“I asked my chef friend if they ever serve steak raw. He said yeah, but it’s rare”
People sometimes ask for "raw" steak when they mean "rare." "Sometimes I like my steak raw, but that's rare" was posted on Twitter on December 12, 2012. "Few…
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Melancauliflower or Melancholiflower (melancholy + cauliflower); Meloncauliflower, Meloncholiflower
Cauliflower sometimes has the jocular portmanteau words "melancauliflower" and "melancholiflower" (melancholy + cauliflower), and sometimes "meloncauliflower" and…
“Water is just cloud milk”
"Water is like snow juice. Like cloud milk" -- an interesting description of rain and snow -- was posted on Twitter on December 20, 2013. "Water is just cloud milk... think about…
“A good date ends with dinner. An awesome date ends with breakfast”
"A good date ends with dinner. A(n) awesome/excellent/great/perfect date ends with breakfast" -- meaning that the couple has spent the night together -- is a jocular saying that has been…
“I played in a snooker tournament for the emotionally unstable. I was first to break”
In the game of snooker, one player is "first to break." "Interrogating snooker players is SO easy. They're always the first to break" is a pun that was posted on Twitter on…
“It was so cold that opticians were giving away ice scrapers with every new pair of eyeglasses”
"It was so cold...the optician was giving away free ice scrapers with every new pair of eyeglasses!" is a one-line saying about extremely cold weather that has been cited in print since…
“It was so cold that pickpockets were sticking hands in strangers’ pockets to keep them warm”
"It was so cold pickpockets were sticking their hands in strangers' pockets just to keep them warm!" is a one-line saying about extremely cold weather that has been cited in print…
“I’ve reached the age where ‘Happy Hour’ is a nap”
"Happy Hour" usually refers to drinks at bars and restaurants, but there have been other definitions. "I've reached the age where 'Happy Hour' is a nap" (or…
“January is the Monday of the year”
The month of January is the first month of the year, and it has been compared to Monday, the first day of a usual work week. Both January and Monday are frequently unloved. "January is the…
“Intelligence is like wealth. Great to have, but if you go around showing it off…”
"Intelligence is like wealth. It works better when it's not shoved into people's faces. The truly remarkable minds talk effectively, not much" is a saying that was posted on…
“What does a vampire order at a Chinese restaurant?”/“Chow vein.”
A vampire riddle was posted on Twitter on May 17, 2012: Q: What's the most popular dish at a Chinese Vampire Restaurant? A: Chow Vein. A similar riddle was posted on Reddit -- 3amjokes on…
“What’s the difference between a BMW and a porcupine?”/“Porcupines have pricks on the outside.”
Are people who own expensive sports cars all pricks? A joke has been cited in print since at least 1986: Q: What's the difference between a porcupine and a Porsche?A: The porcupine has little…
“Intelligence is like wealth. Great to have, but if you go around showing it off…”
"Intelligence is like wealth. It works better when it's not shoved into people's faces. The truly remarkable minds talk effectively, not much" is a saying that was posted on…
“What do you call a gay milkman?”/“A dairy queen.”
Dairy Queen is a chain of soft-serve ice cream and fast-food restaurants. A riddle has been printed on an image: Q: What do you call a gay milkman?A: A dairy queen. The joke -- often regarded as…
“Corn on the cob is just ribs for vegetarians”
"They should call corn on the cob 'ribs for vegans'" is a saying was posted on Twitter on May 25, 2012. "Corn on the cob is just ribs for vegetarians" was posted on…
“Somewhere there’s a bottle of Caesar salad dressing with an expiration date of March 15”
"Caesar salad" (a salad of romaine lettuce and croutons) has nothing to do with Julius Caesar, the Roman emperor who was assassinated on March 15th ("the Ides of March"). The…
“It was so cold that I saw chickens lined up for KFC’s deep fryer”
"It was so cold that I saw chickens lined up for KFC's deep fryer" is a joke about extremely cold weather that has been printed on many images. "It was so cold in New York City…
“Why do all hot dogs look the same?”/“Because they are in bread.”
"Inbred" sounds like "in bread." "Greg: Why do these hamburgers and hot dogs look so weird? Me: Because they're inbred (bread)" was posted on Twitter on August 2,…
“It was so cold we had to chop up the piano for firewood, but we only got two chords”
Musical "chords" shouldn't be confused with "cords" of firewood, but there have been puns. "It was so cold...we had to chop up the piano for firewood -- but we only…
“It was so cold that I enjoyed it when someone spilled hot coffee on my lap”
The Liebeck v. McDonald's Restaurants (1994) "hot coffee lawsuit" resulted from McDonald's restaurants serving very hot coffee, but what if it's very cold outside?…