“You can’t outrun a fart on a treadmill”
Many people fart while on a treadmill. "You can't outrun a fart on a treadmill" was posted on Twitter on March 8, 2010, and the saying has been printed on several images. "Pro…
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“What do you call a pig with no legs?”/“A groundhog.”
A pig riddle has been printed on several images: Q: What do you call a pig with no legs?A: A groundhog. The joke (popular on Groundhog Day) has been cited in print since at least 2001. Google…
“A square, a triangle and a hexagon walk into a bar…” (bar joke)
"A guy walks into a bar..." is a typical form of what has been called the "bar joke." A shape version is: "A square, a triangle and a hexagon walk into a bar. The bartender…
“What kind of coffee do cops drink?”/“Coppicino.”
"Coppuccino" (cop + cappuccino) is a portmanteau word that was posted on Twitter on May 15, 2013. "What did the cop get from Starbucks? A coppuccino" was posted on Twitter on…
“It doesn’t matter how ready you think you are. The toaster will scare you”
Toast popping up from a toaster can be startling. "It doesn't matter how ready you think you are. The toaster will scare you" is a saying that has been printed on many images. The…
“Why did the raccoon cross the road?”/“He didn’t, he got hit by a car.”
"Why did the chicken cross the road?"/"To get to the other side" is a classic riddle from the 19th century. A raccoon version is: Q: Why did the raccoon cross the road?A: He…
“People who think they can run away from their problems have obviously never farted on a treadmill”
Many people fart while on a treadmill. "You can't outrun a fart on a treadmill" was posted on Twitter on March 8, 2010, and the saying has been printed on several images. "Pro…
“You’re never too old to learn something stupid”
"You're never too old to learn something stupid" is a jocular one-line saying that has been printed on many images. Brooklyn humorist Sam Levenson (1911-1980) used the line since at…
“You can also do work the day after tomorrow. Be lazy. Think crazy”
"Be Lazy. Think crazy" is a saying that has been printed on many images. It's another version of the old saying, "Choose a lazy person to do a hard job because that person will…
“Some folks exercise their right to vote. I vote my right to not exercise”
"Exercising" a right to vote is not physically exercising, but a joke was posted on Twitter in October 26, 2016: "Some folks exercise their right to vote. I vote my right to not…
“I can hear Monday morning already whispering ‘Go fuck yourself’ into my ear”
"I can hear Monday morning already whispering 'Go fuck yourself' into my ear" is a jocular Monday work saying that has been printed on many images. "I can already hear…
BTFGS (Buy The Fucking Government Shutdown)
"BTFD" (Buy The Fucking Dip) dates from 2010; investors should buy stocks when the price dips because it will go back up. The financial blog Zero Hedge popularized a new term with the…
“Our Lager, which art in barrels, hallowed be thy drink…”
"The Beer Prayer" -- a beer version of "The Lord's Prayer" -- has been printed on many images. The beer prayer was posted in newsgroups in October 1997 and opens: "Our…
“What’s the difference between a hockey game and a high school reunion?” (joke)
A ribald riddle is: Q: What's the difference between a hockey game and a High School reunion?A: At a hockey game, you see fast pucks. The joke was posted on the newsgroup alt.support.divorce…
“What’s a pirate’s favorite kind of socks?”/“Arrrrgyle.”
A pirate riddle (popular on International Talk Like a Pirate Day on September 19th) is: Q: What's a pirate's favorite kind of socks?A: Arrrrgyle. The pirate joke was posted on the…
Spaghetti Bollock-Knees (Spaghetti Bolognese)
"Spaghetti Bollock-Knees" is a jocular way to say "Spaghetti Bolognese." "#cannibalmenu spaghetti bollock-knees" was posted on Twitter on February 20, 2010. "On…
“What’s the difference between a golfer and a fisherman?” (joke)
Golfers are notorious about lying on their golf scores. Fishermen are notorious about lying about the size of a fish that was either caught or that got away. "The difference between a…
“Is chicken soup good for your health?”/“Not if you’re the chicken!”
A chicken soup joke is: Q: Is chicken soup good for your health?A: Not if you're a chicken! The joke has been cited in print since at least 1996. Google BooksThe Little Giant Book of RiddlesBy…
“What’s the difference between a high school reunion and a hockey game? (joke)
A ribald riddle is: Q: What's the difference between a High School reunion and a hockey game?A: At a hockey game, you see fast pucks. The joke was posted on the newsgroup alt.support.divorce…
“Two oranges walk into a bar…” (joke)
"A guy walks into a bar..." is a typical form of what has been called the "bar joke." An orange version is: "Two oranges walk into a bar. One turns to the other and says,…