Twatzi (Twitter + twat + Nazi)
"Twatzi" (Twitter + twat + Nazi) is used to describe an oppressive Twitter (a social networking service), or an oppressive person using Twitter. "Twitter Nazi=twatzi" was posted…
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“My father’s answer to everything was alcohol. He didn’t drink; he was just shit at quizzes”
"My father's answer to everything was alcohol. He didn't drink; he was just shit at quizzes" is a jocular saying about alcohol. "I've got a friend whose answer to…
“Why did the otter cross the road?”/“To get to the otter side.”
"Why did the chicken cross the road?"/"To get to the other side" is a classic riddle from the 19th century. An otter version is: Q: Why did the otter cross the road?A: To get to…
“What’s water squared?”/“Ice cube.”
An ice "cube" has resulted in some math jokes. "I got water,and water squared;thats water with ice" was posted on Twitter on May 3, 2010. "Is the square root of ice,…
“What do you call a vegetable that’s standing in line?”/“A queuecumber.”
A cucumber has nothing to do with a "queue," but there have been puns. "When you line up to buy a cucumber, what do you call it? Queuecumber" was printed in January 1980…
“Martinis are like women’s breasts. One isn’t enough and three are too many”
"In Boston stingers are post-dinner drinks of which one's not enough and three are too many" was printed in the Boston (MA) Globe on November 11, 1972. The saying usually refers to…
“What did they call the canary that flew into the pastry dish?”/“Tweetie Pie.”
Tweety (or "Tweety Pie") is an animated fictional yellow canary and not an actual pie, but there is a riddle: Q. What did they call the canary that flew into the pastry dish? A. Tweetie…
“Why was the cannibal looking peeky?”/“Because he had just eaten a Chinese dog.”
A cannibal riddle is: Q: Why was the cannibal looking peeky?A: Because he had just eaten a Chinese dog. That would probably be a Pekingese to make the cannibal feel "peeky." The joke has…
“What happened at the cannibal’s wedding party?”/“They toasted the bride and groom.”
A cannibal riddle is: Q: What happened at the cannibal's wedding party? A: They toasted the bride and groom. The cannibal joke has been cited in print since at least 1990. Google BooksFun…
“What kind of headaches do wheat farmers get?”/“My grains.”
"Migraine" sounds like "my grain." "I don't get headaches, but America's heartland gives me my grains" was posted on Twitter on August 5, 2011.…
“How many divorced men does it take to change a light bulb?” (riddle)
A popular "lightbulb joke" about divorced men is: Q: How many divorced men does it take to change a light bulb? A: Who cares? They never get the house anyway. This version was posted on…
“What’s the opposite of ladyfingers?”/“Mentos.”
A riddle about ladyfingers (a biscuit) is: Q: What's the opposite of ladyfingers?A: Mentos. The joke was posted on Twitter on October 27, 2010, but became popular when it was posted on both…
“What is a duck’s favorite dance?”/“The quackstep.”
A duck riddle is: Q: What is a duck's favorite dance?A: The quackstep. The "quackstep"/"quickstep" joke was posted on the newsgroup free.uk.btinternet.chatter.refugees on…
“I like to do drugs in a Chipotle bathroom. No one questions you if you spend 45 minutes there”
Many people assume that the people who spend a long time in bathroom stalls are doing drugs. "If you didn't spend twenty minutes in the bathroom, we wouldn't think you were doing…
“Dry pet food is basically meat cereal” (“Dog food is just meat cereal”)
Dry pet food, such as dog food, has often been described as "meat cereal." "Sometimes I catch myself eating the dog food. With a little milk it's like meat cereal" was…
“What type of magazines do cows read?”/“Cattlelogs.”
"Catalogs" sounds like "cattle-logs." "Where might you expect to find a cow's pedigree? -- In a cattle-log" was cited in an 1873 newspaper. "When cows are…
“Optimistic people want to hear the bad news first. Realists just start drinking”
"Optimistic people want to hear the bad news first, while pessimists ask for the good. Realists just start drinking" is a saying that has been printed on several images. The saying was…
“Millennials. Walking around like they rent the place”
"Walking around like he/she owns the place" is a saying about someone with a cocky attitude. Many millennials cannot afford to own homes and prefer to rent. A joke was posted by Spence on…
“A girl loved me after I gave her a bottle of tonic water. Schwepped her off her feet”
Schweppes is a brand of beverages; a jocular verb is "Schwepped" (which sounds like "swept"). "Schwepped her off her feet" was written in the story…
“Cereal is just milk soup”
"Is Breakfast Cereal a Soup?" is a question on Debate.org (58% say "yes.") "Soup spoons make great cereal spoons. Then again, cereal is really milk soup" was posted on…