood”
"Whatever you do in life, always give 100%. Unless you're donating blood" is a jocular aphorism that has been printed on many images. The saying was first posted on Twitter on…