“Technically, all national anthems are country music”
A national anthem is, technically, "country" music. "No matter the musical style, a nation's national anthem is 'country music' Daily Jumble in 1:14, score 1115"…
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“Successful pianists know the key to success”
People often seek the key (or keys) to success. "Successful pianists know the key to success" is a joke that was posted on the website Pun of the Day on August 10, 2017. Other sayings…
“My biology teacher grew human vocal chords in the lab. The results speak for themselves”
A pun was posted on Reddit -- Jokes on November 19, 2015: "Cancer research scientists have grown human vocal chords in a Petri dish. The results speak for themselves." "My biology…
“What do you call a blonde in a tree with a brief case?”/“Branch Manager.”
There are several versions of the "branch manager" riddle. This was from 1982: Q: What do you call a man in a tree wearing a three-piece suit? A: A branch manager. This is from 1989: Q:…
Sweatember (sweat + September)
"Sweatember" (sweat + September) has been printed on several images. The term means that September is a month to sweat -- either to sweat off the pounds by working out, or because…
“How do you make a violin sound like a viola?”/“Sit in the back and don’t play.”
A joke about the viola is: Q: How do you make a violin sound like a viola?A: Sit in the back and don't play. The joke was posted on the newsgroup alt.music.filk on April 10, 1992. “How do…
“What do you call a blonde in a tree with a brief case?”/“Branch Manager.”
There are several versions of the "branch manager" riddle. This was from 1982: Q: What do you call a man in a tree wearing a three-piece suit? A: A branch manager. This is from 1989: Q:…
“Being overweight is the only truth you can successfully run from”
The expression "to run away from one's problems" is usually not taken literally, but there have been several puns. "Fat people can literally run away from most of their problems…
“How do you know when a liberal is really dead?’/“His heart stops bleeding.”
A joke on the term "bleeding heart liberal" is: Q: How do you know when a liberal is really dead?A: His/Her heart stops bleeding. The joke was posted on the newsgroup rec.humor on January…
“How do you get a parrot to talk properly?”/“Send him to polytechnic.”
A "polytechnic" is not full of parrots (Pollys, as in "Polly want a cracker?"), but there's a riddle: Q: How do you get a parrot to talk properly?A: Send him to…
“Why is programming in Django hard?”/“You can only use two fingers on your left hand.”
A Django programming joke was posted on Reddit -- Jokes on October 22, 2017: Q: Why is programming in Django hard?A: You can only use two fingers on your left hand. The joke requires knowledge of…
“Why did the girl sit on her watch?”/“She wanted to be on time.”
A watch riddle is: Q: Why did the girl sit on her watch?A: She wanted to be on time. The joke has been cited in print since at least 1976. Google BooksBiggest Riddle Book in the WorldBy Joseph…
“Your bank account is the adult version of your report card”
A adult's bank account has been compared to a student's report card. "Your bank account is your report card for your Financial intelligence" was posted on Twitter on February 9,…
“I walked past a homeless guy with a sign that read, ‘One day, this could be you’”
A joke about the homeless is: "I walked past a homeless guy with a sign that read, 'One day, this could be you.' So I put my money back in my pocket, just in case he's…
“There’s no ‘I’ in denial”
"There's no 'I' in denial" is a joke that has been printed on many images. "There's no 'I' in 'denial'" was posted on Twitter on March…
“If your boat turns upside down, you can wear it on your head. It’s capsized”
A riddle was posted on Twitter on January 15, 2013: Q: When can you wear a boat on your head? A: When it's capsized. "Did you know that you can fit any boat on your head like a hat, if…
“Knives should be named chopsticks”
Are chopsticks properly named? "Why are they called chopsticks? They can't chop fuck all. Knives should be called chopsticks and chopsticks should be called knives" was posted on…
“So far eating hasn’t filled the emptiness I feel inside, but I’m no quitter”
A jocular one-line saying about eating is: "So far eating hasn't filled the emptiness I feel inside, but I'm no quitter." The saying was posted on Twitter by Keith on September…
“I know a guy who’s addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop any time”
"I know a guy who’s addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop any time" is a joke about addiction that has been posted on many images. "The man addicted to brake fluid said he…
“If you eat some weed, your taste buds taste buds”
"Taste buds taste bud. #weed" -- a seeming repetition of terms -- was posted on Twitter on November 5, 2012. "You smoke basic, my weed flavored, my taste buds taste bud" was…