“Tomato soup is just a hot fruit smoothie”
Would a hot fruit smoothie be a soup? "Essentially, is tomato soup a hot fruit smoothie?" was posted on Twitter on January 10, 2012. "Tomato soup is just a hot fruit smoothie"…
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“A testing engineer walks into a bar…” (bar joke)
"A guy walks into a bar..." is a typical form of what has been called the "bar joke." A testing engineer version is: "A testing engineer walks into a bar. Runs into a bar.…
“What do you get if you cross a grocery clerk with a scientist?”/“Market research.”
A riddle on the term "market research" is: Q: What do you get if you cross a grocery clerk with a scientist? A. Market research. The joke was printed in the book 3650 Jokes, Puns, and…
“How do snowmen travel around?”/“By icicle.”
An "icicle" is not a "cycle," like a "bicycle," but a popular winter riddle is: Q: How do snowmen travel around?A: By icicle. The riddle was posted on the newsgroup…
“A naked woman gets into a taxi…” (jokes)
A joke involves a cab driver -- usually a New York City taxi driver -- who picks up a naked woman. The driver stares. "Something wrong? Haven't you seen a naked women before?" the…
“Why did the spy cross the road?”/“Because he was never really on your side.”
"Why did the chicken cross the road?"/"To get to the other side" is a classic riddle from the 19th century. A spy version is: Q: Why did the spy cross the road?A: Because he was…
“Microwave clocks are the best indicator that the power went out recently”
Microwave clocks and stove clocks usually must be re-set after every power outage -- even an outage of a just few seconds. Many people have to re-set these clocks weekly or even daily.…
“I think the girl at the grocery store likes me. She was totally checking me out”
Someone checking you out doesn't necessarily like you -- it could be a cashier. "Wife says the teenage cashier girl was totally 'checking me out' when we were at the store.…
“Where do astronauts go to drink?”/“The spacebar.”
The "spacebar" on a keyboard doesn't serve drinks, but a "space bar" joke has been printed on many images: Q: Where do astronauts go to drink?A: The spacebar. The pun was…
“Alcohol is yeast urine”
Yeast is the waste of the fermentation process. "And just look at how many folk love to drink yeast urine" was posted on alt.sex on June 21, 1994. "Yeast urine? after all,…
Grandpa Pizza (Grandpa Slice)
"Grandma pizza"/"grandma slice" was popularized on Long Island and is a square pizza with cheese and tomatoes. There usually is not "grandpa pizza," but this has been…
“Sure, I’ll drink more water. Provided it’s frozen and surrounded by alcohol”
"Sure, I'll drink more water. Provided it's frozen and surrounded by alcohol" is a jocular saying that has been printed on several images. "I like to drink my recommended 2…
“Beer is yeast urine”
Yeast is the waste of the fermentation process. "And just look at how many folk love to drink yeast urine" was posted on alt.sex on June 21, 1994. "Yeast urine? after all,…
“Microwave clocks are the best indicator that the power went out recently”
Microwave clocks and stove clocks usually must be re-set after every power outage -- even an outage of a just few seconds. Many people have to re-set these clocks weekly or even daily.…
“Alcoholic? No, my dear, I prefer the term ‘drinking enthusiast’”
"Alcoholic? No, my dear, I prefer the term 'drinking enthusiast'" is a saying that has been printed on many images. 'New favorite phrase of the day from iPhone app…
“The NYPD toilets were stolen. Police have nothing to go on”
A police joke is sometimes localized to New York City: ""The NYPD toilets were stolen. Police have nothing to go on." "Crooks stole all the toilets at a Philadelphia police…
“An engineer, a physicist, and a statistician are all sleeping in a hotel…” (joke)
"An engineer, a physicist, and a statistician are all sleeping in a hotel" is the start of a popular joke. A fire starts in the hotel, and the engineer and the physicist propose ways of…
“The phrase ‘it’s not opposite day’ is always true”
On "Opposite Day," people say the reverse of what is true. "5th grade revelation: 'It's not opposite day' is always true" was posted on Twitter on July 22, 2011.…
“Bullets and fireworks are the only things that do their job after they are fired”
Who (or what) does a job after being fired? "Bullets are the only things that do their job only after they are fired" was posted on Reddit -- Shower Thoughts on July 31, 2015.…
“Doing sit-ups at home is a form of domestic ab use”
"Ab use" should not be confused with "abuse," but that's been the subject of several puns. "Doing crunches and situps at home is domestic ab use" was posted on…