“Happy Mexican St. Patrick’s Day” (Cinco de Mayo)
Many people celebrate St. Patrick's Day by drinking Guinness stout, and then celebrate Cinco de Mayo by drinking Corona beer. "Cinco de Mayo is all about drinking.... just like St.…
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“My only talent is I just don’t quit”
"My only talent is I just don't quit" is a motivational saying that has been printed on several images. The saying was posted on Twitter on September 26, 2015. Authorship is unknown.…
“What do you call mashed avocado with milk?”/“Guacam-au-lait.”
"Guacamole" does not contain "au lait" (with milk), but a riddle was published on Reddit -- 3amjokes on May 3, 2018: Q: What do you call mashed avocado with milk?A:…
“A detained knight should consult a graphic designer. Apparently they free lance a lot”
Many people in the media freelance a lot. This is not to be confused with "free Lancelot" (a Knight of the Round Table), but a joke was posted on Reddit -- 3amjokes on May 3, 2018:…
Convention City (New Orleans nickname)
New Orleans began hosting many national conventions in the 1890s and in the early 1900s. "New Orleans Is a Convention City" was a headline in The Daily Picayune (New Orleans, LA) on May…
“What do history teachers make when they want to get together?”/“Dates.”
A history teacher riddle is: Q: What do history teachers make when they want to get together?A: Dates. The joke has been cited in print since at least 1986. Google Books696 Silly School Jokes &…
“Tofu is overrated. It’s just a curd to me”
"A curd" sounds like "occurred." Of course, there are puns. "About two seconds ago I realised that tofu is really over-rated. it's literally just a curd to me"…
“The best preparation for tomorrow is doing your best today”
"The best preparation for tomorrow is doing your best today" is a motivational saying that has been printed on many images. American author H. Jackson Brown, Jr. wrote the saying in his…
“Excuses don’t construct monuments. Action does”
"Excuses don't construct monuments. Action does" is a motivational saying that has been printed on many images. The saying is from Canadian author and motivation speaker Robin…
“My father uses reddit. I guess it’s heredditary”
"Heredditary" (hereditary + reddit) is a portmanteau word to describe a family that uses the American social news aggregation, web content rating, and discussion website.…
“Two men walk into a bar…” (bar joke)
"A guy walks into a bar..." is a typical form of what has been called the "bar joke." There are several jokes about two or three men walking into a bar and ducking (or not…
“I accidentally said hello to a feminist the other day. The court trial starts tomorrow”
A joke about feminists overreacting to things has been printed on several images: "I accidentally said hello to a feminist the other day. The court trial starts tomorrow." "I once…
“Starve your distractions. Feed your focus”
"Starve your distractions. Feed your focus" is a motivational saying that has been printed on many images. The saying is of unknown authorship. "Starve your distractions, feed your…
“Never trust a homeless guy who’s selling warm lemonade to you”
A joke about New York City "lemonade" was posted on Twitter by Sickipedia_Feed on March 11, 2013: "I've learned one thing after my trip to New York. Never trust a homeless guy…
“The real problem with reality is the lack of background music”
"The real problem/trouble with reality is the lack of background music" is a one-line saying that has been printed on many images. Authorship is unknown. "The trouble with reality is…
“People first, then money, then things”
"People first, then money, then things" is a saying that has been printed on many images.American author, financial advisor and motivational speaker Suze Orman trademarked the saying and…
“‘Whatever the missing mass of the universe is, I hope it’s not in cockroaches.’ – a NYC tenant’”
An astronomy joke was posted on the newsgroup alt.fan.dragons on May 5, 2002: "Whatever the missing mass of the universe is, I hope it's not in cockroaches." A New York City…
“What’s the difference between the Titanic and Al Qaeda?”/“Al Qaeda made it to New York.”
Jokes about the September 11, 2001 terrorist attacks on New York City's World Trade Center are numerous, although not politically correct. One riddle is: Q: What's the difference between…
“Training is like wrestling a gorilla. You don’t stop when you’re tired”
"Success is a little like wrestling a gorilla. You don’t quit when you’re tired. You quit when the gorilla is tired" is a saying that has been printed on many images. Texas-born…
“I always wanted to be a Gregorian monk, but I never got the chants”
"Chants" sounds like "chance." "I've always wanted to be a Gregorian monk but I never really had the chants!" was posted on Twitter on August 14, 2017. "I…