“It wasn’t school John disliked, it was just the principal of it”
"Principal" and "principle" are often confused. A joke was published in Life (a New York City humor magazine) on February 4, 1926, and was frequently reprinted in newspapers:…
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“My wife asked me, ‘Did you eat my chocolate in the cupboard?’” (joke)
A chocolate joke (sometimes told on Valentine's Day) was posted on Twitter by Sickipedia_Feed on March 21, 2012: "My wife asked me, 'Did you eat my chocolate in the…
“A bra and a set of jumper leads walk into a bar…” (bar joke)
"A guy walks into a bar..." is a typical form of what has been called the "bar joke." A bra version is: "A bra walks into a bar and asks for a beer. The bartender says,…
“A man promised his girlfriend a diamond for Valentine’s Day. So he took her to a baseball park”
A Valentine's Day joke is: "A man promised his girlfriend a diamond for Valentine's Day. So he took her to a baseball park." February 14th is not baseball season -- not even…
“What’s a cat’s favorite button on the TV remote control?”/“Pause.”
A cat riddle has been printed on several images: Q: What's a cat's favorite button on the TV remote control?A: Pause (paws). The "pause"/"paws' pun has been cited in…
“Weddings are basically funerals with cake”
A anti-romantic cake version of the "Roses are red..." poem is: "Roses are dead/lame/red.Love is fake.Weddings are basicallyfunerals with cake." "Weddings are like funerals…
“I took levitation classes once, but I dropped out”
People "drop out" of school -- but levitation school? "Just dropped out of levitation school" was posted on Twitter by donni saphire on April 7, 2015. "I took levitation…
“Never trust anyone who smiles on a Monday”
"Never trust anyone who smiles on a Monday" is a saying that has been printed on several images. Monday is the traditional start to the work week. "Never trust anyone who smiles…
“The ‘mac’ in mac and cheese is also an acronym for ‘mac and cheese’”
"Mac" stands for "macaroni." "MAC" is also an acronym for "mac and cheese." "I suppose MAC could also be a recursive acronym for MAC And Cheese. But…
“Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I’m a hotel.”/“Can I examine you?”/“Be my guest.”
A hotel joke is: DISTURBED PERSON: Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I'm a hotel.DOCTOR: Can I examine you?DISTURBED PERSON: Be my guest. The joke was posted on Twitter on November 26, 2015.…
“What’s a skier’s favorite lunch meat?”/“Slalami.”
The skiing term "slalom" is sometimes jokingly combined with "salami" to form the portmanteau word "slalami" or "slalomi." "The Slalami Promise: No more…
“I heard there was a new store called Moderation. They have everything there”
"Moderation in all things" or "Everything in moderation" is an old proverb. A joke was posted on Twitter on October 17, 2013: "I heard there was a new store called…
“How do you start a pudding race?”/“Sago.”
A riddle about sago pudding is: Q: How do you start a pudding race?A: Sago (say go). The "sago"/"say go" pun has been cited in print since at least 1978. “How do you start a…
“Never trust anyone who smiles this early in the morning”
"Never trust anyone who smiles this early in the morning" is a one-line saying that is usually work-related. The saying was posted on Twitter by Men's Humor on April 9, 2013.…
“What’s a skier’s favorite lunch meat?”/“Slalomi.”
The skiing term "slalom" is sometimes jokingly combined with "salami" to form the portmanteau word "slalami" or "slalomi." "The Slalami Promise: No more…
“What do you call a cow on stilts?”/“Raising the steaks.”
A cow riddle is: Q: What do you call a cow on stilts?A: Raising the steaks. "The steaks are too high" punchline was posted on the newsgroup uk.rec.motorcycles on June 21, 2005. Google…
“Never trust anyone who smiles before their first cup of coffee”
"Never trust anyone who smiles before their first cup of coffee" is a one-line saying that has been printed on several images. "Never trust anyone who smiles before morning…
“There’s something missing in my life and I don’t know if it’s a person, a puppy, or just a burrito”
"There's something missing in my life and I don't know if it's a person, a puppy, or just a burrito/pizza" is a saying that has been printed on many images. "I feel…
“What’s a pirate’s favorite cheese?”/“Havarrrrrti.”
A pirate riddle about cheese is: Q: What's a pirate's favorite cheese?A: Cheddarrrr / Havarrrrrti / Yarrrrrrrrlsberg. "'Pirate's favorite cheese?'…
“Today is one of those days where even my coffee needs coffee”
"Today is one of those days where even my coffee needs coffee" is a jocular one-line coffee saying that has been printed on several images. "Even my coffee needs coffee this…