“I walked up to the bar and asked for a white wine…” (bar joke)
"A guy walks into a bar..." is a typical form of what has been called the "bar joke." A joke was posted on Twitter by Sickipediabot (the Sickipedia website) on April 21, 2013:…
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“I love taking a picture of myself next to a boiling kettle. I think I may have selfie steam issues”
"Self esteem issues" is sometimes joked to be "selfie steam issues," either in a sauna/shower or by a boiling kettle. "Don’t hold your cameraphone down near a sink of hot…
“Mistakes just mean you’re trying”
"Mistakes just mean you're trying" is a motivational saying that has been printed on images. "Mistakes just mean you're trying" was posted on Twitter on September 12,…
“How does a jazz musician end up with a million dollars?”/“By starting out with two million dollars.
A jazz musician riddle has been cited in print since at least 1996: Q: How does a jazz musician end up with a million dollars? A: Give him ten million and wait a couple of months. "How does a…
“Autocorrect makes me type things I didn’t Nintendo”
"Autocorrect makes me say/type/write things I didn't Nintendo" -- a pun on "didn't intend" -- is a joke that has been printed on many images. "I hate autocorrect.…
Move It Monday
"Move It Monday" is an exercise saying that has been printed on many images. "Move It Monday: has been cited in print since at least 2005 and 2008. Move It Monday (MoveItMonday.org),…
“Ravioli are just Italian dumplings, and dumplings are just Chinese ravioli”
Ravioli is an Italian dish that is sometimes compared to dumplings. "Ravioli's are just Italian dumplings 😱💥 #mindblown" was posted on Twitter on April 17, 2013. "Ravioli…
“You are what you eat, so cannibals are real people persons”
A "people person" is someone who interacts well with other people. Companies often want to hire "people persons" who like people, but cannibals also "like" people. A…
“Have you tried disabling cookies?”/“Well, I once bit the legs off a gingerbread man!”
An "HTTP cookie" is not something that's eaten, but there have been several jokes. English comedian Lee Mack told this joke in 2010: "The bloke fixing my PC said, 'Have you…
“Grilled cheese sandwiches aren’t even grilled. They are generally pan fried”
Many people contend that the name "grilled cheese" sandwich is not true, and that it should be called a "fried cheese" sandwich because it's usually not made on a grill.…
“Where do Norse Texans go when they die?”/“Y’allhalla.” (y’all + Valhalla)
"Y'allhalla" is a portmanteau word of 'y'all" ("you all") and "Valhalla" (a place in Norse mythology). "Y'allHalla" was posted on…
“If wars can be started by lies, then peace can be started by truth”
"If wars can be started by lies, (then) peace can be started by truth" is a saying that has been printed on many images. Julian Assange, the director of WikiLeaks, said at an anti-war…
“When you shop at a record store, you should know that all sales are vinyl”
Many stores (especially stores that sell used merchandise) have a no-return policy, "all sales are final." A joke is that a used records store has a sign that says, "all sales are…
“Cannibals take being a people person to one fucked-up level”
A "people person" is someone who interacts well with other people. Companies often want to hire "people persons" who like people, but cannibals also "like" people. A…
“Have you tried disabling cookies?”/“Well, I once bit the legs off a gingerbread man!”
An "HTTP cookie" is not something that's eaten, but there have been several jokes. English comedian Lee Mack told this joke in 2010: "The bloke fixing my PC said, 'Have you…
“Excuses don’t burn calories”
"Excuses don't burn calories" is a motivational saying that has been printed on many images. Origin of the saying is unknown, but the blog Excuses Don't Burn Calories began on…
“Apple comes up” or “Feel the apple” or “Take the apple” (to choke; from Adam’s apple)
It is sometimes claimed that in the sports and entertainment worlds, when someone would play in New York City (the big time), the performer's Adam's apple would tighten, and, from this,…
Broadway (slang for flashy dresser, loud talker)
The Sporting News Record Book (1937) included this piece of baseball slang: "Broadway -- A flashy dresser, loud talker." "Broadway" is the name of a main thoroughfare in many…
“How many teachers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?” (riddle)
There have been several teacher versions of the traditional lightbulb joke. This is from 1990: Q: How many teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb?A: One if at home, but on school time,…
“What do you call a Scandinavian who only eats plants?”/“A Nor-vegan.”
"A vegetarian in Norway is a Nor-vegan" is a pun that was posted on Twitter on January 31, 2011. "What do you call a vegetarian Viking? A nor-vegan" was posted on Twitter on…