“If a bag is not resealable then it contains one serving. I don’t make the rules”
"If a bag is not resealable then it contains one serving. I don’t make the rules" and "If a bacon package isn't resealable, it contains one serving. That's science. I…
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“There’s something missing in my life and I don’t know if it’s a person, a puppy, or just a pizza”
"There's something missing in my life and I don't know if it's a person, a puppy, or just a burrito/pizza" is a saying that has been printed on many images. "I feel…
“Why shouldn’t you fall in love with a pastry chef?”/“Because he’ll dessert you.”
A Valentine's Day riddle is told about a pastry chef: Q: Why shouldn’t you fall in love with a pastry chef? A: S/he’ll just dessert you! The joke has been cited in print since at least…
“What type of singer sings about candy?”/“A candy wrapper.”
A music "rapper" shouldn't be confused with a candy "wrapper." "M&M (eminem) sings 'I'm a Candy Wrapper'" was posted on Twitter on May 27,…
“What’s the difference between an Afghani military base and a Pakistani elementary school?” (joke)
A military joke about drone killing has been printed on many images: Q: What's the difference between an Afghani military base and a Pakistani elementary school?A: I don't know. I just…
“Why do I keep paying the bills? It just encourages them to send more”
Paying bills seems, for many people, to be an endless cycle. "No, I never pay bills. It only encourages them to send more" was posted on Twitter on May 8, 2011. "Why do I keep paying…
“Are donuts made out of hole wheat?”
"Whole wheat" should not be confused with "hole wheat," but there have been jokes. "Are nutri-donuts called Hole Wheat Bread?" was posted on Twitter on May 26, 2011.…
“Why does fried duck get golden, crispy and delicious?”/“The mallard reaction.”
The Maillard reaction is the chemical reaction that gives browned food *such as grilled meat) its flavor. "Maillard" has nothing to do with "mallard" (a duck), but there have…
“What does a cow ride when his car is broken?”/“A COW-asaki MOO-torcycle.”
A cow riddle has been cited in print since at least 2007: Q: What does a cow ride when his car is broken? A: A COW-askai MOO-torcycle. The Kawasaki motorcycle pun has been cited in print since at…
“What did one lawyer say to the other lawyer?”/“We are both lawyers!”
A popular lawyer anti-joke has been printed on several images: Q: What did one lawyer say to the other lawyer?A: We are both lawyers! The joke was posted on Twitter on November 20, 2010. Twitter…
“Why is there a shirt and tie on the telly?”/“It’s a smart TV.”
A joke about a "smart TV" was posted on Twitter on May 19, 2013: "My wife said, 'Why is there a shirt and tie on the telly?' I said, 'It's a smart tv.'"…
“If confusion is the beginning of wisdom, I am totally on the right track”
"Confusion s the beginning of wisdom" is a saying of uncertain authorship. U.S. General Walter Bedell "Beetle" Smith (1895-1961) said this, as quoted in a 1992 book: “All I…
“How did the cheesemaker paint his wife?”/“He Double Gloucester.”
"Double Gloucester" is a cheese, but it sounds like "double glossed her." "I missed all that, 'cos I was giving my sister two coats of paint. Yes, I double glossed…
Volmageddon (volatility + Armageddon)
"Volmageddon" (volatility + Armageddon) is a portmanteau financial term that was popularized in February 2018. "First Volmageddon Casualties Emerge: One Hedge Fund Down As Much As…
Center for Disease Creation (Centers for Disease Control and Prevention or CDC nickname)
The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) is, according to Wikipedia, the leading national public health institute of the United States. Some critics believe that the CDC works too…
“I would like monkey bars a lot more if they were more like places where monkeys got really drunk”
"Monkey bars" -- a piece of playground equipment also called a "jungle gym" -- do not serve alcohol. A jocular one-line saying was posted on Twitter on June 12, 2011: "I…
“You know it’s tax season when you see a dancing Statue of Liberty on the street corner”
Liberty Tax Service began in 1998; in 2004, it employed people dressed as the Statue of Liberty to stand on sidewalks and bring in customers. For many people, it's a sign that it's tax…
World Homicide Organization (World Health Organization or WHO nickname)
The World Health Organization (WHO) is a specialized agency of the United Nations concerned with public health. Some critics have claimed that WHO carries out a depopulation agenda of the United…
“I would like monkey bars a lot more if they were more like places where monkeys got really drunk”
"Monkey bars" -- a piece of playground equipment also called a "jungle gym" -- do not serve alcohol. A jocular one-line saying was posted on Twitter on June 12, 2011: "I…
“What’s the best day to eat bacon?”/“Fry-day.”
A bacon riddle is: Q: What's the best day to eat bacon (and eggs)?A: Fry-day. The joke has been cited in print since at least 2003. “What day does an Easter egg hate the…